The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II
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Original post by LoveMusic13
The thing is it's not me it's him. I will do all that cheesy stuff and constantly remind he how much he means to me but I just don't get it back in return. His excuse is that he is very busy so I always have to go see him instead of him coming to visit me.
It's been three weeks since I last saw him and I miss him so much! We were suppose to see each other tonight but something has come up so he cancelled
I'm trying to get into a routine and when I think we do something goes wrong and it messes up. I really want it to work and if he were here I really think it would but i'm not sure if it will with us being long distance
It's been three weeks since I last saw him and I miss him so much! We were suppose to see each other tonight but something has come up so he cancelled
I'm trying to get into a routine and when I think we do something goes wrong and it messes up. I really want it to work and if he were here I really think it would but i'm not sure if it will with us being long distanceAh, I see.
Have you told him how you feel? Like, really how you feel?
We went through a rough patch last year. Although we still saw each other as regularly, lines of communication pretty much broke down.
Thing is, he didn't realise it was happening and I did - but I didn't tell him how I felt. I let it build up and after a 2 or 3 months I just snapped. He was horrified I'd felt that way and we worked to rectify it - he never used to be particularly soppy and he certainly was forgetful, but knowing that he'd made me feel rubbish for a few months seemed to prompt him into doing something about it - and we've never been better.
I'd advise you tell him how you feel, but it's a conversation perhaps better left for face to face. One thing I've learnt is that it's all too easy to be misunderstood over the phone!
well i'm now no longer in a LDR :'( surprisingly enough he broke up with me :'(
Original post by LoveMusic13
well i'm now no longer in a LDR :'( surprisingly enough he broke up with me :'(
If you want tips on how to move on I'm an expert at that
But yeah it gets better
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Original post by Andy98
If you want tips on how to move on I'm an expert at that
But yeah it gets better
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But yeah it gets better
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We've broken up before so this time is a little easier but also this time is definitely final
any tips on how to move on is much appreciated!Original post by LoveMusic13
We've broken up before so this time is a little easier but also this time is definitely final any tips on how to move on is much appreciated!
any tips on how to move on is much appreciated!I'm afraid it's as simple as give yourself time, have fun without him, and let yourself feel. Also, it helps to cut contact with him till you've moved on.
Original post by Andy98
I'm afraid it's as simple as give yourself time, have fun without him, and let yourself feel. Also, it helps to cut contact with him till you've moved on.
We ended on better terms this time so eventually I think we could be friends. He ended it with me now so that we wouldn't get to the point where in the future we hated each other. Ive told him I wouldn't be in contact until I was ready to talk to him. I know it was the right thing to do but it still does hurt. My head has come to terms with it but my heart has some catching up to do.
Original post by LoveMusic13
We ended on better terms this time so eventually I think we could be friends. He ended it with me now so that we wouldn't get to the point where in the future we hated each other. Ive told him I wouldn't be in contact until I was ready to talk to him. I know it was the right thing to do but it still does hurt. My head has come to terms with it but my heart has some catching up to do.
Yeah, I know that feeling.
The way I knew I was over her was to listen Stronger Than I Was by Eminem everyday until the song no longer reduced me to a blubbering wreck.
Original post by LoveMusic13
We've broken up before so this time is a little easier but also this time is definitely final any tips on how to move on is much appreciated!
any tips on how to move on is much appreciated!I'm going to suggest picking up boxing. Even if you're doing it wrong, or if you have no idea how to do it, it can help vent out residual negative feelings :P
I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we've just finished the first year of a LDR. He went off to a uni about 6 hours away whilst I stayed at home to complete my A Levels (I'm now in Year 13 and he's in his second year of uni).
We only get to see each other every 6 weeks or so, either when I come up to visit or when he comes home for the holidays. My problem is that although I cough up £50+ for a train ticket to see him, he refuses to reciprocate, and won't visit me at home, because it's "expensive, time consuming and I have loads of uni work", in his words.
