Serious Relationship at 20

I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships, he's just recently broke up with his girlfriend and he was telling me how serious relationships at our age are completely stupid, unimportant and pointless. We're both about 20, and I'm in a relationship, so he implied all these things about my relationship.

I understand that people change, and in the next 5 or 10 years me and my girlfriend could be completely different people, but I don't understand why my age should negate my relationship, as if I need a certain quota of experience or ex girlfriends to truly find someone I care about.

I think it's a typical male response to commitment, that even if a guy is with a girl that he's truly happy to be with, he'll convince himself to break it off so he can 'find himself' (aka sling his junk around until his ego is content with his bed post notches), then a few years down the line he'll find a new girl, no more or no less suited to him than the first, and he'll retroactively convince himself that his first girl was a stupid learning experience and that he's finally found the one. The only difference is the guys own maturity level.

Am I the stupid one here?

Reply 1

BlahBlaBlahBla

Original post by randymandy

I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships, he's just recently broke up with his girlfriend and he was telling me how serious relationships at our age are completely stupid, unimportant and pointless. We're both about 20, and I'm in a relationship, so he implied all these things about my relationship.

I understand that people change, and in the next 5 or 10 years me and my girlfriend could be completely different people, but I don't understand why my age should negate my relationship, as if I need a certain quota of experience or ex girlfriends to truly find someone I care about.

I think it's a typical male response to commitment, that even if a guy is with a girl that he's truly happy to be with, he'll convince himself to break it off so he can 'find himself' (aka sling his junk around until his ego is content with his bed post notches), then a few years down the line he'll find a new girl, no more or no less suited to him than the first, and he'll retroactively convince himself that his first girl was a stupid learning experience and that he's finally found the one. The only difference is the guys own maturity level.

Am I the stupid one here?

It sounds to me like he is just upset
At some point when he was with his gf he would have believed in finding the right person
Don't take it personally because when he calms down and gets over her he will be OK again :smile:

Btw I'm 20 and I've been with my bf for over a year and I truly believe I could spend the rest of my life with him, after all, if I didn't believe that.. regardless of how old I am why would I be with him right?

Reply 2

bexl24

Ignore him. He's upset and trying to make himself feel happier about his break up... By all means, your relationship is important so don't let him convince you otherwise :smile:

Reply 3

proud nd luvin it

14

It sounds to me that he isn't coping very well. Don't let what he says affect your relationship, because you know how you feel about your girlfriend and how serious you are about her. I'm 19 and have been with my bf for just over a year and we're very serious about each other regardless of our age. :h:

Reply 4

sammyjade92

11

I'm 20 and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years :smile:

He's annoying and I hate him. Just kidding. It's completely dependant on how much effort you're willing to put into a relationship. If you want to go out all the time and pull 28261 girls then you're not going to commit to a relationship. He just sounds upset. And I bet you any money his grandparents or someone he's related to we're married at 20. It was the norm back then! X

Reply 5

Steezy

15

If you're happy, you're happy.

Reply 6

billbobaggins

Being in serious relationship isn't determined by your age it's both your maturity and your girlfriends I know who have been together since they were 15 and are now 21 never cheated and never will. It's down to yoy how serious your relationship is! Not your age. I do feel bad for him though I hope he moves on soon.

Reply 7

Janey142

3

Me and my fiance have been together for 6 years, since I was 16. Some guys guys are committed from an early age, it does happen.

Reply 8

Spontogical

He does have a point, but you should just focus on bettering your relationship. Like Blablah said above, it really is pointless being with someone if you don't see a future with them - unfortunately many young people don't see it this way though.

Reply 9

username447608

14

well to an extent they are not at our age, I love my boyfriend to bits and would be over the moon if we ended up marrying being together for a long time etc etc but while im 20 im not thinking of moving in together marriage etc we dont spend every single waking moment together like couples who live together do we dont have to worry about bills or kids etc etc so to that extent no relationships when your young are not as serious or intense

however I do not think that it doesnt mean your relationship is not emotionally serious ive been with my boyfriend longer and feel alot for him yert i have friends who are 25 plus who are still just having one night stands 2 months relationships so it all depends on the person

Reply 10

concubine

17

Original post by randymandy

I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships, he's just recently broke up with his girlfriend and he was telling me how serious relationships at our age are completely stupid, unimportant and pointless. We're both about 20, and I'm in a relationship, so he implied all these things about my relationship.

I understand that people change, and in the next 5 or 10 years me and my girlfriend could be completely different people, but I don't understand why my age should negate my relationship, as if I need a certain quota of experience or ex girlfriends to truly find someone I care about.

