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found out im pregnant, dont know what to do

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Reply 20
You want this baby. That's your decision made. Keep your child.

Nothing is unmanageable - yes, it will be hard work, but you CAN have this baby and finish your degree. Have you told your parents yet? It'll be difficult but you can do this: you want your baby, never lose sight of that no matter how hard it seems things will be, it'll be worth it :smile:
Have you spoken to him? Being pregnant will put a lot of things into perspective, and if he knows there's a chance he will be a father then he might change his plans. Sure, studying in Australia might be great for him, but he might think that having a baby is more important. Either way, having his input is important.

But keeping the baby just because it would remind you of him is not a good move. That's not a good enough reason to have a child.. in my opinion, anyway. You need to really want this baby if you're going to keep it, and understanding what a lifelong commitment that would be.

Talk to him. Talk to your family, get some support. Even if you have a termination you will still need a lot of support, because it's not an easy thing to go through, certainly not on your own.
Reply 22
Why don't you guys try out LDR for some time and once you're done with uni you can move to Australia too? He'll probably have a job and you can find one too maybe. If you guys love each other so much hopefully things may work out alright with you guys.
Reply 23
Yes, I'm glad people have raised the issue of the potential temporality of the Australia thing. In this academic climate that we're in, it's not a foregone conclusion that a post somewhere will lead to a permanent situation in a particular area. May I ask what discipline your ex is studying in? If it's science, then different considerations will be needed; but if it's arts, then please do think about the haphazardness of putting all your eggs in this basket. I myself have the possibility of doing postgrad study in NZ, and it's not something to be taken lightly, especially if there are ties keeping you in the UK.

Like others have said, is it possible for you to postpone your studies for a year and follow your ex out to Australia, if it's only for an MA, then for 12 months or so? Universities at BA/BSc level can be so accommodating, and I'm sure will fully understand your situation. What subject are you yourself studying? Unless it's Medicine or Law or Veterinary Science or Engineering, I can't imagine it's going to be something which absolutely requires three years on the trot.

As for the adoption/abortion thing, it's really your call. I can only speak from my own perspective (as can us all). I'm not sure in 1989 whether abortions were possible in the Soviet Bloc of eastern European countries, but if they were, then at significant risk to the woman's life. In any case, she chose to have her baby, and give it up for adoption. Who am I to say that I'm glad for being alive? My life wasn't in my hands then, and, though I can speak as a 'believer' now, I trust that God would have redeemed the situation, even if my mother had terminated her pregnancy. Of course it's not ideal -- neither is adoption. But this is real life. I'm only sorry you have to go through such a difficult decision at so young an age. I think it's so important not to internalise any sense of guilt or idea that you are a failed woman because of it.

But really, my deepest sympathy lies with you in the sense that you say you still love your ex, and I can totally understand that you see your baby as a part of him, because, quite frankly, it is. No one should call you foolish for wanting to have the baby even for those reasons. So I think the onus is as much on your ex for considering what he values in life and wants; I only hope you both don't let bitter resentment to eventually eat away at any fond feelings you have had for each other.

Hold tight, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 24
Original post by Super Cicero
The one thing you should not do is kill your beautiful unborn child. If you can't afford to look after the baby, give it up for adoption. Murder is never acceptable, so don't do it!



Exactly!!! How can people abort a baby, that makes me feel sick, how can you kill something so beautiful, so innocent, something made just for you..
Original post by Anonymous
my bf and I split up a few weeks ago. we were in love but decided we wouldn't be able to stay together as he has gone to study a postgrad degree abroad in Australia and plans on it being a permanent move. the only reason Im not going with him is he doesn't want me to have to give up my education. if I went with him at this point in time I would have no real qualifications as ive only in the second year of my undergrad degree.

I want to keep the baby as its a part of him, I still love him, I don't know that I could cope with ending the pregnancy. But at the same time I don't think I could cope with being a single mother and studying at the same time, even with the support of my family. we talked about me moving to be with him after I finish my degree but obviously that's not a certainty given the amount of time between now and then.

help

People, If you disagree with my opinion please DONOT reply to my post. I wrote this only for the OP and I do not wish you argue with any of you. Btw my English writing skills are pretty rubbish :smile:

Original poster, please watch these short youtube videos of REAL people talking their experience on keeping the baby vs choosing abortion. You decide what you wanna be.

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_HPynMzWSI look at her comments.

2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82CHAETrkzo



Hi, This is the way to follow if you DON'T want to regret/depress/cry all night thinking about this in the future.
1) Go to university, fill in the taking a year out form in your university. Talk to your adviser.