Is this fair? The exact same restraints apply to me yet I am more than happy to make the trek up to visit him. I'm not being unreasonable, I've just got back from a weekend with him, and I've asked him if he'll come home for a weekend in November, and he refused. So now I won't see him for upwards of 2 months.
And it's not as if he's strapped for cash, while I was up there he spent £120 on a Magic the Gathering deck. (Just an example)
I really don't want to push the issue with him but it definitely feels like I'm investing more effort into the relationship than he is. What should I do?
We only get to see each other every 6 weeks or so, either when I come up to visit or when he comes home for the holidays. My problem is that although I cough up £50+ for a train ticket to see him, he refuses to reciprocate, and won't visit me at home, because it's "expensive, time consuming and I have loads of uni work", in his words.
Is this fair? The exact same restraints apply to me yet I am more than happy to make the trek up to visit him. I'm not being unreasonable, I've just got back from a weekend with him, and I've asked him if he'll come home for a weekend in November, and he refused. So now I won't see him for upwards of 2 months.
And it's not as if he's strapped for cash, while I was up there he spent £120 on a Magic the Gathering deck. (Just an example)
I really don't want to push the issue with him but it definitely feels like I'm investing more effort into the relationship than he is. What should I do?
Original post by DianneRPope
I'm going to suggest picking up boxing. Even if you're doing it wrong, or if you have no idea how to do it, it can help vent out residual negative feelings :P
Yeah, I took up rap and that really helped. Not only did it help me vent, but I really enjoyed it - so now I'm chasing a career in it
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Original post by Anonymous
I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we've just finished the first year of a LDR. He went off to a uni about 6 hours away whilst I stayed at home to complete my A Levels (I'm now in Year 13 and he's in his second year of uni).
We only get to see each other every 6 weeks or so, either when I come up to visit or when he comes home for the holidays. My problem is that although I cough up £50+ for a train ticket to see him, he refuses to reciprocate, and won't visit me at home, because it's "expensive, time consuming and I have loads of uni work", in his words.
Is this fair? The exact same restraints apply to me yet I am more than happy to make the trek up to visit him. I'm not being unreasonable, I've just got back from a weekend with him, and I've asked him if he'll come home for a weekend in November, and he refused. So now I won't see him for upwards of 2 months.
And it's not as if he's strapped for cash, while I was up there he spent £120 on a Magic the Gathering deck. (Just an example)
I really don't want to push the issue with him but it definitely feels like I'm investing more effort into the relationship than he is. What should I do?
We only get to see each other every 6 weeks or so, either when I come up to visit or when he comes home for the holidays. My problem is that although I cough up £50+ for a train ticket to see him, he refuses to reciprocate, and won't visit me at home, because it's "expensive, time consuming and I have loads of uni work", in his words.
Is this fair? The exact same restraints apply to me yet I am more than happy to make the trek up to visit him. I'm not being unreasonable, I've just got back from a weekend with him, and I've asked him if he'll come home for a weekend in November, and he refused. So now I won't see him for upwards of 2 months.
And it's not as if he's strapped for cash, while I was up there he spent £120 on a Magic the Gathering deck. (Just an example)
I really don't want to push the issue with him but it definitely feels like I'm investing more effort into the relationship than he is. What should I do?
It's as simple as: tell him how you feel
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Original post by Anonymous
I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and we've just finished the first year of a LDR. He went off to a uni about 6 hours away whilst I stayed at home to complete my A Levels (I'm now in Year 13 and he's in his second year of uni).
We only get to see each other every 6 weeks or so, either when I come up to visit or when he comes home for the holidays. My problem is that although I cough up £50+ for a train ticket to see him, he refuses to reciprocate, and won't visit me at home, because it's "expensive, time consuming and I have loads of uni work", in his words.
Is this fair? The exact same restraints apply to me yet I am more than happy to make the trek up to visit him. I'm not being unreasonable, I've just got back from a weekend with him, and I've asked him if he'll come home for a weekend in November, and he refused. So now I won't see him for upwards of 2 months.
