Posted in health rather than fitness for anon purposes.
I've had an awful day eating wise, and it's put the cherry on the cake to know I have now hit 14 stone. I'm 5 foot 5, so you can probably imagine I'm pretty big, since I'm not that tall. The lowest I've ever been was 11 stone, so I've never been thin per se, but looking at old photos of myself makes me so upset. I looked great. Then before I know it I've put on 14 stone.I don't want to be arrogant but it hurts even more because I'm not an unattractive girl. When I was smaller I got lots of male attention, and my face is generally fat free, it's all gone to my body.
I know the hate fat people get on this forum. 'eat less move more', right? It's not that easy though! Not when your mind won't let you ignore that craving. Today I had a normal day eating wise, but then Tesco had Haribo on BOGOF, so I got some, and then I ate both packets throughout the day. I had dinner at 6ish, then at 10 my mum asked if I wanted a chinese and I can't say no, so I've had two dinners really. I feel so ashamed. I have obese parents which doesn't help, since they eat so much and eat loads of takeaways that I'm getting offered.
I hate exercise. I'd prefer to diet anyday. I find going to the gym really boring. I have a membership though.
I don't really know what I want people to say. I just feel so damn down and ashamed of myself. I have a wonderful boyfriend who hasn't said a thing to me, but I can't help thinking he must be getting sick of having a fat girlfriend because I was two stone lighter when we met. There's a really obese girl I was friends with in college who must have been about 20 odd stone. She's lost two and a half stone recently. Not enough for her, but if she can lose that much I just feel even worse knowing I can't.
I don't want to look like this anymore. I look in the mirror and cry. My lovely clothes don't fit anymore, and I feel so helpless. I'm not concerned about my health if I'm honest. I'm more concerned with my image and self-esteem. I know, I know - I can change this, but my mind won;t let me. I just want to have a normal person's outlook on food.