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Why is my mother being so awkward?

She keeps moaning about how much she has to do around the house and that no one ever helps her. I told her yesterday to stop moaning all the time and now she is blanking me and not talking to me.

The thing is, she wants me to help around the house but she never tells me what needs doing. I'm not a mind reader so how am I suppose to know when she wants something done. When I do something on my own steam it's usually wrong anyway because she likes things done her way only. For example if I wash up she will say I could have put it in the dishwasher. If I hoover she will say she wasn't going to do it until xyz...

It's so annoying because she constantly moans about it yet never tells me what I can do to help, it's as if she likes to moan about it and have a jab at me all the time.

Any advice? I tried to tell her to stop moaning and if she wants me to do stuff then she needs to actually tell me, but look how that turned out.

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Reply 1
Do the dishes, hoovering, laundry it's not exactly hard to figure out what needs doing.


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My mum is exactly like that. I used to help out around the house a lot, but she'd always find something to complain about what I'd done. Now she's always begging me to help her but I refuse and remind her that every time I have done in the past, she'll find faults and make me feel really annoyed.
Reply 3
be with her when she is doing the work.... i feel its not that you should do, but you are not giving importance to her. Just be talk with her, be around in the room, that should solve it.
Reply 4
Original post by Maid Marian
My mum is exactly like that. I used to help out around the house a lot, but she'd always find something to complain about what I'd done. Now she's always begging me to help her but I refuse and remind her that every time I have done in the past, she'll find faults and make me feel really annoyed.


Your mom begs you for help and you don't to "punish" her? Kind of low..


Strong everything.

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(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by Maid Marian
My mum is exactly like that. I used to help out around the house a lot, but she'd always find something to complain about what I'd done. Now she's always begging me to help her but I refuse and remind her that every time I have done in the past, she'll find faults and make me feel really annoyed.


What a bitch! Your mum begs you to help? You should be ashamed of yourself. Go buy your own house and stop sponging off your mother if you're not going to help her out.
Original post by ZRO
Your mom begs you for help and you don't to "punish" her? Kind of low

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Original post by AreebWithaHat
What a bitch! Your mum begs you to help? You should be ashamed of yourself. Go buy your own house and stop sponging off your mother if you're not going to help her out.


Jeez calm down, she doesn't "beg" me for help, I was exaggerating. Every time I do help her, she always snaps at me and tells me I'm doing it wrong, so it's an easier life for both of us if I just don't help. She gets frustrated because our house is a mess (all her own mess actually) and likes to take it out on me and my dad...
Reply 7
Discuss together about what needs doing on which days, perhaps create a rota?
Omg. I'm not alone!

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maybe she's just fed up after you wrecked her vagina then she was obliged to feed, water, shelter, clothe and nuture you for however many years it's been. She's probably sick of it all, I know I would be. Plus she'll be watching herself get older and older, which nags away at people.
Reply 10
My mum does this as well, I occasionally do the washing up to show that I'm at least doing something
Reply 11
Original post by Maid Marian
Jeez calm down, she doesn't "beg" me for help, I was exaggerating. Every time I do help her, she always snaps at me and tells me I'm doing it wrong, so it's an easier life for both of us if I just don't help. She gets frustrated because our house is a mess (all her own mess actually) and likes to take it out on me and my dad...


Maybe your just doing it wrong. I mean if you did it right she'd have no reason to shout, am I right?

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Exactly what happens to me. Even when I do help she moans I'm doing it wrong or redoes my work. I am happy to work. Just don't want to be moaned at for what I do. Can't wait till I can just move out.


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Reply 13
Ask "what can I do to help?". If I see my mother seems stressed, I ask, and she tells me what I can do.

Other than that, a lot of tasks are only done a certain way. For example loading and unloading the dishwasher, doing your own laundry, cooking a meal etc.
Original post by Millie228
Ask "what can I do to help?". If I see my mother seems stressed, I ask, and she tells me what I can do.


I wish it was that simple. The standard reply to me is work it out yourself :smile:


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Original post by ZRO
Maybe your just doing it wrong. I mean if you did it right she'd have no reason to shout, am I right?

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I'm not doing it wrong! She's just likes it done "her" way, and only her way is the "right" way. It's not just me, I've spoken to my dad about it and he completely agrees that she is ridiculous over it.
Reply 16
Original post by mediocrecat
Do the dishes, hoovering, laundry it's not exactly hard to figure out what needs doing.


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Did you not read my post? I said when I do stuff it's always wrong anyway.

Original post by Millie228
Ask "what can I do to help?". If I see my mother seems stressed, I ask, and she tells me what I can do.

Other than that, a lot of tasks are only done a certain way. For example loading and unloading the dishwasher, doing your own laundry, cooking a meal etc.


I ask her that sometimes but she says 'Erm nothing really' anyway.
Reply 17
My mum gets a bit like that sometimes. Understandable really, what with a well-meaning but often quite messy father (especially when he's cooking) and four children. It sounds obvious but just have a look around - putting dishes away/doing some laundry is a start. When she's cooking dinner get all the cutlery and glasses out, stuff like that. She'll soon see you're trying and it will be easier. Talking from personal experience here :smile:
What I do is I see what she's doing and I offer to help. For example, if she's unloading the dishwasher, vacuuming, cooking or whatever I say "would you like me to do that?". Kind of "take over" from what she's doing. That way you know that's what needs doing haha :smile: Have you tried that?
Reply 19
Maybe it's her menopause coming.


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