Has bullying ruined your life or made you stronger?

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3 years later and it's completely broken me. I thought i would be over by now but nope...
It's messed up my life. My bully got into my head so i became my own bully too. Self esteem and confidence vanished. Social anxiety. I hate talking to people because i feel like i'm worthless and i'm wasting their time.

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Original post by sunfowers01

I'm exactly the same

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So sorry to hear that. I have been bullied all my life and still get bullied here and there. What that has done is made me a little introvert and speaking problem. I usually get nervous when I speak and hence speak very fast and unclear just so I can get over talking asap. I am still working on it and its a lot better now than it was 2 years ago. Hopefully in time you guys will be able to overcome it. Else I hope you find your like minded community to support each other overcome the issues.

Reply 61

WildThornberry

When I was younger, I literally didn't care what people thought and had a lot of close friends.

Moved to a new place that was so judgemental and was bullied for like half a year, then it was kind of on and off with the group of pikies at our school.

After that it got better but I don't think I'm the same person at all. I'm much less trusting, and less nice to some extent. So I'd say it didn't ruin my life, but I have anxiety problems now so...

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Reply 62

Gorwell

I was bullied physically and mentally during most of my primary school years, teachers are pretty useless when it comes to bullying and honestly i've seen it so many times- people would say nasty things to me in front of teachers and they wouldn't bat an eye. I don't know what happened but after years of abuse from my bully I broke down, I was so close to hurting someone who had made me go 'crazy' and made my life a living hell... but I couldn't do it. The 'bully' went and told my teacher a load of crap about how I hit him (which I obviously didn't) I was nearly kicked out of school for something I hadn't done- I think I was at my lowest then. After primary, people were still the same through some of secondary, I have a decent group of friends now, who care, but the memories of years of misery are yet to fade.

Reply 63

Sarah04H

Original post by zaback21

Thank you, and i'm sorry to hear that too, but i'm glad you're getting better :smile:

It's easy to hear but hard to understand that it's the bullies who have the problems, not the bullied.

(You don't have to read this, i just need to let it out)

I don't think i'll be able to get over it for a while. The messed up thing was that i had a crush on my bully before he 'noticed' me, and it felt so intense that no matter what he did or said i would forgive him every time. Even looking back now, i think of all the good things about him (there are none, but somehow i create them) and i actually miss him. It takes ages before i remember how depressed and suicidal i felt, and then i relive memories i didn't know i had, i buried them away and remembering them makes me feel small and worthless again.
In school i was bullied during the day and i would dream of being bullied at night, so i couldn't escape it. It's been years and i still dream of him. I really thought it would be over by now. They're so frequent too.
Other people picked on me too but i barely remember that. I think it's just because it was him. Because i had a crush on him everything he said i took to heart, and i'm still not over him for some reason, so i think that's why i still believe it.
I thought everything would change once i escaped to university but i still had social anxiety and my confidence was completely gone. I messed the first year up so i'm hoping desperately that my second year will be better. I can't let him win :/

Reply 64

AristoBrat!

Ruined and improved both, ironically.

Ruined because I have trust issues; I can't look at a taller, stronger person with a bat in their hand without mildly freaking out before gaining my composure.

Improved because I don't take no **** from anyone that's not family or close friends. I also have zero tolerance for unfairness or any kind of discrimination.

Reply 65

zaback21

Original post by Sarah04H

Thank you, and i'm sorry to hear that too, but i'm glad you're getting better :smile:

After reading the above post, I feel I don't even have a bully problem ( or its minuscule compared to yours). I fortunately had support of my family which helped me. My parents would be more upset if I get in fight with a bully.

I am sorry if I come as rude or anything, unless you haven't seen a psychiatrist yet, you should see one immediately as I don't think your issue will go anytime soon without a professional psychiatrist. What I see is you suffering from a version of Stockholm Syndrome or trauma bonding.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/03/15/when-you-love-your-abuser-stockholm-syndrome-and-trauma-bonds/

Its for your own good if you want to do better in 2nd year and your whole upcoming life.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 66

Sarah04H

Original post by zaback21

Thanks. I don't think i have that though. I was aware that he was horrible and i did really hate him for what he did to me. I didn't like him because he bullied me, i liked him before that, the crush just didn't go away. There's no way i could forgive him for what he did, i hate him for messing up my life. It's complicated, but i don't think it's Stockholm Syndrome.

And i am. There are free counselling sessions in uni so i'm going to sign up next year and spill my heart out :smile:

Reply 67

Anonymous #7

Yes and no. Yes in the sense that I have gotten further than they have, so it's long awaited karma tbh

Yes in the sense that perhaps because of it, I've tried simply to be nice to who I can, and I think I'm most complimented for being "genuinely nice" :colondollar:

No in the sense that up until relatively recently, I didn't really consider myself particularly attractive (I'm a guy btw) so it dented my confidence there. Interestingly, I'm pretty confident otherwise though... I guess that's cos I've never had a gf?

And it's easy as hell for me to talk to someone I don't have an interest in, but if it's someone I like (and they don't like me), then I get terribly nervous. Come to think of it, I think there were probably two people who "liked" me in college, but I never did any thing

Yes in the sense that I'm able to handle other more complex stuff a lot better as well, even if I do feel guilty atm....

