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Want to break up with my boyfriend... BUT.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6months ish and to put it quite bluntly I'm bored. I don't look forward to seeing him anymore, there's not any chemistry left and although we have things in common he's just too much of a 'nice' boy for me.

I am quite opinionated and like discussing current affairs, controversial issues, politics, etc and he doesn't have opinions on things and just seems to accept everything I say... now I know it sounds odd, but I crave an argument, just anything to show a bit of passion.

He was a virgin when I met him, and I was his first girlfriend, so this makes it even harder to break up with him, and I've tried before, but felt guilty so always have got back with him...

Anyway, it's the summer holidays, and I don't know how to break up with him, because he lives a few hours away, but I don't want to be the bitch who breaks up with him on facebook/via text. At the same time, I don't want him to drive down here only to be driving back again...

So I have no idea what to do, and how to do it... I know I need/want to because I need to work on myself and concentrate on uni this year, so help!? :frown:

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Reply 1
Also, I find it difficult to keep in contact with him everyday in the summer, and don't have the motivation, because I'm forever thinking about breaking up with him...
Original post by Anonymous
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6months ish and to put it quite bluntly I'm bored. I don't look forward to seeing him anymore, there's not any chemistry left and although we have things in common he's just too much of a 'nice' boy for me.

I am quite opinionated and like discussing current affairs, controversial issues, politics, etc and he doesn't have opinions on things and just seems to accept everything I say... now I know it sounds odd, but I crave an argument, just anything to show a bit of passion.

He was a virgin when I met him, and I was his first girlfriend, so this makes it even harder to break up with him, and I've tried before, but felt guilty so always have got back with him...

Anyway, it's the summer holidays, and I don't know how to break up with him, because he lives a few hours away, but I don't want to be the bitch who breaks up with him on facebook/via text. At the same time, I don't want him to drive down here only to be driving back again...

So I have no idea what to do, and how to do it... I know I need/want to because I need to work on myself and concentrate on uni this year, so help!? :frown:

Was in a similar situation about six months ago - boyfriend was boring and not interested in any discussions like the ones you've listed.. not only this he just didn't know anything about politics or current affairs... I was also his first girlfriend, so I get feeling guilty.
I'd definitely say that you do need to end it though, because you clearly aren't happy with him. I think it would be best to try and think that if you are unhappy in the relationship, he probably knows things aren't right and isn't as happy as he could be?
As for the whole not wanting to break up on FB/text but not wanting him to come all the way down just to have to turn around you could ring him? It's a lot more personal than text or FB and he won't have to do the journey.
Best of luck, I hope you both find someone you're happier with.
Reply 3
Do you want to be with him forever? If not you should remember this is your life and you only live once.
Pick up the phone and call him, it's going to have to happen sooner or later so think of it as sparing more hurt feelings further down the line for you both.


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Why is there a 'But' and a post on here? Do not mislead him because that would be more cruel than breaking up with him because then you could remain friends at least.
Reply 5
It's not a case of whether I am going to break up with him, I think if you're having doubts about anything in a relationship I think that's proof you SHOULD break up.

It's more just about when and how :frown:
Reply 6
If i were you ill will just travel to his house or meet up somewhere instead of doing it by text or phone so you can break up properly and talk it out properly.
It will show you respect him; if you did it by phone that wont be very nice in my opinion...
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 7
It may not be very nice, but it's the best way to do it, because if I try and do it face-to-face then I know I will crumble & stay with him. I need to do it, and I need some time after to be able to not talk to him.
It's always awkward trying to end things when you live far away. Maybe call him and say you need to talk about it? Seems like the most reasonable midway point between face to face and sending him a message. People often just say "face to face" but that actually isn't always the best option, and for LDRs is often unfeasible. Over the phone you can still discuss it.

Is there maybe any way you could go to where he lives, but for something else? If you had any friends living there or something. You could go and see him to sort things out, and then go and stay with your friends. Or maybe ask a friend if they want to do a weekend away trip or something? Then they could also be there for moral support and remind you of what you planned to do.
It's probably worth driving there! I was in a similar situation 2 months ago, there just kept being things that meant I wouldn't be able to break up with him, like exams, going on holiday, and going to Uni.
I ended up doing it 2 days before my final exams (my parents were not happy!) but it just took all the stress away!!


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Reply 10
Seriously, breaking up with somebody via phone or text is one of the worst ways to end a relationship. I know it'll be hard and an emotional roller-coaster to do it in person, but it'll be better for both of you if you end it amicably and in person; it'll be less painful as well if you can have a proper chat and discussion on how you both feel before going your separate ways.
Reply 11
If you call him, the famous "we need to talk" should be enough of a hint.

I say it is best you do break up with him, as there is clearly no point. With that said, I don't believe doing it by phone is necessarily disrespectful considering the circumstances.
Reply 12
I just did it via skype.

I appreciate that doing it this way was probably a little harsh and cowardly, but given the circumstances, I think it's acceptable :frown:

Felt absolutely awful, he was crying and made me feel worse, but it's gotta be done sometimes, it's life and life is cruel.
Reply 13
Original post by Birkenhead
That is rather cowardly and disrespectful, isn't it? The fact that sometimes life is cruel shouldn't be license to not show deserving others a little respect and dignity in already quite humiliating circumstances. Skype, for Christ's sake...



The situation is difficult and complicated.

I didn't want to force him to drive for 2 hours just to go home upset.
I didn't want to leave it til September when I'm back at university because that's just leading him on...

What was I meant to do? You tell me.
Reply 14
Have you ever considered that you might be the problem?
Reply 15
Original post by Birkenhead
Of course there is the possibility of you having gone to him. Incredulous, I know, the idea of a woman not being the centre of the universe around which all else revolves, but we must try to entertain the possibility. If he can get to you I'm sure you could have got to him, which would be more chivalrous since you're the one breaking a heart. Not too difficult or complicated, really.




Thanks for your opinions, but I disagree, i do not think you understand the situation properly and the level of difficulty involved with it.
Reply 16
It's easy to take a moral stand on this and be upset but if you've had much experience at the end of relationships this is pretty normal. Someone is always going to get hurt, have you considered it may have been harder on them both to do it in person?
What if she drove down and couldn't bring herself to do it? They both continue their doomed relationship and postpone the problem leading to potentially more hurt feelings and confusion at a later date.


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Reply 17
If you are going to break up with him doing it at his house. Trust me no one likes getting dumped and having to walk home.
Reply 18
Well if he doesn't argue then it's quite simple:

"You're dumped""
"OK then. You know best."

Simples.

Or it could go like this:

"You're dumped!"
"Woman! You can't dump me. I own you!"
"Oooh. Your so argumentative. Such a bad boy! I'm undumping you."
"Hey woman. It ain't even your decision."
Reply 19
In the situation of being dumped I have appreciated the respect of a face to face meeting. Even though it is far from a pleasant or easy experience for either party.

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