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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre Mark II

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Original post by Pinkberry_y
Okay! So have you decided between the two of you, where you will live together and if so how did you come to your agreement?


We just spoke about things and she said she doesn't want to leave her family etc. I said I wouldn't mind moving over there so long as we visit my family or host my family as often as we can :smile:
well I'm back after four years (new relationship)

I've started dating my best friend - we got together two and half months ago after four years of friendship (last year especially close after both our respective relationships went down the crapper)

Things have gone great so far, absolutely dotty over her. she really is wonderful. We connected well before this as friends and moving to relationship has only made it better

The problem hence why im back here is that once again i find myself in an LTR. shes 70 miles away but shes starting her master as a mature student so time spent together is going to be reduced significantlly as she will be dividng her time, mainly in uni but also her family and friends back home and myself. I will admit to a certain amount of envy as shes going to have some fantastic new experiences whereas I'm very much same ole same ole - not a lot happens in my small town.

I remember the last LTR and how much i hated the distance adn the missing and the blurgh.

So yeah - I'm back. Sigh
Well my boyfriend went to uni yesterday and I'm finding it hard. I want to talk to him but at the same time I don't want to be an inconvenience or stop him from doing things he wants to. I think that it's going to be a question of finding that balance.

Last night was hard because he stayed up really late meeting people etc and I was too tired so I went to sleep. We spoke for a bit which cheered me up but he was somewhat preoccupied, naturally. It's hard to be understanding. I think being so worried about the distance and not seeing him is making me forget how nice he actually is and that he isn't going anywhere. Urgh basically just so many feels :s-smilie:
Original post by Steliata
Well my boyfriend went to uni yesterday and I'm finding it hard. I want to talk to him but at the same time I don't want to be an inconvenience or stop him from doing things he wants to. I think that it's going to be a question of finding that balance.

Last night was hard because he stayed up really late meeting people etc and I was too tired so I went to sleep. We spoke for a bit which cheered me up but he was somewhat preoccupied, naturally. It's hard to be understanding. I think being so worried about the distance and not seeing him is making me forget how nice he actually is and that he isn't going anywhere. Urgh basically just so many feels :s-smilie:


Yeah i know those feels. My partner was the same, making new friends, joining the soc's, having a great time. Then there is me, sat at home in a small town with very little to do (except what i always do) and doing the same ole ole.

Then the over thinking starts.........................

Shes actually one of these people who likes to chat to me all the time (which is grand on my part as i like talking to her) so she messages when she can but its unfair on my part to expect constant communication. Especially when shes enjoying herself and its not her fault I'm in the position I'm oin.
Original post by Steliata
Well I suppose I'd better join this thread now!

My boyfriend of 5 months has just met his offer and is off to Bristol uni. I'm so proud of him, of course, but I'm not sure what to think about him going away to uni (I'm going into year 13 in Chester so we'll be long distance from September). Neither of us really know what to do, how to plan for it, what it will be like when he goes away. The distance isn't that far but I have a feeling that both of us will be pretty busy at weekends, as we both row and have training/competitions at the weekend. Has anybody got any advice? Thanks if you do :smile:


My BF of 11 months is at Bristol too and absolutely loving it from what I hear :smile:. I'm so happy for him but the lack of contact this freshers has been tough, especially since we saw each other every day in summer and talked non-stop before. It's all about trust and love for me. I feel grateful he isn't 5/6/7... Hours away as some people are. Skype is the best and planning visits gives you something to look forward to rather than the feeling of missing him consuming you. Stay positive, him wanting to continue a relationship into uni is a big sign of commitment xxx
How weird is it I'm also at Bristol Uni? Lol! Small world, guys!
Me and my boyfriend (still dating really but I can see it evolving to that, we're pretty much besotted with one another).

