The Student Room Group

Comming out gay to my family.

Hi guys. I am a gay male who is muslim. My parents are not really religious just believe in god like me. So let me start from the begining, about 4 years ago I decided to come out to my family. I at the time living abroad with my family on a small island full of close minded gossiping idiots and one day was pretty frustrated with being bullied at school and was constantly being pestered by my dad about what was wrong with me and why I was so down. I blurted out that I am gay. He brought me to the table and called my mum and said we were going to talk about it, he kept shooting questions how do I know im gay? what makes me think that etc. I had no choice but to tell them my sexual experiences which shocked, made them brake things and cry. I couldnt take it anymore because it got to the point where I would wake up in the morning by my mum crying. I had to save them from this sadness I put them in so I lied and said I made up being gay for attention. It all worked out fine and they were relieved and everything went back to the way it was before. Fast forward a couple years we have moved back to London and I went out clubing with ny cousins and someone saw me kissing a guy and my sister heard and told my mum. She freaked out and started yelling. She now knows forsure that Im gay I hope. My sister is religious and my dad doesnt know anything. I recently started dating a guy and it looks like it is getting serious. What do I do? Do I tell them all and suffer whatever happens or do I keep on hiding behind a mask and risk someone seeing me out and about with him. I really need advice as I really like this guy. Thank you
I think the best course of action is probably to be completely honest. Sit down with everyone, ask them not to interrupt you but to hear everything you have to say, and explain that yes, you kissed a guy recently and yes, you're dating one. Tell them that you felt so hurt, rejected and guilty because of their reaction four years ago that you lied to make them feel better. Say that you've realised that you can't live that lie because it would make you deeply unhappy, that your boyfriend does make you happy, and that you need your family to accept and love you for you are, because you're still the same person you've always been. Ask them to think about what you've said before reacting, tell them that you love them, and that you hope they'll still love you too.

Hopefully that will remind them that it is their duty as your family to love and accept you despite your sexuality, that it doesn't matter in the scheme of things or change who you are, and make them remember that they do want you to be happy. Basically the idea is to pull on their heartstrings and make them realise how terrible it would be of them to react badly again.

All the best!
Reply 2
How do you know you are gay?
Reply 3
What Musie Suzie said, basically.

Sometimes it's easier to keep it under the radar, but I think you're past the point where that's an option. Probably best to get it all out in the open and try to deal with it proactively.

However, remember that you don't have to share everything. If they ask you questions you're not comfortable answering you don't have to answer them.

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