Telling parents I'm gay

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On a bit of a tangent here, but for a few years, almost every time I've been in a room on my own with one or both of my parents, I've had this nigh-on-uncontrollable urge to come out with "Mum/Dad, I'm gay". I spoke to my boyfriend about it recently and he had the same thing...so I was wondering if anyone else got this? I'm pretty much over it now, but I do have to fight back those words from time to time.

Possible causes is that my boyfriend's parents suspected he was gay for a long time, and my own parents, I imagine, must have considered the same for me. Well, if they could entertain the thought...they are pretty conservative - although they'd deny that too - and just like to ignore the idea that there could be gay people outside of the media stereotypes. But I'll skip lightly over that for now.

Reply 21

pRinC3sS

Hmm i guess its a hard situation to tackle, but u dont really have any choice other than telling them.. if i were u, i would just be honest, and tell them in one go, rather than dragging it on and on! believe me u will feel so much better after. Even though its not as easy as i would imagine..

LET THE WORSE HAPPEN
make sure its a normal day, with nothing on your parents minds..
just tell them u have something to say, and get their attention..once u have done so, tell them the truth i spouse. unless u wanna keep it a secret forever =) which is not very likely to happen..
just do it as soon as possible and get it out of the way!
Wish u gud luk, giv us updates afta u have admited the truth to them!

Reply 22

Krysia

sssh

My parents are pretty much convinced that I'm a lesbian (my mother, bless her, equates not owning any high-heeled shoes with lesbianism), so I'm planning to march into the living room, plant myself with hands on my hips and legs apart in front of the tv when the Ten O'Clock News is on, clear my throat loudly, and announce: 'Mum, Dad, I have something I want to tell you...I'm Straight!'

Nah, seriously, back to the OP: I think that what other people have said about introducing them gradually to you being gay is the best idea; maybe go speak to your mum first, or at least do the individually (starting with the one who you think will tak it best)? It just seems sad that even today, there's still this huge anxiety over 'coming out'; in an ideal world, it wouldn't be such a huge thing, as you're still the same person as you have always been, and love should be unconditional, and not shaken by something like this. Hope your parents take it well, and the very best of luck!

Reply 23

34253

Krysia

No high heels? You're definately a dyke!

Reply 24

Elements

Elipsis

No high heels? You're definately a dyke!

What? I don't understand. :redface:

Reply 25

Evil-Tuna

I expected more jokes on this thread. I really did.

I was going to make some dinner table jokes, but it's inappropiate now. :frown:

Reply 26

Krysia

I'm not 'a dyke'. I'm just clumsy and scruffy. :biggrin:

I have a feeling that this thread is hurtling rapidly towards the realms of the silly, and that I may be at least partially to blame. Again.

Reply 27

Zoecb

Next time she asks you if you have a girlfriend, you could say, "Would it help if I had a boyfriend?"

Reply 28

wojewodztwo_pl

what nationality are you? depending on this answer you will live or die. otherwise, think about it this way, its going to be a bombshell. so basically anything you prepare to make things a little easier on your parents will be destroyed anyway by this 'bombshell'. but i think in this case the longer you leave it the better, maybe wait until you have a stable job or youve moved out. because if they decide to kick you out where are you going to go?

buona fortuna

Reply 29

Vampyrcorn

sssh

yeeeeeeeeeeessssss. I am exactly the same!! I think it's just because my mum's so funny about that type of thing. Like she thinks she's liberal, but she's not really and it makes me laugh and want to test her and prove to her she's not really so liberal at all. I won't though because it's mean to have a joke at my mother's expense. :p:

Reply 30

hugatree

Cuddles

I expected more jokes on this thread. I really did.

I was going to make some dinner table jokes, but it's inappropiate now. :frown:

Grow up, Cuddles. :smile:

There have been hundreds of gay threads already.

Krysia: not wearing high heels does NOT make you a dyke. Ignore that comment.

Reply 31

Jums

Zoecb

Next time she asks you if you have a girlfriend, you could say, "Would it help if I had a boyfriend?"

'Breaking it gently' :biggrin:

Reply 32

picknmixmuncher

Next time your mum asks you about having a girlfriend just say 'I don't really like girls....' and give her a knowing look - I'm sure she will get the drift. You could then discuss it further if it feels right or leave it there so that she can go and digest it before speaking about it properly with you. I think your mum might be prompting you to open up by mentioning your lack of love life.

If I had a son I would probably raise him imagining him finding a lovely girl and getting married and having children who would then be my grandchildren. If I was to suddenly to find out he was gay I would realise that all this stuff I had imagined for him in life would not be happening. I would be a bit taken aback and would really need some time to think about it and come to terms with the news that these things wouldn't be happeing for my son. I would completely accept my son and hope that he would find a man and be equally as happy - but it would take me a bit of time to accept these new ideas. Also I would be worried about the kind of problems being gay might pose for my son - such how the rest of the family will feel and treat him. I'd also worry about people being prejudice against him or giving him a hard time. Your mum will probably be the same so there's a lot for her to deal with too.

My advice would be to take it easy and try to keep calm and mature about everything. Also try be prepared for the worst - it's never going to get that bad but at least you'll be ready for anything that does happen.

Good luck. keep us informed xx

Reply 33

Zoecb

Jums

'Breaking it gently' :biggrin:

Exactly. Could be taken as a joke. Could be a good way to gauge reaction.

Reply 34

Anonymous #5

Do you think it's important to tell parents you're bi? Even if you intend to marry and have kids at some point?

Reply 35

*titanium*

Even if you like guys, surely you must still be attracted to girls aswell, why not like, just try and be bi kinda thing. Go get a girlfreind.

Reply 36

Anonymous #1

^^ Are you actually joking?

Reply 37

Zoecb

That is actually one of the most stupid things anyone on TSR has ever said. And there have been some stonkers. ^

Reply 38

Anonymous #6

do you have to be gay?
cant you be bi?
how do u know ur gay? Maybe u just look up to certain guys and think they are just amazing?

Reply 39

ben!

Anonymous

do you have to be gay?
cant you be bi?
how do u know ur gay? Maybe u just look up to certain guys and think they are just amazing?

Perhaps this should win the award for most ignorant post.

Some people are straight.
Some people are gay.
Some are Bi.

The OP said he was gay and wanted to tell his mum that, why on earth would you suggest telling them something that's not true. Lies just cause more hurt!

I left out transgender in the list - didnt feel it was relevant really :cool: