I'm 19 and been suffering from very bad depression since i was almost 11. it seems to get worse and worse, i can't even walk with a straight head and shoulders on the street i live on. i cant concentrate, i failed AS level 2 times (wasted 2 years, knew all along i was going to fail but parents wanted me to). teachers thought i'm not clever enough to do a levels, so i started a short course in fashion designing which i was looking forward to, but left that too because i could barely say a word and i felt so intimidated.
since i was 11 until now most days go where i haven't spoken a word to anyone (except for when parents ask something or call downstairs). only thing i looked forward to was eating as my mum always makes fresh food, but i feel even that is being taken away , like... i start eating, then as if mood swing or what , i feel like throwing the plate and pushing the table and then i can't eat and it upsets my mum a lot and i too regret later when i calm down, i don't have any friends , nor i wish, nor i know any relatives much. i m not allowed to go anywhere , even to the local library.. my parents are like that... recently they gave me an old phone so i can receive their calls, i m fine with all that , i don't mind , its just that sometimes i feel like getting fresh air as my room feels full of negativity but then i get told off and long lecture from my parents because i have asked to go outside for a 5 min walk.
I wanted to speak to GP about my depression as it's making me a failure in life and i had read online that they are supposed to help you with it. So I somehow managed to make an appointment and told my mum about it. I went there and basically said everything without thinking, because i thought i was going to get help and worst comes worst , i can run out from the clinic and never come back again.
But that doctor , first thing he said was ''well what do you want me to do'' ? and then he started looking at his computer screen and then a nurse comes in without knocking and the doctor starts talking with her as if i'm not there. i got very upset and tried to be patience for few minutes , but then i walked out from there.
i said to my mum that doctor was pathetic , i didn't go in details . she said call the surgery again and ask to get appointment with another doctor .
so i did after few days.
this time it was a lady doctor. so i told her about my depression, she wrote me a blood test but everything turned out fine (i was told on the phone) including vitamin D (as i've read it's deficiency also causes depression).
I requested the receptionist to give me an appointment, she said she can't as my blood test is fine.
so i waited a month and a half and finally got an appointment. i told this doc everything too , and all he did was... gave me questionnaire with questions like do you feel suicidal? on a scale of...how would you rate your mood? etc... I said, don't you think all i've said answers this already very well? he said , well you have to do the quiz... so I said can I do it now, he said, no, take it home, fill it there, make another appointment and bring it to that appointment (although it was only circling , wudve taken a minute!! ).
and where I live it's next to impossible to get an appointment and you have to argue with receptionist so much.
i was fed up and gave up with the doctors.
I decided never to visit doctors around 6 months ago, but my situation isn't getting better.