I think it's a typical male response to commitment, that even if a guy is with a girl that he's truly happy to be with, he'll convince himself to break it off so he can 'find himself' (aka sling his junk around until his ego is content with his bed post notches), then a few years down the line he'll find a new girl, no more or no less suited to him than the first, and he'll retroactively convince himself that his first girl was a stupid learning experience and that he's finally found the one. The only difference is the guys own maturity level.

Am I the stupid one here?

And I think that statement stems from a disgusting combination of ignorance and stupidity.

Reply 11

Mankytoes

10

Original post by randymandy

I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships, he's just recently broke up with his girlfriend and he was telling me how serious relationships at our age are completely stupid, unimportant and pointless. We're both about 20, and I'm in a relationship, so he implied all these things about my relationship.

I understand that people change, and in the next 5 or 10 years me and my girlfriend could be completely different people, but I don't understand why my age should negate my relationship, as if I need a certain quota of experience or ex girlfriends to truly find someone I care about.

I think it's a typical male response to commitment, that even if a guy is with a girl that he's truly happy to be with, he'll convince himself to break it off so he can 'find himself' (aka sling his junk around until his ego is content with his bed post notches), then a few years down the line he'll find a new girl, no more or no less suited to him than the first, and he'll retroactively convince himself that his first girl was a stupid learning experience and that he's finally found the one. The only difference is the guys own maturity level.

Am I the stupid one here?

I think you're both being judgemental. If you're happy with your situation, then who cares?

His point is pretty stupid as it's hardly unheard of for people to stay with their partner at twenty. And even if it doesn't last, who cares if you enjoy the relationship? If me and my girlfriend break up I won't think "damn, I wasted my best years", I'll still have had a great time with her.

On the other hand, I don't see why you're so against people who don't want a relationship when they are young. That's their choice, a lot of the time it's actually mature to just keep things casual, rather than have a string of disfunctional relationships.

You should both just chill on thinking what other people should do.

Reply 12

Flibble22

10

I don't think all serious relationships at this age are pointless, but many are. One such exception would be my brother who found his wife in his early twenties and they've been together ever since (20+ years) - they're pretty much made for each other. Many 'relationships' are just unions of convenience, with neither party truly loving each other.

I should be so lucky to find what my brother has...

Reply 13

cac2008

Original post by randymandy

he'll convince himself to break it off so he can 'find himself' (aka sling his junk around until his ego is content with his bed post notches)

Thinking like this won't help your thinking... and please don't tar us all with the same brush. Yes, many men can be described this way, just as many women have just as degrading stereotypes said about them. There are nice, genuine guys out there! :tongue:

Just because you two have opposing views does not mean that one is "stupid"... both arguments may have points in their favour, and likewise both arguments may be total nonsense!

I think some people need to stop having such restrictive expectations. People WILL change over time in a relationship at the age of 20, but this is just as true of a couple that find each other at the age of 50, the only thing that might be different is the rate of change, and how much experience the people have at dealing with this.

He sounds like he's still hurting (it has been said that men can sometimes take a breakup worse as some don't like to express their feelings). Advice: When someone is in the grip of strong emotions, don't take anything they say too seriously, as it is likely they haven't thought it through thoroughly enough before blurting it out.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 14

theorangebox

3

Original post by randymandy

I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships, he's just recently broke up with his girlfriend and he was telling me how serious relationships at our age are completely stupid, unimportant and pointless. We're both about 20, and I'm in a relationship, so he implied all these things about my relationship.

I understand that people change, and in the next 5 or 10 years me and my girlfriend could be completely different people, but I don't understand why my age should negate my relationship, as if I need a certain quota of experience or ex girlfriends to truly find someone I care about.

I think it's a typical male response to commitment, that even if a guy is with a girl that he's truly happy to be with, he'll convince himself to break it off so he can 'find himself' (aka sling his junk around until his ego is content with his bed post notches), then a few years down the line he'll find a new girl, no more or no less suited to him than the first, and he'll retroactively convince himself that his first girl was a stupid learning experience and that he's finally found the one. The only difference is the guys own maturity level.

Am I the stupid one here?

Like pretty much all things, it depends on the individuals and the circumstances. Some people are ready (and have found the right person) for a serious commitment at 20, others haven't. Its natural for those who haven't to be bitter and skeptical of those who have.

He's wrong to imply such things about your relationship, but you're also wrong to judge him for why he might think that way. For him, a relationship at 20 may well be a bad idea. Either because of where he is emotionally or because he hasn't found someone he's that serious about. It's a perfectly valid conclusion.

If you want a relationship now, have one. If he doesn't, he shouldn't have one. Neither of you is right or wrong, making excuses or deluding themselves. You're just making independent decisions, which (surprise, surprise!) is allowed.