And it's not as if he's strapped for cash, while I was up there he spent £120 on a Magic the Gathering deck. (Just an example)
I really don't want to push the issue with him but it definitely feels like I'm investing more effort into the relationship than he is. What should I do?
We only get to see each other every 6 weeks or so, either when I come up to visit or when he comes home for the holidays. My problem is that although I cough up £50+ for a train ticket to see him, he refuses to reciprocate, and won't visit me at home, because it's "expensive, time consuming and I have loads of uni work", in his words.
Is this fair? The exact same restraints apply to me yet I am more than happy to make the trek up to visit him. I'm not being unreasonable, I've just got back from a weekend with him, and I've asked him if he'll come home for a weekend in November, and he refused. So now I won't see him for upwards of 2 months.
And it's not as if he's strapped for cash, while I was up there he spent £120 on a Magic the Gathering deck. (Just an example)
I really don't want to push the issue with him but it definitely feels like I'm investing more effort into the relationship than he is. What should I do?
Be honest with him, or he's going to think his behaviour is ok and this will carry on, and you'll start to resent him and it'll become a massive issue. If you mean enough to him, he should be more than willing to spend money on coming to see you every once in a while, rather than spending it on other things. Even if I was completely strapped for cash, I would still spend the money on going to see my boyfriend and I like to think he'd do the same (he says he would anyway). As for the "too much uni work" excuse, I'm in my fourth year of university and it's effectively like working full time in the lab whilst doing a part-time masters on top, and I still find time to see my boyfriend pretty much every weekend. He won't be working all of the time so he should still have some time to have a weekend off to see you - it's not like you're asking him to do it often either, just every few weeks!
I completely understand why you feel like you're putting more effort in than he is. You need to not offer him an ultimatum as such but definitely warn him that a relationship has two people in it and you're not totally happy with the situation as it is.
Original post by Anonymous
Be honest with him, or he's going to think his behaviour is ok and this will carry on, and you'll start to resent him and it'll become a massive issue. If you mean enough to him, he should be more than willing to spend money on coming to see you every once in a while, rather than spending it on other things. Even if I was completely strapped for cash, I would still spend the money on going to see my boyfriend and I like to think he'd do the same (he says he would anyway). As for the "too much uni work" excuse, I'm in my fourth year of university and it's effectively like working full time in the lab whilst doing a part-time masters on top, and I still find time to see my boyfriend pretty much every weekend. He won't be working all of the time so he should still have some time to have a weekend off to see you - it's not like you're asking him to do it often either, just every few weeks!
I completely understand why you feel like you're putting more effort in than he is. You need to not offer him an ultimatum as such but definitely warn him that a relationship has two people in it and you're not totally happy with the situation as it is.
I completely understand why you feel like you're putting more effort in than he is. You need to not offer him an ultimatum as such but definitely warn him that a relationship has two people in it and you're not totally happy with the situation as it is.
Certainly more than I put. But I agree with it all anyway.
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Hey All ,
Just wanting your opinions i met my Girlfriend whilst at uni.I live 4 hours by train apart we both work we see each other pretty much every 3 weeks or 4 weeks for two days. She keeps saying shes planning to move down but she never wants to talk about it and recently i feel like it me making all the effort like im constently messaging her and making the effort i seem to put her before everything
were i feel like im last on her list. I Admit i do have trust issue nearly in every relationship iv been messed about so i do find it hard to trust but sometimes if feel like it only me saying how i feel about her. iv tried to tell her how i feel and she says i am consetenlyy on at her about it she says she cant cope and then says maybe she will leave it? but never ends it. then also theres a few other issues as i said i find it hard to trust i dont have twiiter and instagram where as she has both private also all her facebook posts private, It makes me feel like shes up to no good and i know she prob not but it makes me question it i also wrote on her facebook i love you and she said why are you telling the whole world i just dont know what to do because i love her but i feel anything i do or say is wrong.