2) take the year out, study by yourself during the 10 months pregnancy. if you are pregnant now, you will be due on April 2014. Uni starts on 2014 October . Your child will be 6 months old. So you can go to uni and continue your degree. btw very good timing.

Personal opinion

3) Most of the women who decide to have an abortion regret it in the future. This is amplified million times when they see the reality of their expectations. we think once we get the degree 2.1 or a first, a city job or £ 40,000 job is waiting for us. The reality is different. Some people have to retake their entire year at university because bad grades. A year is nothing.

4) you will be far far motivated to succeed in life when you have a child. The usual structure we have is to do GCSE, Do ALS , University, Job, dating ( Long term/one night stands/short term casual sex with badboys ) , when hit 30 find a beta male dude who is good enough , get married, then have children . This structure is bullSh**. My mother had me when she was 22 and she is more successful than her peers who followed the structure.


5) I can figure out what kind of person you are by the way you have written the post. You are a caring person who would like to have this child if it is not gonna obstruct your future plans. Trust me , it will not. For some people abortion is like removing a rotten tooth or taking their daily morning dump. You are better than that


6) I can preach and persuade you to have the baby. Ultimately it is your action and it is you who have to face the outcome of your actions. It is the law of karma. It is your life. Anyone else has nothing..absolutely nothing to do with it. Even your bf or parents. It is your life. Take responsibility. Imagine One day you may have the £60,000 pa job, mortgage free house, the newest BMW. On that day will you regret the abortion or not? The word regret is not accurate to be used with abortion. It is pretty much like depression, constant beating that comes from mind and guilt.


7) You are 100% responsible for the pregnancy. You are the one who decided to have sex. He did not rape you. It does not matter you were in a long term or a one night stand. It does not matter your bf or husband still with you or not. So this is 100% your decision.


8) I am trying to help you here, not to make you follow my beliefs. In summary if you decide to get the abortion you will regret it, will be depressed and it will constantly haunt you. It leaves a permanent scar on your mind.

If you think you are an empowered ,sexually liberated feminist women who has the 100% right to do whatever she wants with her body and if you get the abortion then as a result you will have to block and constantly fight with your guilt. This leads to dementia and a lot of mental problems in older age. Why? When you are 70 there is not job to do, no house to buy, no guy to shag. You are left contemplating your actions. Most people regret and die miserably. People who die happy are the people who had a clean virtuous slate on their mind with no regret. if you decide to keep the baby I ask you to practice metta meditation. It has an amazing effect on the connection between mother and the child.

May you be well and happy.
With metta loving kindness.

Tyler Ravindra
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I do really want to have this baby, that's why im struggling so much. I don't think I could cope with giving up our child for adoption. both of our parents work full time so although they could help to some extent I don't know how much


Well if you do really want to have it, and you don't want to abort or give it up for adoption, then you've made up your mind already.

The rest will fall into place. Life has a funny way of throwing you curve balls, but you get through them somehow.

Good luck x
Reply 27
My advice would be to speak to your doctor / parents / ex-boyfriend and find out what help there is for parents at your Uni. Then make an educated decision on what would make YOU happiest. You only live once so make the most of it! And definitely stop posting in places like this where over-opinionated judgemental idiots will start trying to make you feel bad. Just don't keep it in the hope that he will stay - make your choice as though he won't and then its a bonus if he does help :smile:

As for all these 'Abortion is Wrong' posts - ignore them. People who have nothing better to do with their time then to push their opinions onto others. The Earth is overpopulated enough and I think it is far worse to bring an unwanted child into this world than it is to end it before it is actually human.
Original post by _amyjane

As for all these 'Abortion is Wrong' posts - ignore them. People who have nothing better to do with their time then to push their opinions onto others. The Earth is overpopulated enough and I think it is far worse to bring an unwanted child into this world than it is to end it before it is actually human.


lol pot calling the kettle black there much?

With what you've just said there, you're trying just as hard to influence her into not having the child, as the other people are of trying to persuade her into not aborting!
Reply 29
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
lol pot calling the kettle black there much?

With what you've just said there, you're trying just as hard to influence her into not having the child, as the other people are of trying to persuade her into not aborting!


No, I said 'unwanted child'. That is me saying to abort if it is UNWANTED. If she wants it she should have it, my actual advice was to do what would make her happy and to speak to her parents, ex and Uni about it. Goodness me.
Original post by _amyjane
No, I said 'unwanted child'. That is me saying to abort if it is UNWANTED. If she wants it she should have it, my actual advice was to do what would make her happy and to speak to her parents, ex and Uni about it. Goodness me.


