Define "clingy".

The word "clingy" gets thrown around a lot, and I'm just wondering what people think makes someone a clingy friend?

Thoughts?

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Reply 1

Scott.

You go out for two weeks "they love you".

Constant texting, even when you see them quite often.

Try too hard to impress.

Tell you quite deep things too soon.

Reply 2

emletsgoyeah

No space
Always want to be together but in a suffocating way
Wants to know everything that you're doing/have done
Tells you private things too soon
Tries to do everything for/impress you
Wants to be together all the time for a long time

This can all be fine if both people are as clingy as eachother. If it's just one person it can suffocate the other

Reply 3

daisydaffodil

Do you watch the inbetweeners? There's an episode where Jay epitomizes clingy behaviour, he has a girlfriend and friends her on facebook, myspace, bebo etc, texts her, goes round to her house a lot, worries that she's too good for him, tells her things that are quite full on IIRC.

Friend wise it's probably quite similar but constant texting, facebooking, phoning, following them around, telling friends too much too soon, worrying that they'll be friends with others, feeling jealous of their other friends, wanting to be with them 24/7.

It all stems to insecurities on the clingy person's part and isn't nice for either person!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by daisydaffodil

No, I don't watch it. I'm thinking more of being clingy as friends rather than girl/boyfriends though!

So ... how does one try *not* to be a clingy person?
All of you have said about "not telling private things too soon", but what does that mean? How soon is too soon? What if you just can't tell about these things :frown:

And what counts as constant texting?

Thanks.

Reply 5

daisydaffodil

Original post by Anonymous

And what counts as constant texting?

Thanks.

Aaaah.

Are you worried you are the clingy person?

It depends per friendship, how close you are etc. Telling private things too soon - well.. you don't for example, want to meet a person in a lecture and within the hour tell them your life story. It's something that comes gradually, in a friendship you learn about each other over time and through conversation/involvement with each other's life. The closer you are, the more that they tell you and vice versa.

Texting wise - again, difficult to say. If you were texting hourly/daily it might be a bit much, but it depends.

The best thing when trying to avoid being clingy is to be a confident person, good self esteem, know that your friends want to be around you. That should help with feeling the need to seek reassurance that they are definitely your friends, etc.

Also - don't put all your eggs in one basket, as people say. Don't confine yourself to one close friend and only one close friend - try to get involved in different social groups, different friends etc. That way being clingy becomes harder to do! :smile:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by daisydaffodil

I am a bit worried, yeah :redface:

I'm very awkward at this, not sure of the social norms. I've been friends with the person for quite a while, but I'm an extremely introverted and private person. I've only just started getting sort of "closer" with the person, and I'm scared of doing it wrong. Like, how often should I text them, how much I should be telling them about myself. Even HOW to tell them stuff about myself without it coming out really randomly.
:frown:

I'm so scared of not being clingy that it's driving me mad! I don't know what's normal.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

*scared of BEING clingy I meant, oops :colondollar:

Reply 8

username880200

Original post by Anonymous

I am a bit worried, yeah :redface:

I'm so scared of not being clingy that it's driving me mad! I don't know what's normal.

Are you a boy or a girl?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Study

Are you a boy or a girl?

Girl.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Girl.

How he does reply back when you message him?

Reply 11

MelanieDickson

Just play close attention to how they react. If they always reply to all your texts, are always up for meeting up, always happy to talk to you, then you're probably doing good. If they're more distant, don't reply as often, give short answers, never make first contact, etc...chances are you're being a bit overbearing. Some indicators of enthusiasm might be a lot of smiley faces or a lot of exclamation marks (although this obviously depends on how they communicate normally) or in real life, a lot of smiling, cheerful demeanor, always happy to stop and chat, etc. (although this might also be affected by their personality and mood) Play attention to how they interact with you as to how they'd like to be reacted with in turn.

Everyone's different, and how much someone wants to talk to you will depend on their mood, workload, situation, and (frankly) how much they actually like you. Obviously all these will vary from person to person so look out for indicators.

Reply 12

sr90

Volunteer Team

It's hard to give one answer. ''Constant texting'' is a bit vague. If you write someone an essay and they do the same back, you need not worry. There are people I text constantly but it's obvious they want to talk to me. If someone starts giving short answers, not carrying on a conversation etc it's probably a sign they don't want to talk at that moment. Remember they will have other friends and you're probably not the only person they're talking to.

When they don't reply and you start sending them multiple messages in a short space of time, then yeh. That's way too much. Like I was talking to someone on FB who asked why I took so long to reply and then they go ''but you saw the message''. Which was wierd, I often read things and forget to reply for ages.

If I think i'm being a bit clingy I just back off for a bit. Even the best of friends can't talk all day every day!

Reply 13

username880200

Original post by Anonymous

Girl.

You might want to take notice of how long they are taking to reply to one of you're messages.

This sums it up :p:

Original post by shakerist

This sums it up :p:

She seems like she'd be an awesome friend in real life, not many people if they became a meme would laugh at themselves with everyone else like she has.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1QxqVEkTKg

Anyway OP clingy to me is someone who wants to talk for hours every day, friends need space every now and then, casual contact everyday is fine but deep meaningful conversations everyday gets old fast. Also if you get jealous over your friends having other friends you are probably clingy (that includes significant others,) as long as you aren't doing that I wouldn't call you clingy.

Reply 16

dawn94

Someone who always hangs around you constantly, never leaves you alone, contacts you day in day out. Basically just suffocates you.

That's what I call clingy. :smile:

I knew someone like that once. It can be very frustrating.

Reply 17

pathosL

When they won't shutup if you don't reply to their messages in 10 seconds

Reply 18

Albert Camus

Original post by Anonymous

The word "clingy" gets thrown around a lot, and I'm just wondering what people think makes someone a clingy friend?

Thoughts?

if two people in a relationship whether friends, partners or something else, such as acquaintances, are casual about when they meet, if they talk, whether they have space to express themselves independently when how and where they like, i would say the relationship is healthy.

otherwise, if any of the above are not true - for instance:

- MEET ME HERE NOWHERE ELSE
- TALK TO ME NOW AND TONIGHT AND AT ONE IN THE MORNING

I would avoid people like that ...

Reply 19

igloo1

friend wise?
texting CONSTANTLY when you obvioulsy don't want to.
keep wanting to do stuff outside of school/ work.
hugging for no reason.
acting like you're their only friend and they tell you everythiiing, down to what they eat last night.
being with you as much as possible and being like a puppy on your heels.

..yeah.