Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

toxic relationships?

Has anybody been in a toxic relationship? Like arguing vs lot, maybe calling each other names.

It's not always like that just sometimes especially since we've had stress because of money troubles.

I know we should probably end it but I can't seem to do it, we've been together so long

Be interested to see other people's experiences

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I'm in one now.

Unfortunately, we can't do without each other, which is why we don't split up. So I guess I'm in a similar position to you.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I wouldn't say mine was a completely horrible relationship but we could definitely be much better. I suffer from depression which doesn't help, I feel like maybe I snap at him a lot. Plus sometimes I just have no energy at all and don't pull my weight around the house which doesn't help when he's been doing a 12 or 14 hour shift. I know if I had a job I would feel so much better about everything, I wouldn't feel so sorry for myself constantly.

It's mostly just the really heated fights I'm sick of, they can get really bad on both sides. Unless we both change I'm going to have to make a decision soon. He's a good boyfriend most of the time, maybe we just aren't right fir each other. It wasn't always like this

Reply 3

Malevolent

Yup and it was seriously unhealthy. Both of us constantly upset with each other, somehow always managed to make things my fault yet I never ended it because I genuinely loved her but honestly after a while when you're out of that relationship you look back and thing damn I was in a bad situation.

Reply 4

pinkangelgirl

sort of. Ive had a very toxic relationship full of arguing and unhappiness.

Reply 5

So Instinct

Yep. Make up sex was fantastic though. Not good for the long run I'd say.

Reply 6

username47781

I have been in a few likes this, not nice and in the end it just wears you down if it continues like that.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Thanks guys.

I think im going to have to end it soon. Another arguement today, i ended up walking out and going to my mums house. we just seem to wind each other up all the time.

few other things aswell - i suffer from depression, its not major stuff but comes and goes but isnt just "feeling blue". its makes me not want to do anything at all and was one of the main reasons why we were always fighting over things like housework. We'd argue and he'd call me things like a lazy cow and said i was just using it as a excuse and that everybody felt down sometimes. That it was my own fault for sitting around instead of going walks and stuff. So i went to the doctors to talk about it, she took a blood test and turned out i had a few things wrong with it but she didnt mention the depression. So that shut him up for a bit but its all started again because i feel my self slipping back into being lazy. Im trying my best to stop being like this but i dont feel hes being very nice. as if im faking my depression.

When we argue we get really nasty to each other and hes said things like im a fat ugly cow. Im no angel either and have said bad stuff too.

When our relationships good then its really good but the arguements obviously arent good for us and wont be helping my moods either.

I think i'd be better off just on my own especially as i should be starting uni next year, i dont need to be extra stressed out

Sorry for rambling, just needed it off my chest

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

I'm so confused, things have been really good today. He brought me back something I'd been looking for, I didn't even realise he knew. He can be so thoughtful and kind sometimes. I just hate it when we argue and get extra nasty.

Reply 9

*#147#

Been in one, kinda feels i'm in one right now. Good luck OP.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Well it needs to end, it got really bad tonight. He totally flipped out over the tactic hadn't cleaned my side of the storage space for his golf clubs when he already asked me a few days ago but I don't remember him saying. We got into a argument and I ended up being cheeky back which made him worse. He threatened to hit me and at one point pushed me towards the wall although not hard. hard I did actually think he might hit me this time though. He also freaked out over the fact my hairbrush was on his stereo and throw it across the room so it snapped in half. I got all the usual stuff - fat ugly useless cow, I didn't want a job and was just laughing at everyone who works while I sit in the house and do nothing, that if I started college and uni I'd never pass or finish it

I feel emotionally exhausted and just feel a weak person for staying. If this was somebody else's boyfriend I'd call them a idiot for staying. The thing is he used to be lovely, like he would never harm a fly. He's the sort of guy who gets along with most people etc. If my mum knew what happened tonight she'd kill him.

I can't help feeling that all this is my fault because I don't have a job and all the money stress is on him and maybe I could help out more around the house although I've been trying more. It just never seems good enough.

Is there any excuse for abusive behaviour - can you make someone like this? :frown:

I feel so crap

No you can't 'make someone' like that OP. You need to get out now, while you can.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

He doesn't stop me from leaving, in fact when we argue he tells me to **** off, he's thrown me out the house at night before but I had nowhere to go so I had to beg to cone back. I don't think he'd actually care if I left to be honest. It's just me that can't seem to permanently leave. We split up a few weeks ago and I moved out for a week. We then talked and I told him I'd try and stop being as lazy around the house and I'd look harder for a job, he promised to stop losing his temper so much and he did till tonight.

He tells me it's all my fault, that I make him like this and that if I tried harder then he wouldn't have to shout. Even if that's true it's still not right to be scared of your partner. I feel like a total coward especially since I know he probably wouldn't care if he didn't see me again. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about things

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 14

Pipsico

Op, please get out now.

Get out get out get OUT. The longer you're with him, the longer he will sap the life out of you. He is a Jeckll and Hyde and this will all end in tears if you don't get out ASAP. He has no respect for you. You're young and can find someone better.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

I shouldn't of came back after the last time we split up. Also, a year or more whinge dumped me and we were apart for almost two months if I remember correctly, I ended up begging him to take me back. Luckily I left most of my stuff at my mind house last time, knew this would probably happen again.

although I do love him in a way I think I find it hard to leave because we have two dogs together and we are going to have to split them up between two different places, one is I'll and dying so I feel extra guilty about that. I can't stay here for a dog though plus its not fair on them either with all the noise etc. Once I start college I'm sure I'll feel better about myself and life in general.

Ironically he says that I can't get a job, I'm boring, no energy etc but he's mostly the reason I'm like this. Even when I told him I thought I was depressed and also might have thyroid problems he told me I was talking carp and making up excuses for being lazy and he wasn't going to be with someone who was on depression medication. He's o e of these "pick yourself up and get on with it" types

Reply 16

username47781

Why are you staying with someone like this, he is horrible.

Reply 17

IlexBlue

Leave now. No ifs, ands or buts. Out. He's an abusive prick, OP, and it's not your fault - many seemingly decent guys have these horrible personas lurking beneath the surface, unfortunately.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

If this was anybody else's relationship I'd think they were mad for staying. I just keep going back because I think it's me that needs to change and it's usually at night we argue before he goes to work so by the time he's back home we've both cooled down or sometimes I'll go stay at my mum's house for a night or two.

I've barely had any sleep, kept worrying and thinking last night. I text him this morning saying not to come home and if he did then I'd just need to take the dogs on the train. He said " I take it we're splitting up.. wouldn't it just be easier to stop being lazy". I said "would it not be easier being less abusive". He said sorry and that it upsets him seeing me waste my life by not doing anything. I told him he didn't have to watch it anymore because I was leaving and that even if i did ruin my life it was better than staying with someone who threatens to hit me

He became quite nasty again and said we could all F off and it was just me thst made him so angry and upset. If that's the case then we're both just better off away from each other so I don't get why he even bothers trying to excuse it

I get so angry that he can't see what he's like, everything's my fault etc. As said in previous posts - I know that I'm no Angel but I really shouldn't haven't have to put up with someone who's meant to love me talk to me like this

Reply 19

_anyawalsh

I think it's healthy to argue, but not all the time..
My first relationship was toxic, after 6 months of constant arguing, name calling, backstabbing, I broke up with him and I was depressed for a year
Not because the relationship ended, but because my self esteem was so low and I was so young so didn't understand it properly till a few years later
But I'm glad I had that experience so I know when to get out if I'm in one again!

Posted from TSR Mobile