She already said she wants it though (and I quote word for word "I really do want to have this baby"), so why start mentioning unwanted children? :s-smilie:
Reply 31
And she has actually said she does want to have it.. so my post would not persuade her at all. I just didn't want this forum to have guilt-ed her into it.
Reply 32
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
She already said she wants it though (and I quote word for word "I really do want to have this baby"), so why start mentioning unwanted children? :s-smilie:


We both posted the same point at the same time. Like I said, I was not trying to influence her - nor should I be able to. I was just saying not to listen to all the anti-abortion responses because that is other people's personal opinion. And that she should speak to doctor's and Uni etc as they are the ones who can offer real advice.

"Trying just as hard to influence her into not having a child" is certainly something I would never do!
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by _amyjane
And she has actually said she does want to have it.. so my post would not persuade her at all. I just didn't want this forum to have guilt-ed her into it.


Most people on this forum try to encourage people who make threads like this, into having abortions.

The ones who cry "you're killing a baby, don't do it" are few and far between. Most certainly in a very small minority.

So I wouldn't worry yourself thinking there's an influx of pro-lifers on here, because there really isn't.

The OP is quite capable of knowing whether or not she wants to keep the baby, without anybody telling her to keep it, abort it, or donate it to the nearest travelling circus. As she already stated she wanted to keep it, it just seems ridiculous to start going on about unwanted children, or banging on about the benefits of abortion.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
my bf and I split up a few weeks ago. we were in love but decided we wouldn't be able to stay together as he has gone to study a postgrad degree abroad in Australia and plans on it being a permanent move. the only reason Im not going with him is he doesn't want me to have to give up my education. if I went with him at this point in time I would have no real qualifications as ive only in the second year of my undergrad degree.

I want to keep the baby as its a part of him, I still love him, I don't know that I could cope with ending the pregnancy. But at the same time I don't think I could cope with being a single mother and studying at the same time, even with the support of my family. we talked about me moving to be with him after I finish my degree but obviously that's not a certainty given the amount of time between now and then.

help


Too many assumptions...

Would it not be possible for you to go into the final year of an Australian degree course? Or for him to defer his post-grad for a year? There are lots of ways in which things could work out...

All I can say with certainty is that you need to tell him, both about the baby and about your feelings.
Reply 35
Make sure that you're taking a decision based on what you want and not on the fear of ending your pregnancy. You are a student, maybe you should consider finishing uni and having a stable life and job before being a parent?

And this should be your own decision, you shouldn't have the baby if you are thinking of it as a memory of your ex bf. One year, two years from now you will be in a totaly different place and maybe in a serious relationship with someone else e.g

Good luck and stay strong!
Have an abortion

I am not going to pay for this baby as I have better things to spend my money on :cool:

Original post by doctordee
Exactly!!! How can people abort a baby, that makes me feel sick, how can you kill something so beautiful, so innocent, something made just for you..


Have you seen a fetus it is not beautiful

It is an embryo, they do nor know that they are alive

We need a way of reducing population apart from ethnic cleansing
You say you really want this baby... I think that is your answer. If that is truly what you want then you can no doubt find a way to make this work. Perhaps look into whether it would be possible to transfer to an Australian university to complete your degree? At least look into taking a year out of your course so that your child is a little older when you go back. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck :smile:
I would definitely speak to your ex-boyfriend. You didn't split up because you didn't love the other anymore. It was easier than stressing yourselves out over a long-distance relationship. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. It will do you both the world of good for him to be studying his degree in Australia & for you to study yours where you currently are. Babies are incredibly hard work & they are expensive. Your family will help you out, as will the university. At my university, we have childcare facilities, including a nursery where your baby could stay whilst you're in lectures. Your boyfriend would need to be considered, as he might feel guilty about being in Australia & not being able to meet his child until he's a few months old. For me, I hate the thought of abortion & if it is going to be a big regret, don't do it. I couldn't give my baby up for adoption because you've already bonded. If it was me, no matter how much money I had, no matter what my relationship status was, I would keep my baby because it was made out of love & it deserves a chance. Follow your heart. I've had a pregnancy scare once & I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. We got so happy when we thought we were expecting a baby, but we were also worried. It turned out I wasn't pregnant. I was gutted. Just make sure you're definitely pregnant & speak to a tutor, a member of staff at your university, your parents & or your boyfriend. You're at university because you're an intelligent adult. You definitely have the ability to be a good Mummy! Good luck :biggrin:
Original post by SillyMilly
I think that keeping the baby just because its a part of him is wrong,you have to 1000% want this baby its not fair to bring a child into the world if your not committed to it. This baby will depend on you emotionally and financially babies can be the most amazing gift but also there hard work. Why dont you consider adoption? do you not have any family who would help? what about his family his parents surely they wouldnt want to turn their back on their own grandchild?


This.

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