Just wanted to bump this thread because a lot's happened since I posted it and I'd like some more advice. I apologize for it being such a long post.
I've had two counselling sessions since I got back to uni. In the first one, last Monday, it was still awkward to begin with, but eventually the counsellor I'm seeing said she thinks I'd benefit from talking about my grandad's death four years ago and how that affected me and why it might have been a trigger. She also suggested I get assessed by a GP because she was concerned about how high my levels of anxiety were and wondered if I might have some form of depression as well.
I went to the GP later that day (I'd have put it off but I also felt physically unwell so I wanted to see what that was) and after I went through my anxiety-related symptoms, she asked me the standard questions that a GP will ask someone who thinks they might be depressed. After I'd answered them, she said it did sound like I might have been suffering from depression for the last 18 months or so as well as anxiety, and was about to prescribe me some antidepressants, until I mentioned that I had three exams the following week (this week), so she gave me a leaflet on SSRIs to take home and said she was leaving the anxiety to be dealt with by the counsellor I'm seeing, and told me to think about it and see her again after my exams are over in a few weeks' time.
I've done my three exams this week now, and two of them felt like they'd gone really badly. I had massive mental blocks in both of them and couldn't remember things that I'd revised well and close to the exam. So that made me feel low and anxious about not doing as well as I'd like and what my parents would say about that.
I had another counselling appointment yesterday, and this time it felt like we'd made some progress. We ended up talking about my relationship with my parents and I'd never have thought about it but after we spent pretty much the whole hour talking about it, I realised that it could be a factor. She also said that the antidepressants might be a good idea, as they might help to reduce my levels of anxiety and depression in the long term and help me to get some of my confidence back. A few other people (online friends) I've spoken to have said I should think about them as well because although the side effects are rubbish at first, they do make a difference if you're on the right one. My boyfriend's not keen on the idea (he didA-Level Pscyhology and it sounds like his teacher made them sound really bad because of the side effects), but says he just wants me to be happy because he hates it when I feel so bad, and he'll support me whatever I decide to do.
My parents, however, aren't convinced that I'm depressed. My mum's not even convinced that I have an anxiety disorder and I think she thinks the way I am is my own fault. My dad understands the anxiety side of things a bit as he's a big worrier himself and has tried to help with that, but he doesn't think that I'm depressed. It upsets me that I feel like I can't tell them about how bad I've felt because I feel like they won't believe me, and I want to tell them how the way they are towards me sometimes affects me but I'm scared of how they'll react because the things that they do that bother me are things that they think they were doing to try and help and it'll make me seem like I'm ungrateful for everything they've ever done for me and I'm not; I just want them to know so that they can avoid doing things like that in future (for example telling me that I'm an adult and decisions are mine to make, then expressing disapproval if they think I've made the wrong choice - it's like they don't trust me to make the right choices in life and know what's best for me). My mum's not known for her ability to take criticism well, let's put it that way - I'm so scared about how they'd respond to me saying this.
I'm on the contraceptive pill and they always say it might be why I'm like this, but I started feeling low and anxious before I even started taking it. They also say a lot of it's because I'm in a relationship and a lot of my anxiety comes from worrying that I'm going to lose my boyfriend and they think we have a relationship that's "too intense" for two people our age.
But yeah, back to the antidepressants - would it be worth trying them to see if they do anything to help both the depression and anxiety? I'm a bit wary of the side effects (although I've been told that they usually go away after the first few weeks) and whether they might interact with the pill.