Please mark my essay paragraph by paragraph

Bear in mind this was a 55 minute essay question and I stuck exactly to that time limit. I take IB and am in the first year, (AS equivalent).
Please mark me - A-D grade, etc.

thx guys.

Assess the importance of the role of Bismarck in the unification of Germany

Bismarck, after being appointed Prime Minister of Prussia in 1862, was abe to unify the whole of the Germany by 1870-71. His clever foreign policy and pragmatic approach to politics ensured that Prussia was the German state to unify the whole of Germany, and not Austria. However the path of unification had been created many years before Otto von Bismarck took centre-stage. Factors such as economics, military and nationalism were all crucial in bringing about unification under Prussian leadership; all of these were not influenced by Bismarck.

Reply 1

RAYPLETTS

OP

I will post the next paragraph when a comment has been made

Reply 2

Kentish Man

7

You can't mark an essay paragraph by paragraph. It doesn't work like that at all.

Reply 3

naz707

1

Kentish Man

You can't mark an essay paragraph by paragraph. It doesn't work like that at all.

Yeah, you need to post the whole essay so the links in between paragraphs are seen.

Reply 4

Ads.

7

Yeah i just don't think its very good. i need the complete essay for me to make a full asessment

Reply 5

anon53

4

Perhaps consider comparing your essay to the mark scheme or any model answers. You could also ask your teacher for feedback. Usually examiners award a mark for the overall quality, so it is difficult to comment on a paragraph by paragraph basis bcause structure needs to be evident.

Reply 6

jellybaby99

it looks too narrative.

Reply 7

littlemissalex

13

RAYPLETTS

Bear in mind this was a 55 minute essay question and I stuck exactly to that time limit. I take IB and am in the first year, (AS equivalent).
Please mark me - A-D grade, etc.

thx guys.

Assess the importance of the role of Bismarck in the unification of Germany

Bismarck, after being appointed Prime Minister of Prussia in 1862, was abe to unify the whole of the Germany by 1870-71. His clever foreign policy and pragmatic approach to politics ensured that Prussia was the German state to unify the whole of Germany, and not Austria. However the path of unification had been created many years before Otto von Bismarck took centre-stage. Factors such as economics, military and nationalism were all crucial in bringing about unification under Prussian leadership; all of these were not influenced by Bismarck.

I dont see how you think we could mark an essay, especially paragraph by paragraph! I take it the one you posted is your intro; just by reading that id say its a bit too narrative and too long. You indirectly say the answer to the question right from the start cause you say that he was good in making Prussia the leading state towards unification but then say there were lots of other factors which bismarck had no part in..ie his importance wasnt that great.. see where im getting at? :rolleyes:

dont know what grade id give it, you cant really with just looking at one paragraph, cause this might be the best one you write in the whole essay so giving this a B or whatever might not reflect the actual remainder of the essays' quality..
Plus i dont think you should post your essay here anyway, were not that experienced to tell you what grade anyhow. Give it to your teacher..