is this okay in a relationship?

Its been ages since ive been in a relationship so just want some quick advice because i dont want either of us to mess things up!

Is it okay to be friends with ex's/previous sexual conquests if your in a new relationship?

I had a **** buddy for a while, is it okay for me to still talk to him as long as their is no flirting or anything?

I just really like this guy and I dont wanna do anything that i look back and think 'oh crap i shouldnt have spoken to him' or whatever.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 1

Patrick Wallace

14

No reason why not, but why not ask your boyfriend? Better to know in regards to your specific relationship rather than hypothetical ones with TSR users.

Reply 2

therisenmitten

12

You should be able to speak to whoever you want (provided it's just friendly)

If your boyfriend has a problem with it then he's too controlling.

Reply 3

username1118458

21

Original post by Patrick Wallace

No reason why not, but why not ask your boyfriend? Better to know in regards to your specific relationship rather than hypothetical ones with TSR users.

I agree, OP should ask their new boyfriend whether or not their comfortable with it, as honesty is the best and it's better to ask now then ask later.

Reply 4

Ice-Baby

OP

Original post by therisenmitten

You should be able to speak to whoever you want (provided it's just friendly)

If your boyfriend has a problem with it then he's too controlling.

yeh but surely if its a guy you had regular sexual activity with it would be understandable? I dont really wanna bring this up cos weve only been seeing each other a few weeks but i really like him and dont wanna take any risks.

Reply 5

Rybee

2

As long as both your friendship and intentions with them are bona fide. Of course it is :smile:

Reply 6

username1118458

21

Original post by Ice-Baby

yeh but surely if its a guy you had regular sexual activity with it would be understandable? I dont really wanna bring this up cos weve only been seeing each other a few weeks but i really like him and dont wanna take any risks.

You don't need to say that. Just say that you're still friends with people that you were in a relationship with before and have had sex with before but no longer with them. If they say they don't like it, then don't talk to them. If they say it's fine, then it's all clear, unless they say it in a pissed off way as they may get slightly annoyed.

Reply 7

kunoichi

20

As long as there is not flirting or anything that could be disrespectful to your partner then i dont believe your partner has any right to decide who you do or do not speak to.

Reply 8

therisenmitten

12

Original post by Ice-Baby

yeh but surely if its a guy you had regular sexual activity with it would be understandable? I dont really wanna bring this up cos weve only been seeing each other a few weeks but i really like him and dont wanna take any risks.

No, it should definitely be ok.
I am really close friends with an ex who I had a casual relationship with and I couldn't imagine a boyfriend telling me that I couldn't speak to him any more.
If you're only friends then there's nothing wrong with it.

There shouldn't be any need to bring it up though.

Reply 9

Ice-Baby

OP

Original post by therisenmitten

No, it should definitely be ok.
I am really close friends with an ex who I had a casual relationship with and I couldn't imagine a boyfriend telling me that I couldn't speak to him any more.
If you're only friends then there's nothing wrong with it.

There shouldn't be any need to bring it up though.

okay well i just spoke to him and he said hes still good friends with several of his ex's so i guess that answers it for me lol :smile:

Reply 10

therisenmitten

12

Original post by Ice-Baby

okay well i just spoke to him and he said hes still good friends with several of his ex's so i guess that answers it for me lol :smile:

That's good, nothing to worry about :smile:

Reply 11

CJKay

19

Original post by therisenmitten

No, it should definitely be ok.
I am really close friends with an ex who I had a casual relationship with and I couldn't imagine a boyfriend telling me that I couldn't speak to him any more.
If you're only friends then there's nothing wrong with it.

There shouldn't be any need to bring it up though.

You =/= the rest of the world.

Reply 12

therisenmitten

12

Original post by CJKay

You =/= the rest of the world.

I realise this. I was just trying to help by giving my own perspective.

I'm just saying that it's not acceptable for a guy to tell his girlfriend who she can and can't speak to.
Do you not agree with that?

Reply 13

CJKay

19

Original post by therisenmitten

I realise this. I was just trying to help by giving my own perspective.

I'm just saying that it's not acceptable for a guy to tell his girlfriend who she can and can't speak to.
Do you not agree with that?

I do not have an objective view on that situation.

Reply 14

therisenmitten

12

Original post by CJKay

I do not have an objective view on that situation.

Then why did you criticize my my answer and I presume neg rep me for sharing my opinion?

Reply 15

CJKay

19

Original post by therisenmitten

Then why did you criticize my my answer and I presume neg rep me for sharing my opinion?

I'm out of rep, so the negs you received are from other people.
I criticised you because you made an unfair and objective decision without considering either a) the situation or b) the consequences.

For instance, person A cheats on person B with person C. Person B makes the decision that they will stay with person A, but with the demand that person A never speaks to person C again.
Is that controlling or unfair to you?

Reply 16

therisenmitten

12

Original post by CJKay

I'm out of rep, so the negs you received are from other people.
I criticised you because you made an unfair and objective decision without considering either a) the situation or b) the consequences.

For instance, person A cheats on person B with person C. Person B makes the decision that they will stay with person A, but with the demand that person A never speaks to person C again.
Is that controlling or unfair to you?

Considering that the OP explained the situation I think my answer was relevant to it.

And on the hypothetical situation: personally I do think that is unreasonable. Just my opinion but relationships shouldn't have demands.