My life...............

I'll try and keep this sort:

I have no friends, no job and a broken heart.

I've tried to find sports clubs but there's none in the area. I've joined the local gym in search for friends but no luck (it's not the right place for that!). I'm not some weirdo I'm a very normal girl, pretty in fact!

I've just completed and finished uni and come away with one friend (who lives the other side of the country) i made lots of aquantences but all of those have faded quickly. I have 1 or 2 aquantences here at home who have stood me up more than I've actually seen them this past year, they have good friends already and don't need me.

I'm obviously trying to look for work, but the job market is pretty grim. Please don't suggest volunteering, there's not many places I can do that here and I have looked into it as a way of meeting people, but there all much older people and I'd rather spend that time applying for payed work.

No doubt about it- my life's pretty grim right now. I hardly do anything with my days. I was seeing a guy a few months ago who I'm extremely hung up on and attached to, I can't stop thinking about him, I get really upset over him a lot too. We use to text daily and now I don't talk to anyone, I could literally switch my phone off for a month and revive no messages. He told me straight up that he isn't bothered anymore. He's now moving onto a good career starting soon and having a lot of fun with his friends right now, meeting girls and dating etc, he's moved on. I feel like I'm stuck in rut with life... No one is really interested in me right now. Im starting to take a lot of my frustration and anger out on my family and I live in a mad house as it is, my little brother is lazy and demanding and my older sister is a control freak. She's only a year older but never wants to do anything, she's spends a lot of time with her boyfriend of 6 years, she's not interested in the social scene either.
Whereas I want to socialise and have fun, today I wanted to go to an outdoor bar (people were posting pictures on Facebook and it was bouncing, everyone was having fun) but I had no one to go with. I have wanted a boyfriend for a while now, I get attention on the street but obviously nothing comes from it. A relationship would give me comfort and a social life. But like I said, I don't really get to meet guys.

I'm just feeling a bit upset right now and would like advice please. The main thing that's bothering me is my the guy I was seeing, he was also my only friend as such, I feel attached and just can't let it go easily.

Thanks for taking the time.

Reply 1

ScouserLFC

Good things come to those who wait.

Reply 2

coastbeats

Original post by ScouserLFC

Good things come to those who wait.

Bull. There's not a bigger lie than that. Bad things come to those who wait, actually nothing comes to those who wait. My advice: get out there and enjoy life.

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Reply 3

fishmoon

You sound like a sweet and caring person. Don't sweat, there are many in worse positions.
Remember, you are young. Join a few clubs, like yoga or a book club. Maybe focus on your career aspects more, have something that you are working towards. Maybe apply to Oxford for a Post grad course for geography or something in the next 3 years, and spend all your time studying for that???

Reply 4

stuart_aitken

You said you joined a gym hoping to meet people and it didn't work... Is there ar local climbing centre near you? Well, a bouldering centre ('free climbing' - doesn't need ropes or harnesses - more relaxed). I joined one recently and in a non-predatory way one of the first things I noticed was the great mix of guys and girls doing a fun and social thing without any additional sleeze or alcohol. Definite potential to make friends or more if you go regularly enough. Plus everyone is really fit... :colone:

Oh and I mostly went alone, so don't worry about the loner factor because it's normal there. Plus you're a girl and you say you're pretty so if you stick around long enough you'll certainly get someone talking to you.

Probably useless advice but thought I'd share!

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Reply 5

az08

Where abouts in the country do you live?

And do you not have any friends from school etc nearby that you can chill with?

Reply 6

Beths_7

You just need to get out there and go for it! You're not going to make any friends by moping around all day :smile:

Why don't you contact some of your old acquaintances from uni that you fell out of touch with as a place to start? I know you say they're not interested but if you take the initiative to contact them, then you can arrange to go and stay with them or something :smile:

In the longer term - I know you say there are no sports clubs near you - but there will be more than you know of. Try researching local ones on the Internet, and you might discover ones you didn't know about before :smile:

id recommend a yoga or Pilates class - I know a lot of girls of around your age go, and it's easy to make new friends. If not, then any sort of exercise class is the best way to go, as there will be people going regularly.

Were you a member of any societies in uni? If so, could you contact someone from there, and ask if they know of anything related to your society locally? :smile:

As for a job - do you have a specific career path in mind? As in something to do with your degree? If so, then the best way is to find local companies who you can contact. If there are no jobs available, the best thing to do is to get a temporary job. Have you been to a job centre? they really can help :smile:

if not, is there a shopping centre or something nearby? You can always just print of a load of CVs an drop them into all the shops - then there's a good chance one of them will contact you. If no full time work is available (if that's what you're looking for) then take a part time job whilst you're looking for a permanent job. It may not what you want right now, but it's better than moving about all day.

Good luck, and I hope this helps :smile:

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(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 7

europeanbob

Original post by ScouserLFC

Good things come to those who wait.

Good things come to those to try hard and work hard

Reply 8

europeanbob

In your position , and it does sound pretty grim the only advice I would say is try to find a job! Even if its in a retail shop or whatever, you will be spending time with the same people every day so it'll be quite easy to make friends! Afterwork drinks and doing stuff when no one is working (weekend) will make your fellow employees into a family, but doing something makes you forget about your ex.

Reply 9

Climbontoyourseahorse

The worst thing you could do in your situation is make getting a boyfriend your priority. Contrary to what you might think, a boyfriend is the last thing you need right now. A boyfriend is a bonus and not a necessity, and will not provide you with the kind of social life you need. Moreover you cannot rely on one person. You'd be placing all your happiness in them (not good) and could become clingy, and being clingy will sabotage a relationship and make him run for the hills. Build a network of friends first and put romance to the back of your mind for the moment. When you're feeling happier you'll also probably attract better guys. I know it's hard to see someone move on, as this guy seems to have done, but don't let it get to you. Hide him on your social networking newsfeeds.

The job market is admittedly very grim, but keep on looking. If you keep coming across skills in job ads that you don't have, note them all down and think about ways in which you can acquire them. You might be able to do a course in something locally. Have you visited agencies? Are you aiming to get a job in your hometown or are you thinking of moving away? Keep going to the gym too, even if you don't feel like it's a very sociable place. It'll get you out of the house and exercise is great for your frame of mind.

The thing you need to remember though is that your situation is so common for graduates. Things will get better but they won't do so on their own.