It's weird, really. I never thought I'd be able to do it, but I'm seeing him hopefully this weekend then he's staying here for a few days next week. The way I'm thinking about it, is in the sense of breaking things down into weeks.
I will admit it's a little difficult, but there's a fairly cheap way for me to go see him which is fine. I don't mind making the journey, as soon as you start doubting the journey or questioning if you can be bothered to, that's the time to start questioning things. Thankfully he's only a 2 and a half hours bus journey away, then a half an hour train, but I'm used to things like that (and I'd be doing that sort of journey to go home regardless which works out ok)

Some tips I've found to work (or work for me)

1. Keep yourself busy. The more you think about them in a LDR the worse you're going to feel.
2. Trust them.
3. Keep in communication with them - even if it's just a good morning or a good night, it's still better than nothing.
4. Try and make regular slots to visit (if possible)
5. Make friends. Friends will take time off of things, and being at uni you'll be busy anyway with studying etc, but being around some friends you'll find time goes quicker and you'll enjoy things more, and you'll be enjoying the wait to see them.
6. A little gift or letter to their address never hurt anybody :wink:

Something else to think by is there's a bunch of holidays you can spend with them. Christmas, New Years, Easter, then all of Summer.. maybe it's because I'm older I've realised that because we get on so well (with an instant connection) with lots in common, I'm happy to wait - people do say Uni is the place to find yourself and have fun, but you can have fun without messing around with a bunch of people. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the mug.

If you want to be with them you'll make ends meet. In otherwords this is probably the best thing I've done. I'm longing to spend some time with him again without growing tired of him.

/penny for your thoughts
Hi everyone,

I wondered if there are any little issues people think could be annoying or hated happening in their own long distance relationship that could be avoided?

Sorry if this is a bit short.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone,

I wondered if there are any little issues people think could be annoying or hated happening in their own long distance relationship that could be avoided?

Sorry if this is a bit short.


Such as? Every relationship is different, some couples are more hands on, other more hands off. Some things annoy one person but not the next etc etc. The main thing we all hate on here is distance.

You need to be a bit more specific i think.
I'm currently dating someone but it's not official yet. We were best friends and then we made the transition to more than friend over summer. Summer was amazing but now he's at a uni around 3 hours from me or 2 hours from our home town. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to do long distance or not but we decided to at least try it. I'm more than happy to make the trip to see him, when we're together it's amazing. I just got back from visiting him today though and it's so hard not knowing when I can see him again, and knowing it will be at least a few weeks, any tips on how to cope with this!
So i suppose this'll be the same to all the other posts! Going ahead anyway because i literally have no one to talk to without talking to my other half but dont want to put the pressure on you know? Im not really sure what to do, it's the usual scenario she's gone to uni and im stuck at home and everything has gone grey without her etc. But i'm feel really really down, like im a busy person and im still pushing myself to do things but i'm struggling pretty bad. Had depression a while a go and almost felt as bad again last week. Only been 2 weeks and i've already seen her once. Seeing her again in a week and we've even got a months holiday planned at the end of the year, but i still cant look forward to it im just stuck in the present i suppose. Im not usually like that? So it's a surprise i suppose. I was 100% unprepared for how hard it'd be and the pain is real. Im in a different country for the weekend to try and cheer myself up but im proper struggling and i just dont know how to ease the pain? Is this normal? Maybe someone could pm me or i dunno if thats what happens here haha. We message and skype loads btw. I really really appreciate any help. Im just stuck you know? Thank you again!! :smile:
Been in my ldr for about six months now. Currently visiting him right now. I think I'm gonna have to end it. Too many things are building up. I suppose idk if it's better to end it whilst I'm here face to face or wait until I'm home.*
My then gf broke up with me because of this distance... she is in her final year and wants to return back into her home country, even after all the promises we made... she said her feelings have changed because of this blurry future... i wanted to fight for this relationship, but she just wants to push me away...
Original post by Airfairy
Been in my ldr for about six months now. Currently visiting him right now. I think I'm gonna have to end it. Too many things are building up. I suppose idk if it's better to end it whilst I'm here face to face or wait until I'm home.*


Have the guts to tell him to his face

Original post by LolzWhatIsThis
My then gf broke up with me because of this distance... she is in her final year and wants to return back into her home country, even after all the promises we made... she said her feelings have changed because of this blurry future... i wanted to fight for this relationship, but she just wants to push me away...


