How to let go of a first love that you can't have

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Basically there this one girl in my life who over the past year i've developed strong feelings for, and it's been getting me down (as in it was one of the reasons for me having mild depression)

I know i have to let her go and move on, and i feel that over the year i have don't something like that, however i am still clinging onto her in a sense, i pining..........

Wow get over it loser. Only the weak suffer from depression. Well no that's not a good statement to make as it isn't accurate at all, but.. Eh I don't want to waste any more energy on your feebleness. :angry:

Reply 21

Anonymous #4

You are in that harmful mentality where a (dominant?) part of you wants to be all melodramatic and sad, I think. Dare I say this is even why you have committed so much to someone unavailable and uninterested. It's just all food for your "I'm going to miserable" demon.

I'm not saying that to judge you, I've been the same in my own past (maybe I'm putting to much of myself and my own friends' experiences into this, I don't know?). A lot of people go through it. But you need to stop spinning this into some grand, life-defining tragedy.

She's your "first love" and you'll never recover? Please. You are in charge of your own life and your own emotions. Start to modify them, feel that self-worth you deserve. Stop pinning it all on purposefully impossible girl-related targets. You've got to be more interesting and there's got to be more to you than just your ability to devote yourself to someone else. You can't expect anyone else to be attracted to you when you're so desperate like this - and worse it must make you feel bad about yourself.

Socially awkward? Or just socially different and using it as an excuse to put yourself down and give up? You have put yourself in loserville and now you've got comfy and decided to stay! NO!

Now maybe I've been melodramatic so I'll move on to advice:

A) Stop talking to her. You aren't friends (maybe you were, but not now). Neither is she your true love. Talking to her, seeing her, thinking about her, dwelling on her - these are all lame things to do and won't help you.

B) Give yourself some credit. You're better than this. Your emotions and commitment are at least worth some sort of approximately equal return from someone else. The sooner you can start to realise your own worth the faster you will get over not only this, but maybe kick that "I'm miserable and my life's a big tragedy" demon in the teeth and adopt an "I'm awesome and I'm gonna enjoy my life" mentality instead. Believe me the latter is more attractive.

C) When you meet someone who cares for you romantically, sexually, fully and to whom you are not "just a friend"; and you have real intimacy (which is a shared feeling) and a real relationship when you develop deep mutual feelings of love - you will forget the significance you currently attach to the feelings you have for your friend atm. Honestly, because whilst I'm not one to define "love" or "real", what you are experiencing at the moment sucks in comparison to the feelings you will access when you find someone you think is fantastic, who thinks you are fantastic.

Reply 22

Anonymous #5

There is someone else out there for you buddy.

Get down the gym, start a new hobby. Then get on POF and start meeting girls.

Reply 23

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

There is someone else out there for you buddy.

Get down the gym, start a new hobby. Then get on POF and start meeting girls.

already on POF, hasn't worked for me at all

Reply 24

Climbontoyourseahorse

Time to be cruel to be kind. Right, I have seen this same story rehashed so many times on TSR. You only get away with this because you use the anon function all or most of the time. Sitting inside on TSR, doing nothing else but argue with and reject peoples' advice - and people tend to be quite responsive with this story - is not going to help. It's like you are sitting in a pit of misery and putting the responsibility of you moving on onto other people. You'll move on when some random person has told you the fool-proof magic formula for getting over someone. This is a lazy attitude. It's fine to vent and ask for a few words of wisdom, but this is obsessive.

You need to cut contact with this girl. You've mentioned other friends, I'm sure, so you'll have others to talk to. The initial cutting of contact is what will probably hurt the most, but short-term pain will be long-term gain.

If romantic rejection has tipped you into a state of depression, maybe it's time you spoke to a professional. If you already have, see someone else. I think that this sense of dejection you have been experiencing isn't about this girl, or entirely so. Also, for the moment, please stop dating. It is quite obvious that the only girl you are looking for is the one you are infatuated with, and you will only be frustrated when any girl you date, unsurprisingly, isn't her.

How to let go of a first love that you can't have

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