Just one sec...
Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Why does your penis go soft after ejaculation?

Announcements Posted on
    • Thread Starter

    I've never understood this. You get a boner because there's a load of blood pumped into your cock because you're turned on. But why does it go soft after you ***? I'm still horny so why does the blood not keep it hard and let me carry on?

    Basically I came to early last night when I was having sex with my boyfriend and had to wait to become hard again.
    • Thread Starter

    Is it the physical reaction of ejaculation that causes it to go soft or is it your brain thinking that the need for sex has been sorted?

    Your body's way of saying job's done. If you've ejaculated, there's no need to maintain an erection, for heterosexual couples anyway. I've no idea what homosexuals get up to and why this would be a problem for you so I'll leave that topic alone...

    Read up on premature ejaculation. There's a lot physical and mental exercises you can do to help with your problem.

    It varies from man to man - while most do, not everyone loses their erection every time they ejaculate, and the time to get another erection varies enormously. Erections involve parts of your nervous system that are not under conscious control (if this were not the case, you could always have one when you wanted and never have one when you did not...)

    You don't need an erection for your or your partners to have a good sexual time, and regarding coming sooner than you'd like, yes this can be avoided with practice. See, for example, whichever is cheapest of Men and Sex or The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld.

    I think you're talking about the refractory period http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_(sex). It's like when a guy ejaculates after masturbation it takes a bit of time before he can do it all again (this can be quite frustrating for guys lol). Whenever I've had any erections fairly soon after masturbation it is usually quite painful, so it's sort of a recovery stage that your penis goes through. It also gets longer as a guy ages. Hope this helps

    it really does vary from man to man.
    If i am particularly aroused, I can maintain my erection after ejaculation, and continue with sex.
    But sometimes, after cumming, im done - penis goes flaccid, and no matter how much i try, i cant get erect again.

    This thread is a few months old now so hopefully you don't need advice anymore but if you still want sex after ejaculating perhaps you could focus on your boyfriend until your refractory period is over. That way the "flow" or the "session" doesn't end so it might feel less frustrating.

    also this might sound really stupid, but as is probably obvious simply from the fact I'm female I'm not a gay man so have no experience with this, if you ejaculate and your penis is flaccid.. but your boyfriend hasn't and therefore his isn't.. can you not just have sex with him being the one doing the penetrating.


Submit reply


Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: July 29, 2013
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Should the UK have more bank holidays?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22

Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Quick reply
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.