That sucks man, im so sorry
Original post by silverbolt

That sucks man, im so sorry


yeah... i hope not many people will have to go through what I am going through. it hurts, a lot. I've had people who would lend me an ear and help me, even my parents... so make sure you have people who can support you if you ever end up in a similar situation

it might not be healthy but... i still wish one day she'll change her mind
I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years; he lived halfway around the world, and we had only met once, but we kept it going via communication online, which was how we met in the first place.

In some ways, long distance can be amazing. You get the thrill of being able to visit such exotic places just to see the love of your life. You get the anticipation as the days get closer and closer till the next time you can see them. And when the day finally comes, you get to appreciate spending every moment that you do with them, because neither of you know when the next time will be. It's a great feeling knowing that someone miles away would be counting down the days to see you, and wish that you were there in their arms. You will wake up every morning feeling more motivated than ever, and you will never get tired of hearing their voice, because that will be the sound of heaven to you.

However, there have been some down sides. Sometimes it can become a bit obsessive; I can honestly say that not a day had passed where I thought to myself

'Oh I wish he was here with me right now' 'Why can't he live any closer?' 'I'm so jealous of everyone who gets to see him everyday'

And even after we finally got to spend some quality time together, I would feel even more depressed after every phone call, FaceTime that followed.

'I wish I was with him again' 'I don't think I'll ever feel that happy again' 'So now we've met, when will the next time be? Would I have to wait another 3 years?'

Just the thought of not knowing where it is going to end up, and all the uncertainty, can bring you down so much.

Every love song you hear will remind you of him/her, and you will mentally cry whenever you hear his/her name, or see a picture of you two together, because you will remember that day that you spent with them and you would feel down, as the build up to that day has all gone and passed. You will feel pain whenever you see him/her in photos with people that they could possibly be flirting with, because you would never know what goes on when you aren't there with them. You begin to get paranoid. Is he/she cheating? Does he/she still love me as much as they did before? There's so much that you don't get to see about this person. You don't know their weird habits, how they carry themselves in public, what they like doing in the spare of the moment. So many things you thought you knew about them, but in fact, its as if you don't know this person at all.

Sure, long distance relationships are a great experience while they last, but I wouldn't do it again. My heart was broken when I found out that he was dating someone else. And the worst part was that I found out through his new girlfriend, as he kept denying it. Now I have realised that there are actually more fish in the sea. I don't wake up every morning wishing I was somewhere else, because I've grown to be happy with my current life and situation. I don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call.

Maybe long distance is for some people, and I do believe that it can work. I guess I was just unlucky enough to have ended up falling in love with such an a**hole.
My friend and his gf broke up recently. They were together for around 5 months (LDR) and she didn't want to be in a relationship with him or anyone else as she felt like she was betraying her parents trust. She still wants to be friends with him, seeing as they've known each other for 3years, but my friend doesn't know what to do. He loves her and whats to be with her but at the same time he's proper hurt and feels as if he's been messed around with. I honestly want to help him but i'm also confused. Can anyone help me? :frown:
Hello friends!!
My boyfriend and I have been in a happy LDR for almost 11 months now, so I thought I'd post some tips and advice on how to best figure out if it's right for you and how to keep things going!
First, our story.We started talking online through a mutual friend a few years ago, and became friends quickly. After that we spoke relatively often, lots of friendly banter etc.
Then around a year and a half ago he traveled to where I live to see said mutual friend and we met up and it was all great and friendly and it was awesome to meet him in person for the first time after having been online mates for so long!
He broke up with his then girlfriend and him and I started speaking every day - of course I had to be there for him and help him get through it! :wink:
I traveled to see him a few months later and we decided to start a LDR as we both felt mature enough and knew a LD friendship worked between us already.
He is in the year above me, so went to uni last month. I've since been up to see him and he's seeing me in a week, and it's all going fabulously (I hope!).

