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Best way/time to break up

Hiya, not a v cheerful thread + obviously there's no easy way but its getting about time to break up for me and my bloke + its doing neither of us good stuck deciding what to do about it.
I'm going to India in the middle of July for a month, I think being apart for a month will give us a good break from eachother to put things in perspective + start to move on without being tempted to call up all the time + regret breaking up- so I think we should break up before then.
Until the end of June I've got exams + revision, which I need to spend a lot of time on but also will get me down- being at home alone a lot.
Because my boyfriend and I aren't getting on well at the moment- we seem to have little in common + get snappy at eachother easily when the other doesn't understand or care what we have to say.
He comes back from Uni for the summer on Friday + I know that he'll want to spend as much time as possible together + I'll feel stifled + uncomfortable and edgy because there's my own problems I have to deal with that he can't properly understand or help with. I know I'll miss him loads + I've been with him for nearly a year and a half, its so lovely to be with him sometimes but inbetween times its uncomfortable and we argue and i get REALLY annoyed with him over little things.
Its going to be a nightmare for both of us, we broke up for a week recently and both of us were a mess. I felt so guilty for hurting him so much + he pleaded me and cried a lot + we got back together, but I'm not sure it was the right decision.
So any tips on how or when the hell I can sort this out are v welcome!

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Any help? Anyone?

Reply 2

Emmalina

1

I dont really know what to say. Ive got the same thing,.

Dump him and run off to India.. Thats my plan.. Well China not India but its pretty much the same

Gak. We're in horible positions!

Reply 3

petri dish

you've just got to talk to him..and soon...leaving it for longer will only make things harder, just don't give him any cliche's as hearing that after a long relationship can be a bit demoralising...

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

hey, an equally un cheerful post to maybe help you. well me and my girlfrend broke up las sat and im still going through the trauma of it i.e cryin an feelin awful about it. i broke up with her u see. too mcuh arguin etc.

what i'm saying is that if you think it really is time then you may have to bite the bullet an jus do it. its bloody horrible. b4 u do tho think about what you might miss, or if you'l miss it at all. is it worth saving etc.

sorry its not much help

Reply 5

woodlebert

dont forget to have break up sex

Reply 6

generalebriety

16

I've had similar experiences. Not quite as bad but still not nice. It's unorthodox, but would you consider going out together less formally? As in seeing each other less often, just letting each other get on with his/her own life, but seeing each other a couple of times a month or so? Then one of three things will happen. EITHER you'll drift apart completely OR you'll become friends OR you'll get back together properly. You only miss these people properly when they're gone, trust me. Before that it's just "ooh I'll feel crap", but it's only once you've done it you know exactly how crap you'll feel and don't know when it'll end. What I suggested might sound weird in a way but if you don't want to go out any more it'll make you both pretty certain of that, and if you do it'll help you appreciate each other more for the good things rather than arguing over the trivia.

Reply 7

username47781

20

hmmm you need to talk to your boyfriend and get to the bottom of these issues, i mean do you want to part on bad terms before you go to India do you really want to lose him, surely if you two talked and at least discuss where its been going wrong and what can be done to make things better then surely there's no need yet to end it.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Man I'm so scared- I know we need to talk about it, I know whatever I say he'll sulk and hate me and say 'how could you do this to me'. I don't think we can break up and stay friends, at least at first, much less go out 'casually', I don't think he would want that at all. I don't think we can talk about it and resolve our differences, its not like we have blazing rows, we just don't have much to say to eachother + I don't feel as close to him as when we were good.
Do you think stay with him until the summer or face it now? I don't want to drag it out, we either break up or keep it going for a while.Aargh this decision is impossible.

Reply 9

1013

1

Just break up and have done with it. There is never a good time. But the more you postpone it, the more you'll think about it and the bigger a deal it'll become in your head, hence you'll postpone it further. Obviously, neither of you are happy, so what's the use in dragging it out? Make a clean break the next time you see him. You will feel like a massive weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Promise.

Reply 10

username47781

20

I know its hard to talk but you need to sort it NOW, otherwise its just gonna get worse the pain, but if you break up with him it is gonna hurt him badly because it seems he still loves you but your not quite ready for it all yet which is understandable.

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Me and my bf are in exactly the same situation, and we've decided to stay together until after our exams are over. It's unpleasant to be in a relationship which both of you know is over, but at least you can postpone the actual grieving process until a time when your exams are no longer at stake.

Reply 12

Love Sheep

1

OK, just remember this when you do it. If he is saying things like ;how could you do this to me', then he OBVIOUSLY isn't listening to your reasons, and isn't respecting your feelings. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you, and my advice is to do it in the nicest way possible, explaining clearly why, but if he says any of that stuff, don't stand for it. Seriously, it made me stay with someone I didn't want to be with for ages, just out of guilt, every time I tried to end it that would happen.
Good luck.

Best way/time to break up

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