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Tell a funny joke and make someone smile

Well they don't all have to be funny, terrible ones can do the trick as well :wink:

i'll start with a terrible one, when the first awkward one is out the way hopefully more should follow.

There's an old resteraunt in covent garden. The reason it is still going is because it cooks whatever the person asks for, no menu. Naturally, everyone tries to out wit the kitchen and ask for really random, exotic food. But never once did it happen, everything could be cooked and served, until one day someone comes in and asks for Elephant balls on toast. The waiter goes into the kitchen, then slowly returns with an embarrassed look on his face. 'I do apologise sir, we can't make this dish. We don't have any bread'.

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All men are funny, considerate, passionate, and enjoy cleaning.
I'd stick 10 pounds on the Dalai Lama, if I was a Tibet-ting Man!


Sorry :getmecoat:
I went to a Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and said "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck."
Original post by Scrappy-coco
Well they don't all have to be funny, terrible ones can do the trick as well :wink:

i'll start with a terrible one, when the first awkward one is out the way hopefully more should follow.

There's an old resteraunt in covent garden. The reason it is still going is because it cooks whatever the person asks for, no menu. Naturally, everyone tries to out wit the kitchen and ask for really random, exotic food. But never once did it happen, everything could be cooked and served, until one day someone comes in and asks for Elephant balls on toast. The waiter goes into the kitchen, then slowly returns with an embarrassed look on his face. 'I do apologise sir, we can't make this dish. We don't have any bread'.


You were right there...
This is terrible.

You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a Catholic converter.

lololololololololol :biggrin:
A guy said an onion is the only fruit that can make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face :colone:
What do you call a dear with no eyes?

No Idea.

What do you call a dear with no eyes AND no legs?

Still No Idea.
Reply 8
Avatar for Scrappy-coco
Scrappy-coco
OP
3
Original post by Blueray2
A guy said an onion is the only fruit that can make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face :colone:


A joke is always funny with something in the face.
Original post by Scrappy-coco
A joke is always funny with something in the face.


If you slice a watermelon it looks like a smile :biggrin:
Reply 10
Avatar for Scott.M
Scott.M
12
3 men are in a bar, they all agree to do the first thing their wife tells them to do when they get home.

They meet up in the bar the next night, and ask each other how it went.

Man A said 'I am up for trial for arson'. His 2 friends are shocked and ask why. The man replies 'I tried to cook a pizza when I got home, but I was drunk so I burnt it and set the smoke detectors off. My wife came downstairs and said "Burn the house down, why don't you?"'

Man B said 'I am on trial for criminal damage'. His 2 friends, shocked, ask why. The man replies 'I was drunk when I got home and I fell over and knocked a vase onto the floor and it smashed. My wife, awoken by the noise, came downstairs and seen the damage, and said "That's right, just smash the place up."'

Finally, Man C finally piped up with 'I am on trial for GBH.' His 2 friends can't believe what they are hearing, as he is usually good mannered and quiet, and certainly not the type to get into a fight. 'Why!?' they inquire, shocked. 'Well, you see, when I got home my wife was asleep. So, being the horny drunk that I am, I snuck into bed and started feeling around her private part. "You can cut that out", she said'.
(edited 10 years ago)
Guy1: I got some new cool hearing aids. I can hear things up to three miles away!
Guy2: cool, how much did they cost?
Guy1: The time is 10 past 3.


Loooool never gets old
Reply 12
Avatar for Xotol
Xotol
14
You're so stupid you studied for a blood test.
Reply 13
Avatar for Reform
Reform
Original post by Blueray2
A guy said an onion is the only fruit that can make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face :colone:


:biggrin:
Reply 14
Avatar for Glitch96
Glitch96
1
Original post by Xotol
You're so stupid you studied for a blood test.


You're so stupid you stole the joke from an animated mailbox in a toyota prius commercial




(i hope i'm right xD)
Original post by Glitch96
You're so stupid you stole the joke from an animated mailbox in a toyota prius commercial




(i hope i'm right xD)

pwned. o_0
Reply 16
Avatar for Scrappy-coco
Scrappy-coco
OP
3
Chuck Norris was once bit by a deadly cobra.

After 5 days of agonising pain and suffering, the cobra died.
Reply 17
Avatar for Xotol
Xotol
14
Original post by Glitch96
You're so stupid you stole the joke from an animated mailbox in a toyota prius commercial




(i hope i'm right xD)


I did indeed (it was a funny ad!), but how does that make me stupid? You think everyone posting jokes here made them up themselves? :rolleyes:
Reply 18
Avatar for ElChapo
ElChapo
18
What did the man say after he lost his job at the rubber band factory?








Oh snap.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 19
Avatar for Glitch96
Glitch96
1
Original post by Xotol
I did indeed (it was a funny ad!), but how does that make me stupid? You think everyone posting jokes here made them up themselves? :rolleyes:


Reusing a joke doesn't make you stupid, but it does if the Original person was a talking mailbox xD

I can't think of any jokes... Damn

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