Sorry if there is bad pun and spelling ( i have mild dylexia i did try )
Just wanting your opinions i met my Girlfriend whilst at uni.I live 4 hours by train apart we both work we see each other pretty much every 3 weeks or 4 weeks for two days. She keeps saying shes planning to move down but she never wants to talk about it and recently i feel like it me making all the effort like im constently messaging her and making the effort i seem to put her before everything
were i feel like im last on her list. I Admit i do have trust issue nearly in every relationship iv been messed about so i do find it hard to trust but sometimes if feel like it only me saying how i feel about her. iv tried to tell her how i feel and she says i am consetenlyy on at her about it she says she cant cope and then says maybe she will leave it? but never ends it. then also theres a few other issues as i said i find it hard to trust i dont have twiiter and instagram where as she has both private also all her facebook posts private, It makes me feel like shes up to no good and i know she prob not but it makes me question it i also wrote on her facebook i love you and she said why are you telling the whole world i just dont know what to do because i love her but i feel anything i do or say is wrong. Sorry if there is bad pun and spelling ( i have mild dylexia i did try )
Hi all, was directed to this thread after I made a thread about a LDR the other month.
SO, looking for some advice!
Known this girl for 3 years (we met in another country where we lived and worked for a year - she was only there for 7 months actually) and we had a casual thing that didn't come to anything. However, we have stayed in touch and recently i've been going through a whole 'honesty' thing and admitted to her that I really liked her and wished we had given things a proper go. She reciprocated those feelings and we have been in touch every day since this all came out (a few weeks ago).
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a massive crush on someone that doesn't live in the same country as me! We have an 8 hour time difference!
She wants to move to the UK (but visa is pretty unlikely to be issued because she's outside the EEA)
I guess what I want t know is, what should I do? I'm really torn about whether I should commit to this or not. We have been very open and honest with each other and both agree that it will be hard, but we also are both willing to be patient. She's planning a trip here in July, and i'll hopefully get over there at some point this year as well.
Is this doomed/hopeless romantic/stupid? Has anyone had success in maintaining a cross-country LDR?
The one positive is that we both lead very busy lives with our respective university courses so we don't have loads of free time anyway.
Thank you in advance, I don't usually post in forums like this!
SO, looking for some advice!
Known this girl for 3 years (we met in another country where we lived and worked for a year - she was only there for 7 months actually) and we had a casual thing that didn't come to anything. However, we have stayed in touch and recently i've been going through a whole 'honesty' thing and admitted to her that I really liked her and wished we had given things a proper go. She reciprocated those feelings and we have been in touch every day since this all came out (a few weeks ago).
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a massive crush on someone that doesn't live in the same country as me! We have an 8 hour time difference!
She wants to move to the UK (but visa is pretty unlikely to be issued because she's outside the EEA)
I guess what I want t know is, what should I do? I'm really torn about whether I should commit to this or not. We have been very open and honest with each other and both agree that it will be hard, but we also are both willing to be patient. She's planning a trip here in July, and i'll hopefully get over there at some point this year as well.
Is this doomed/hopeless romantic/stupid? Has anyone had success in maintaining a cross-country LDR?
The one positive is that we both lead very busy lives with our respective university courses so we don't have loads of free time anyway.
Thank you in advance, I don't usually post in forums like this!
Woo! I'm in an ldr again!
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Original post by Andy98
with who?
Original post by cupcakes87
with who?
Hmmmm....You can probably guess..
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all, was directed to this thread after I made a thread about a LDR the other month.
SO, looking for some advice!
Known this girl for 3 years (we met in another country where we lived and worked for a year - she was only there for 7 months actually) and we had a casual thing that didn't come to anything. However, we have stayed in touch and recently i've been going through a whole 'honesty' thing and admitted to her that I really liked her and wished we had given things a proper go. She reciprocated those feelings and we have been in touch every day since this all came out (a few weeks ago).
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a massive crush on someone that doesn't live in the same country as me! We have an 8 hour time difference!
