The Student Room Group

16-year age gap - advice please!

Hi TSR,

I have been seeing a much older man for the last 6 weeks and would really appreciate some impartial advice. He is 39 and I'm 23. I know this age gap might sound gross, but I'm not a typical 23-year-old (people always say I look and act like I'm in my late-20s) and he isn't a typical 39-year-old either. I've always been attracted to older guys, but when I first met him, I had no idea just how much older he is than me - he looks and acts closer to 30 than 40.

He treats me well, I enjoy spending time with him and find him really attractive, but in the last week or so I've been feeling really needy and worried about where the relationship can go because of the age thing. We talked about it a week ago and he expressed concerns that we want different things and that he wasn't sure things could go anywhere as a result.

I don't necessarily disagree (I'm very aware that he is of the age that he might start wanting to settle down, get married and have kids, while I still want to live abroad and travel the world and wouldn't consider settling down before I'm 30). Problem is, the more time I'm spending with him the more I can feel I'm falling for him, and if it really can't go anywhere, I worry that I'm going to end up miserable.

I don't know what to do. I would really like to find out exactly what he's thinking about all of this, but don't want to seem as needy as I'm currently feeling! Also, a big part of me thinks I should just stop seeing him, but at the same time, I really can't imagine not spending time with him. What should I do? Do you think the age gap is so big that it's always going to cause problems? Should I talk to him? Argghh. Any advice gratefully received.
Reply 1
Well its entirely up to you! If you both genuinly love eachother and want to stay together then i wouldnt say the age gap matters
Reply 2
Original post by Harri2648
Well its entirely up to you! If you both genuinly love eachother and want to stay together then i wouldnt say the age gap matters

And the age gap matters when you aren't in love?
Reply 3
Original post by Treeroy
And the age gap matters when you aren't in love?


idk? didnt say that
Reply 4
Original post by Harri2648
idk? didnt say that

You said that the relationship being okay is reliant on the existence of mutual love. That means, if it isn't there, then the relationship cannot work.

If you didn't really mean that at all, why even mention it?

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