Need advice on telling my friend i don't like her boyfriend much.
Anon please.
Basically i got an old school friend who i've known for 13 years now, and she has a bf, they've been together for 3 months and of course adore one another. Like most couples do when they start going out.
But she keeps inviting me out every week to go out and meet up with her boyfriend and his friend. But i'm finding it uncomfortable around her boyfriend and him friend. because i got told his friend likes me, who is about 17 years older then me :/ and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Her boyfriend also makes jokes about it which makes matters worse.
But now her boyfriend has started flirting with me on fb and talking most days and also doing the same to another friend of mine to which i don't think she knows this is going on.
I'm one of these people who normally straight away tell the other person this is going on and be truthful about stuff like this is its happening, but my friend had gotten so clingy to her boyfriend that I'm scared she will turn her back on me and choose him.
I've never personally been in this situation where a friends boyfriend flirts with me. but i remember a month ago her boyfriend flirted with one of our friends and found out, but she did nothing about it.
But i feel as though she wont believe me and think i'm making stuff up or that she will hate me.
What can i do?
I'm just uncomfortable and stuck in this situation by this all that I'm avoiding going out with her.
Basically i got an old school friend who i've known for 13 years now, and she has a bf, they've been together for 3 months and of course adore one another. Like most couples do when they start going out.
But she keeps inviting me out every week to go out and meet up with her boyfriend and his friend. But i'm finding it uncomfortable around her boyfriend and him friend. because i got told his friend likes me, who is about 17 years older then me :/ and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Her boyfriend also makes jokes about it which makes matters worse.
But now her boyfriend has started flirting with me on fb and talking most days and also doing the same to another friend of mine to which i don't think she knows this is going on.
I'm one of these people who normally straight away tell the other person this is going on and be truthful about stuff like this is its happening, but my friend had gotten so clingy to her boyfriend that I'm scared she will turn her back on me and choose him.
I've never personally been in this situation where a friends boyfriend flirts with me. but i remember a month ago her boyfriend flirted with one of our friends and found out, but she did nothing about it.
But i feel as though she wont believe me and think i'm making stuff up or that she will hate me.
What can i do?
I'm just uncomfortable and stuck in this situation by this all that I'm avoiding going out with her.
show her that he is flirting you need to gather evidence and make sure he doesnt know what you are trying to do
You need evidence, if he actually is flirting. The best thing I'd say is to message her evidence or something, or perhaps meet up with her and show her evidence.
Do nothing, eventually she'll find out for herself.
But if you must, try and get your friend to observe the behaviour as it happens, and THEN you can follow up with other evidence (like texts or what have you).
try not to badger her or overplay how much you dislike him otherwise she'll just feel nagged and/or that your whole behaviour/efforts are based on nothing more than your dislike for the guy or something on your end.
You can tell her what's wrong with him till you;re blue in the face, but what you need to do is help her see for herself.
But if you must, try and get your friend to observe the behaviour as it happens, and THEN you can follow up with other evidence (like texts or what have you).
try not to badger her or overplay how much you dislike him otherwise she'll just feel nagged and/or that your whole behaviour/efforts are based on nothing more than your dislike for the guy or something on your end.
You can tell her what's wrong with him till you;re blue in the face, but what you need to do is help her see for herself.
Define 'flirting' - you sure he hasn't just noticed you're uncomfortable and is trying to make friends with you?
Original post by MelanieDickson
Define 'flirting' - you sure he hasn't just noticed you're uncomfortable and is trying to make friends with you?
This is an important consideration. How blatent is the flirting? If you haven't known him that long then perhaps he's just someone that comes across quite flirtatiously without meaning anything by it?
If it's definitely serious flirting then show her the messages but be prepared for her to shoot the messenger initially. If she does get angry with you then remember how hurtful it will be for her to find this out and be ready to forgive her when she realises he's an idiot and comes back looking for her friends. But do be very sure that this isn't just his idea of friendly before you say anything.
The issue with his friend is separate. Make it clear to your friend that you don't like this guy and don't feel comfortable with people making comments about the two of you. She could feed this back tactfully to her boyfriend and put a stop to any intended set ups.
Invite her over leaving Facebook and the messages open on your computer for when she arrives. Don't draw attention to the computer but maybe ask if she wants to watch some youtube videos or leave the room to get you both some drinks giving her the opportunity to have a nose at your facebook.
Original post by Sazzle4
This is an important consideration. How blatent is the flirting? If you haven't known him that long then perhaps he's just someone that comes across quite flirtatiously without meaning anything by it?
If it's definitely serious flirting then show her the messages but be prepared for her to shoot the messenger initially. If she does get angry with you then remember how hurtful it will be for her to find this out and be ready to forgive her when she realises he's an idiot and comes back looking for her friends. But do be very sure that this isn't just his idea of friendly before you say anything.
The issue with his friend is separate. Make it clear to your friend that you don't like this guy and don't feel comfortable with people making comments about the two of you. She could feed this back tactfully to her boyfriend and put a stop to any intended set ups.
If it's definitely serious flirting then show her the messages but be prepared for her to shoot the messenger initially. If she does get angry with you then remember how hurtful it will be for her to find this out and be ready to forgive her when she realises he's an idiot and comes back looking for her friends. But do be very sure that this isn't just his idea of friendly before you say anything.
The issue with his friend is separate. Make it clear to your friend that you don't like this guy and don't feel comfortable with people making comments about the two of you. She could feed this back tactfully to her boyfriend and put a stop to any intended set ups.
Well let me just say he calls me 'beautiful', 'babe', baby', how nice i look in my profile picture and how he hasn't seen me in a while and stuff like that.
Now how isn't that not uncomfortable?
I have all the messages and everything still on fb but like i said, I'm scared to show her, being that she of course will be hurt like anyone would be in this situation, but she's one of these people who will ignore it and ignore it more till it gets even worse, and i don't want that for her because if it does get worse, it will hurt her more and yet i don't want to mess things up for her either being as she adores him and her first boyfriend.. but i've never been in a situation like this with a friends bf and i just cant seem to talk to her about it as Its hard to actually show her and not lose our friendship.
and like i said, its not just me, he's chatting to other friends of hers and they tell me she says similar things.
Original post by amb3r
straight up tell her and if she doesn't believe it then show her the messages and reassure her that you're just being honest and not trying to mess things up
also tell her that the thing with his friend annoys you, don't stand for it if it makes you feel uncomfortable
also tell her that the thing with his friend annoys you, don't stand for it if it makes you feel uncomfortable
This is what i'm hoping to do, but its easier said then done :/ i wont be seeing her till 3 weeks as shes gone away now but even if i reassure her that I'm just being honest and not trying to mess things up, i know she will take it the wrong way even if i show her stuff, so its making sure i do this at the right time.
and i've said so many times about his friend, but her and her bf dont actually do anything about it, which is why i try to not go out with her.
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