She wants to move to the UK (but visa is pretty unlikely to be issued because she's outside the EEA)
I guess what I want t know is, what should I do? I'm really torn about whether I should commit to this or not. We have been very open and honest with each other and both agree that it will be hard, but we also are both willing to be patient. She's planning a trip here in July, and i'll hopefully get over there at some point this year as well.
Is this doomed/hopeless romantic/stupid? Has anyone had success in maintaining a cross-country LDR?
The one positive is that we both lead very busy lives with our respective university courses so we don't have loads of free time anyway.
Thank you in advance, I don't usually post in forums like this!
SO, looking for some advice!
Known this girl for 3 years (we met in another country where we lived and worked for a year - she was only there for 7 months actually) and we had a casual thing that didn't come to anything. However, we have stayed in touch and recently i've been going through a whole 'honesty' thing and admitted to her that I really liked her and wished we had given things a proper go. She reciprocated those feelings and we have been in touch every day since this all came out (a few weeks ago).
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a massive crush on someone that doesn't live in the same country as me! We have an 8 hour time difference!
She wants to move to the UK (but visa is pretty unlikely to be issued because she's outside the EEA)
I guess what I want t know is, what should I do? I'm really torn about whether I should commit to this or not. We have been very open and honest with each other and both agree that it will be hard, but we also are both willing to be patient. She's planning a trip here in July, and i'll hopefully get over there at some point this year as well.
Is this doomed/hopeless romantic/stupid? Has anyone had success in maintaining a cross-country LDR?
The one positive is that we both lead very busy lives with our respective university courses so we don't have loads of free time anyway.
Thank you in advance, I don't usually post in forums like this!
You've got nothing to lose by giving it a try. It'll be hard but if you feel that you really like her and it's worth it, then go for it. I haven't had experience of a cross-country LDR myself but I know that others on this thread have. I'd recommend lots of communication and a plan about how often you can visit each other and then just see if it works or not. Good luck
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all, was directed to this thread after I made a thread about a LDR the other month.
SO, looking for some advice!
Known this girl for 3 years (we met in another country where we lived and worked for a year - she was only there for 7 months actually) and we had a casual thing that didn't come to anything. However, we have stayed in touch and recently i've been going through a whole 'honesty' thing and admitted to her that I really liked her and wished we had given things a proper go. She reciprocated those feelings and we have been in touch every day since this all came out (a few weeks ago).
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a massive crush on someone that doesn't live in the same country as me! We have an 8 hour time difference!
She wants to move to the UK (but visa is pretty unlikely to be issued because she's outside the EEA)
I guess what I want t know is, what should I do? I'm really torn about whether I should commit to this or not. We have been very open and honest with each other and both agree that it will be hard, but we also are both willing to be patient. She's planning a trip here in July, and i'll hopefully get over there at some point this year as well.
Is this doomed/hopeless romantic/stupid? Has anyone had success in maintaining a cross-country LDR?
The one positive is that we both lead very busy lives with our respective university courses so we don't have loads of free time anyway.
Thank you in advance, I don't usually post in forums like this!
SO, looking for some advice!
Known this girl for 3 years (we met in another country where we lived and worked for a year - she was only there for 7 months actually) and we had a casual thing that didn't come to anything. However, we have stayed in touch and recently i've been going through a whole 'honesty' thing and admitted to her that I really liked her and wished we had given things a proper go. She reciprocated those feelings and we have been in touch every day since this all came out (a few weeks ago).
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have a massive crush on someone that doesn't live in the same country as me! We have an 8 hour time difference!
She wants to move to the UK (but visa is pretty unlikely to be issued because she's outside the EEA)
I guess what I want t know is, what should I do? I'm really torn about whether I should commit to this or not. We have been very open and honest with each other and both agree that it will be hard, but we also are both willing to be patient. She's planning a trip here in July, and i'll hopefully get over there at some point this year as well.
Is this doomed/hopeless romantic/stupid? Has anyone had success in maintaining a cross-country LDR?
The one positive is that we both lead very busy lives with our respective university courses so we don't have loads of free time anyway.
Thank you in advance, I don't usually post in forums like this!
May as well give it a shot
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