So, how have we kept this going?
Well first things first, the most important piece of advice I can give is COMMUNICATE!
If you have an issue with something the other person is doing, it's especially important to discuss this with them in a LDR as these issues are harder to see past when you don't see each other a lot or mostly communicate over text. It might turn out that the issue you've been having is solely down to misunderstood texts or messages!
Furthermore, it's important you set aside time to speak to each other properly - whether it be phone calls, skype, or travelling to see each other. As I said, it's difficult to convey how you feel over text constantly so you need to have a space set aside for talking about more important matters, and to just check up on each other and hear the other person's voice.
When you want to tell each other you miss or love each other, DO IT! When you can see each other every day, it's easier to show affection and display how much you love your S/O, but when it's long distance, you need to adapt to new ways of showing this using your words or other gestures. Make sure they feel loved and wanted, it's easy to feel alone in a LDR and I'm sure you don't want your S/O to feel that way.
Finally, TRUST IS SO IMPORTANT! If you don't trust your S/O, how can you expect to be in any kind of relationship with them, let alone long distance? I would say don't start an LDR unless you feel you can trust them and know them leading up to that (basically - be friends first and see how they deal with keeping that up!). My boyfriend and I had it slightly easier as I already knew I trusted him in an LDR before he went to uni, but if it's a transition for you just remember that if you trusted them before and they gave you good reason to trust them, there should be no reason for anything to be different when they/you move away. And if you don't feel comfortable with that... clearly there's a deeper issue there.
Hope all of this was helpful, if anyone has any other questions feel free to let me know! :smile:
Hey guys I have a problem.. I'm a full time student and my LDR wants to come out, but I literally have no time. He wants to come out in March when my main essays are due in. He'll be sitting alone most of the day and I really don't like the thought of that. He says it's OK because he'll be with me but I'll be in the library half the time. He got really annoyed when I said it wasn't a good idea, he's going to Law school next year and keeps saying he'll be able to make time so why can't I? But he's never been in a really intense environment and I don't feel like he appreciates how hard I have to work (plus I have to be alone when I study.)...

What should I do/say to him? It's really annoying this comes up all the time. He acts a bit condescending because apparently I don't know how to make time for him, but all I will be able to spare is about an hour a night and I'll be dead by the end of the day!
Original post by Anonymous
Hey guys I have a problem.. I'm a full time student and my LDR wants to come out, but I literally have no time. He wants to come out in March when my main essays are due in. He'll be sitting alone most of the day and I really don't like the thought of that. He says it's OK because he'll be with me but I'll be in the library half the time. He got really annoyed when I said it wasn't a good idea, he's going to Law school next year and keeps saying he'll be able to make time so why can't I? But he's never been in a really intense environment and I don't feel like he appreciates how hard I have to work (plus I have to be alone when I study.)...

What should I do/say to him? It's really annoying this comes up all the time. He acts a bit condescending because apparently I don't know how to make time for him, but all I will be able to spare is about an hour a night and I'll be dead by the end of the day!


Honestly you really do need to make time in order to keep a healthy relationship going. If you feel you can't then maybe you aren't in the right place to be in the relationship at all. Sounds harsh but you're at risk of hurting one or both of you.
Probably completely the wrong place to ask, but anyway.Two years ago, me and my girlfriend met whilst on holiday (she lives in the USA). Just recently, it's got very serious and we've both said we want to live together. I will be visiting her again in the summer before I start an engineering degree. My question is: once I've finished my degree and scraped together about £10k, we plan on moving in together over there. Is £10k enough? Do I need a job to be allowed in?Any advice greatly appreciated.

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