Reply 68

anonymouspie227

I wouldn't say ruined my life, but it sure has messed me up a bit in the head.
Likewise, as a result I can't trust people, I am fairly paranoid irl, I hesitate and I'm very self conscious when doing things. I also have the typical low self esteem etc. That being said, I also tend to be nicer to people and very friendly because I like things happy and nice etc.

Reply 69

Solemn Rain

Made me stronger mentally.

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Reply 70

sunfowers01

Original post by kidomo

Made me stronger mentally.

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In what way? In the sense that the things people say don't bother you?

Reply 71

Reynolds's#

Hardened my heart quite a bit and from Y4 to Y13, I was pretty much a loner. I can still make friends and talk to people, but there's always that voice in my head that says 'Be ready to disengage at all times'.

Other than that, made stronger because I got through it and also since the people who bullied me have stopped.

Reply 72

graham2109

It has destroyed me totally.

I spent most of my 20's isolated and no friends as I had zero confidence.

I had my first relationship at 35 which ended soon. I became very codependant on my ex and was impossible to let go. I am now 45 and still cant have healthy relationships.

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder 3 years ago which I blame the bullying for.

I justvwish they had killed me at schoo. My life has been misery throughout

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 73

Binary Freak

For me, I was constantly bullied from years 7-11, this bullying lead to me completely losing confidence in my abilities and thus lead to me flopping some of the exams which I shouldn't have. I do also have the tenancy to isolate myself, I feel better when I'm isolated.

I'd rather not discuss the bullying I received further since I'd rather forget it. :smile:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 74

graham2109

Been bullied at work too

Reply 75

Rum Ham

I was lucky to not be bullied too much through school. All I got was some name calling mainly. The worst came from my 'friends' ironically. Its not affected my life anyway shape or form since leaving school.

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Reply 76

Lottie006

Original post by Callofdutymw3

For me it's ruined my life, I've never been able to recover from 7 years of incessant bullying even though I'm 24 now

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Ruined! I feel as though I am now always worried, scared, paranoid and anxious. I'm also very jumpy. I always feel as though people are talking about me and I am always paranoid due to this.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 77

cathyhelen

The bullying from school has not ruined my life but it has taken years of Adult education to regain my confidence and self-esteem. I have now reached the point that I will not let immature people get the better of me. It takes time to develop enough grit and determination to do this.

I realised that I had reached that point when someone kicked a cloud full of gravel and a coke can behind my back. However, I still came back to the college the next day. Then little darlings threw fruit juice over my car. I just took one look at my car and then I wiped the fruit juice off without making a fuss. I managed to park my car in the exact same spot a couple of weeks later when there was a space available and nothing happened.

I had a little giggle when a group of teenagers were so surprised that I had made any friends on my Access course. They seemed to think that I was a friendless loner and a nerd. I am a nerd but I try to be nice and I try to talk to everyone on my course. :wink:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 78

Anonymous #8

I was bullied at secondary school from Year 7-9. Year 8 I remember as the worst year. I was literally spending breaks and lunches crying in the school counsellor's office or wandering the empty corridors while most other students were outside because I had no friends. My bullies were generally all the popular people in my year group but the worst ones were the people I used to consider my best friends. I had 2 best friends in primary school. They were pretty and skinny while I was quite fat with braces but we were extremely close. When we moved to Year 7 they immediately got accepted into the 'in crowd' while I was left on the outside. Then a popular girl in our form group decided she wanted to befriend my 2 best friends but not me because I was 'ugly, fat and embarrassing.' I asked my ex friends to choose between me and her and they chose her which left me friendless. On top of that a lot of the boys in my year group that fancied and dated my ex best friends and other popular girls bullied me for being fat/ugly/having braces and when I had braces I had a lisp so they imitated what i said in a lisp-voice whenever I said something. The boys would also throw food and dump drink over me yet a lot of the teachers would just do nothing. It wasn't a very good school.

And worst of all my ex best friends turned into the worst bullies of all spreading nasty things and rumours about me and my family e.g. that my parents were freaks so that they would keep being popular. They, along with a group of the popular kids/bullies would also come to my house often and either pretend to call for me and then when my parents answered the door run away laughing or even do things like throw eggs at my house and write on the walls 'Sophie is a ***ing ugly pig.' It got so bad in Year 8 that the police had to get involved. I also self harmed a lot and made myself sick a lot from all the 'fat' comments. I literally could not go one day at school without someone being horrible to me. My parents were also considering withdrawing me from the school. After police involvement the bullying gradually cooled down but I still got the odd nasty comment or two until I finally left in Year 11.

The repercussions were that I developed an eating disorder during the summer between Year 11 and the start of 6th form. In a year I went from
a dress size 14 to size 6 because I went to a new private sixth form in a small village outside my hometown purposely to avoid my former tormentors. Teachers and my parents got involved but at the time I just wanted to change who I was from all the 'fat' and 'ugly' comments I got at school. I am now a size 10 but healthy after I got referred to a dietician and counsellor by my GP. I did make lovely new supportive friends at sixth form and university. I am now 22 and going into my fourth and final year of my degree. However another repercussion is that in my hometown I am much more reluctant to go out and about in case I ran into any of the bullies even though I think that now we're all adults they surely won't recognise me or be remotely interested in picking on me in the same way they used to.

Reply 79

Anonymous #9

It has made me far more polarised; more black and white. I am far kinder to most people but I feel no empathy for people who I don't like.

One of my bullies had something terrible happen to their family and I didn't care. I wasn't pleased but I didn't dwell on it for more than a few seconds either.