The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II

Wow I am in amazement at you guys. Me and my boyfriend have been together a month now, but I'm from England and he's from America (where I am now). In a month or so I'll be moving back to England for my post graduate degree and we've started touching on the idea of going long distance or calling it quits. Neither of us is jumping at the chance to end it in the next few weeks but we've agreed not to make a decision until it's closer to me leaving.

I've always said I'd consider moving to America after my masters so in an ideal world that would mean we'd be in a LDR for one year... not long when you think about it but it's not making the decision much easier. I have so much respect for those in current LDRs, especially American-British ones, you give me a little hope

Hey guys
I've been long distance with my boyfriend for 6 weeks now. We met while travelling and decided to stay together.
He's back in mid October so we have around 2 and a half months to go, so not too long.

However I dont know how I feel about the relationship anymore. I feel insecure a lot and in need of constant reassurance, which I don't like feeling like. I feel upset when he wants to end a facetime conversation. I don't know why I feel like this as he messages me lovely things every day and facetimes whenever he can. I dunno... I don't know why I feel like this? Feel really reluctant to trust him, although this feeling has only come about in the last week or so. I dont know what's happened.

Also I am very close with my ex boyfriend from about 3 years ago, and my current boyfriend was extremely jealous about this and said its either your relationship with me or your friendship with your ex, you can't have both. This has put me in an awful position. I've said to my boyfriend that of course I choose him but I think I'm having second thoughts. Really didnt enjoy the emotional blackmail...

Anyway I'm just looking for general advice
I really think me and my boyfriend's relationship could be incredible when he gets home and I know he feels the same. And 2 months isnt even that long. Should I wait it out?

Sometimes I miss my boyfriend so much that I struggle to sleep at night, for badly wanting him here beside me right now . Argh, this LDR feels like torture sometimes

I feel stupid but I hate it when my boyfriend goes on a night out.
I feel really selfish but I hate the fact that when he's away from me he seems to have much more fun and goes out quite a lot. I get jealous of everyone he is with as they get to spend so much more time with him than me. I hate the fact he's with other girls and dancing near them, it makes me feel so insecure and silly. I hate how I spend all night worrying about him getting home safely when he's out having fun and probably isn't thinking about me at all.

Any advice on how I can stop feeling like this?
I thought an LDR would get easier with time but for me it really isn't :/

Not spoken to you in a few weeks! How are you and your boyfriend getting on? have you decided about if you're going to move to Edinburgh yet?

Hiya! Things with us are going quite nicely so far, thanks . We've managed to get into quite a nice routine of keeping up the communication well. I've already gone up to Edinburgh twice to see him, 3 weeks apart, and I'm hoping we can keep up the 3-4 week intervals of meeting each other. I'm hoping he can come down to London very soon as it's his turn to meet my home, but he's saving up to get the plane as he really doesn't want to ride on a coach for 9 hours like I've been doing, haha. The weekend after this one would be the 3 week mark again since we last met, and if he doesn't make it down to London that time then maybe I'll head off to Edinburgh again instead, which I don't mind tbh as I love that city, plus they'll have the Festival Fringe on by then .

Yeah, I'd very much love to move to Edinburgh at some point in the near future. At the moment, I just can't afford it though, as I literally have no money of my own to be paying rent yet, but I'm currently in the first month of my new job so I'll keep working it and see how much I can save over time. I've also applied to do an access course at an Edinburgh college, so if I get accepted for that, maybe my parents will help me pay for rent there since they'd be happy seeing me get back into education, hehe. But if not, I could move up just to work there and at least be paying my own rent. I've already joined a website for flatshares and it sounds like a pretty fun idea as well, moving out to be independent in a great new city, live with new people and hopefully make new friends, as well as being able to see my boyfriend more regularly and easily of course . Could be like a uni experience I never had

I really dunno what's happening with my life in the next few months tbh, I'll just have to wait and see how things go, hopefully for the best. Anyway, enough about me, how are things with your relationship?

Aww I'm so glad it's going well ! I wish we had a chance of breaking the distance in the near future :') you never know, in 2 months time you could be joining me in not so sunny Scotland

Things couldn't be better pretty much thanks :') I was worried when he started his new job placement that we'd rarely speak / see each other but I'm fine now not speaking to him 24/7 I'm spending 8 days with him from Saturday which should be fab every 3-4 weeks would be SO amazing! We'll be seeing each other a lot through August and September because of family parties, my birthday and other stuff, but after that we'll be back to every 7-8 weeks boo :')

In other news, his family are planning a holiday to Disneyland Paris next Easter and when he's here, we're going to ask my parents if I can go with them I'm highly doubtful but it'd be incredible if they agreed

Oh yeah, I forgot you're from Scotland too! Your people are rather awesome, with your interesting accents and dialect that's been entertaining for me to learn over the past few months. I still giggle over the way my boyfriend says the word "murder" .

Sounds like things are going good with you then; have fun with all your summer plans!

Oh, and anyone find it a bit of a pain trying to plan around meeting when it's not the girl's time of the month? My cycles are not the most regular, and I know sex isn't everything but since we don't meet up often anyway, then it'd be easier to be able to not have to worry about that as well!

I'm usually pretty regular but it happened to me once when I had a freak early one, it was a bit of a pain but we just did other stuff instead. Maybe you could look into softcups? They have a similar design to the contraceptive cap so you can still have sex whilst on your period when using one. I've used them in the past myself (not for sex though) and I couldn't feel it. That's your periods aren't bad and if you feel up for having sex whilst you're on of course.

Oh yeah, I've heard of softcups before. Thanks for the reminder, and I shall definitely look into them

It is a bit of a pain this Is why we have discussed going ahead and having sex anyway unless I'm not up for it. Guess it really is a personal choice, though.


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Getting increasingly worried about my ldr. Boyfriend saying things have changed and we don't feel as close. Has only been 6 weeks and have 2 months to go. He says he still loves me just as much but we won't be as tight if it carries on like this. We're a very tactile couple so it's really hard not having a physical connection. Things were perfect for the first 3 weeks but started on a downward spiral . He's backpacking in Asia and I'm in London. Finding things so difficult when he says this because I have 100% commitment but I feel like he's wavering help. Has anyone else been through this? Did you get through it? Is it just a rough patch?

Yeah, I actually once suggested having period sex, but he's the one who's totally not up for trying it . Which is a bit of a shame, but fair enough, preferences are preferences and I'm not gonna make him do anything he feels uncomfortable with. We just have to find ways to work around it.

Ya we had to have that talk bc when I arrive next month I would have just started period and tbh after pretty much 5 months apart I am sooooo ready for some intimacy.


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5 months apart? Well, good on you for sticking with it! I already struggle after a few weeks of being apart, so couldn't imagine what it's like to be away from my bf for 5 months. Although, that could have easily been happening right now if it wasn't for me deciding to end my backpacking trip early for various reasons.