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Reasons why people just can't socialise

How come there are people that do not ever feel comfortable socialising?

Some people simply cannot hold down a conversation.

What could be some of the reasons for this?

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Reply 1
Avatar for smiley321
smiley321
shyness
Original post by smiley321
shyness


But what makes someone shy?

Is there an age limit by which you are supposed to have grown out of such weaknesses?
Reply 3
Avatar for PDM.
PDM.
im 18 and I must be a dumbass, its the most simple thing and I cant even work out how to do it and this coming from a guy who did algebra at home when he was 10. I just cant get my head around it.
Reply 4
Avatar for BioIz
BioIz
11
Social anxiety? I'm better than I have been but when I was younger especially, I was completely unable to make eye contact with people.
Reply 5
Avatar for Genocidal
Genocidal
19
Most likely past events in the person's life.

Perhaps they were made an outcast at school? Maybe their parents would never let them speak unless spoken to? Maybe they've gone through some sort of trauma which makes them fear people?
Reply 6
Avatar for Robbie242
Robbie242
Introversion. Sometimes.
Also on a personal level, I find it hard to relate to common discussion or ''small talk'' it doesn't interest me at all so maybe that's why in some cases
Original post by Genocidal
Most likely past events in the person's life.

Perhaps they were made an outcast at school? Maybe their parents would never let them speak unless spoken to? Maybe they've gone through some sort of trauma which makes them fear people?


I think all of those apply to me.

I am considered boring and quiet by other people, and I come from a very reserved family who do not believe in showing their emotions.
Reply 8
Avatar for Tahooper
Tahooper
17
Social anxiety, not wanting to stand out, not knowing what to say etc.
Original post by Tahooper
Social anxiety, not wanting to stand out, not knowing what to say etc.


But how does that change?

With practice?

Surely if you act weirdly too many times, your 'peers' will lose interest, and in the end you won't have any left with which to practice?
Reply 10
Avatar for es.c
es.c
12
Fear of social rejection
Original post by Genocidal
Most likely past events in the person's life.

Perhaps they were made an outcast at school? Maybe their parents would never let them speak unless spoken to? Maybe they've gone through some sort of trauma which makes them fear people?


To be honest I think it just depends on the person's personality.
I went through a few years where I was a really quiet person who didn't really interact socially, mainly through my adolescent years. It was just a phase that came about for no reason at all. I'd always had friends in school, and would even go as far as to say that I was pretty popular at college. I think after a few years of being a bit of a loner I got back out and started seeing friends and family again and got used to being around people, therefore rebuilding on my social skills. I know some people are naturally reserved, but a lot of it is just getting used to interacting with people. It's like anything else, really; the more you do it, the better you get at it.
Reply 12
Avatar for Tahooper
Tahooper
17
Original post by Isambard Kingdom Brunel
But how does that change?

With practice?

Surely if you act weirdly too many times, your 'peers' will lose interest, and in the end you won't have any left with which to practice?


Joining forums with people who have experienced or are currently experiencing the same situation as you such as http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/ could potentially help.
Why would you automatically assume there was a problem there? Perhaps the person just doesn't want to talk to you?
Reply 14
Avatar for Elm Tree
Elm Tree
13
Original post by Isambard Kingdom Brunel
I think all of those apply to me.

I am considered boring and quiet by other people, and I come from a very reserved family who do not believe in showing their emotions.


Now you know what's affecting you, do everything in your power to overcome it, even if you feel out of place and a total idiot afterwards.

Assert yourself, you won't grow out of it if you don't try to. What's more important, your happiness or what strangers think about you?

Sooner or later it will come naturally to you, Goodluck!
Shyness makes up a lot of it. I've become a lot more confident with talking to new people since coming to uni, but I still find it nerve-wracking to strike up a conversation with a stranger. If someone starts a conversation with me I feel a lot less nervous, because it means they might want to talk to me and I'm not annoying them by talking to them :p:

Once you get past that and actually attempt conversation...I think it just depends on the person you're talking to. There are plenty of people that I can't hold a conversation with and feel awkward around because of it, but there are also people who can I talk to for hours about nothing in particular. Some people are a lot more talkative than others and can hold conversations easily with a bigger variety of people, whereas others are just not as talkative and there are less people they find it easy to talk to.

As for socialising...I guess those people are probably introverts. Again, I'm an introvert and I don't feel comfortable socialising with a large group of people, but I'm fine with a smaller group of people, especially if I know them well. Some people find social situations tiring as well; I know I do sometimes. Maybe they just like being alone and are more comfortable in their own company than in the company of others.
Reply 16
Avatar for Lotak
Lotak
Fear of social rejection
Fear that one isn't adequate or interesting enough
Fear that one's past experiences or hobbies are embarrassing

I think I have social anxiety disorder and I find it extremely difficult to start a conversation with a new crowd, but I am alright with continuing a conversation. I started a new job working in an office with 10 or so people and I was incredibly shy at first; so much so that one of the people actually came up to me and said it was concerning the other workers that I (basically) ignored them. More recently I have been friendlier and more vocal with them and I am now comfortable with having a light conversation.

For me, I'm terrified of those first few moments / encouters with new people. I am also terrified of meeting those that I went to school with (I'm in my mid 20s now), because that time of my life is when I probably regressed into being a social recluse, whilst everyone else was having fun!

Oh well...
I have no problem talking to people if I'm spoken to, but I try to avoid approaching others simply because my conversational skills are horrendous and I fear the awkward silences in conversations.
If its not fun don't bother doing it.
I think I might suffer from social anxiety. I often think too much about what could go wrong, rather than focus on the potential benefits of being sociable.

However, overcoming this is easier said than done.

I am very out of practice in terms of being part of a little group; I have almost no social opportunities to even begin going about improving myself.

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