I find social situations exhausting and I can't cope

　
I don't know why but I get physically and mentally exhausted building up to a social situation and after the situation has taken place. I also find it very awkward maintaining a good flow of conversation and thinking of new things to say, appearing interesting, watching my tone of voice, etc. I find it hard to keep interest. I've been hanging out with people all day today, and now I'm shut away in my room with the door closed I am 100% in my comfort zone
I find social 'norms' frustrating too like so what if I want to be on my own in my room for a bit, so what if I'm choosing to eat my dinner in my room instead of downstairs where people can sit and watch me eat which i find disgusting and judge me, so what if I choose to go for a walk by myself, so what if I am quiet one day and really can't be bothered talking to people because of how tiring it becomes.

I'm not a complete social recluse I do have friends and love being around them but only for a short time. But with new people it's utterly exhausting and I really can't cope. It's too much to try to fit in to these norms. Why can't people be individual?

sorry for my rant. :frown:

I am female 20 please tell me this is normal and I don't have some weird disorder

Reply 1

Watch Key Phone

It's normal. It just means you're an introvert - you are no better or worse than someone who enjoys a lot of social interaction. Just be honest with yourself about what you can and can't handle. If you're feeling tired out in a social situation, then remind yourself that it's OK to go home and recharge, even though other people still seem to be going strong. Don't feel obliged to go to social events that you don't think you'll enjoy. Arrange for a way to take 'breaks' from people if you are going to be stuck in a group situation for a while (even hiding in the toilets for a few minutes to clear your head can give you a surprising boost of energy). Welcome to the introvert club! :smile:

Reply 2

Magdatrix >_<

Original post by Anonymous

I am female 20 please tell me this is normal and I don't have some weird disorder

It's fine as long as you're not overly distressed by it and it doesn't stop you doing what you want/need to do. :smile:

I too prefer to eat alone that with others, and I like the "free mind" time I get from going for a walk alone. I like to do my own thing! I like to be around certain people but getting to know new people can be extremely difficult - although in my opinion, that also depends on that person. With some people it's difficult to keep a conversation, and easy to feel like they're judging you, whereas with others it can be much easier. Problem is, those easier-to-get-along
people seem to be much more rare!

Sometimes it works to explain that it's nothing against them, you just like to have more 'quiet time' than they do! Some people seem unwilling to accept that, but some people don't even need the explanation to accept it!
:smile:

Reply 3

furryface12

I think that's fairly normal in people, certainly I feel the same way and several of my friends do too. I tend to 'go to the toilet' for a couple of minutes when I have the time, literally just sit there for thirty seconds or so to just breathe and feel that I actually have the energy to go back out there and face people again :tongue:

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(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 4

username1039383

Omg i am the EXACT same. It just means we're intoverts. Good to know im not the only one who feels this way too. Im social but i love my personal space and enjoy my own company

Reply 5

furryface12

Original post by arson_fire

This might interest you:

http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts

That's really interesting! And describes me perfectly... I wish I could people at school that, they might not think me quite so weird otherwise :dunno:

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Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Kinda offended that you put "some weird disorder".
Thanks for that.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Kinda offended that you put "some weird disorder".
Thanks for that.

Sorry I didn't mean it that way.

Reply 8

Antifazian

As others have said, this is quite normal and just means that you are introverted and need to recharge a bit after spending time with people. There's no shame in needing to do this, it just means that you're very comfortable with your own thoughts and company, and that it takes a bit more effort to focus on something external like talking to another person. :smile:

Reply 9

Treestorm

I'm 36 and feel like you, and always have done. This evening, I was forced to go out for dinner with some friends of my wife, they're perfectly 'nice people' but when I was sitting around the dinner table, conversation flowing between the other 5, I could feel myself imploding deeper and deeper. In a state of sheer frustration I nearly broke my own fingers under the table, and I'm not joking. I hate socialising, and I detest social norms. I simply can't do it. Like you, I have friends with whom I enjoy meaningful conversation, but if around new people I find myself feeling absolutely exhausted after about 15 minutes. Like me, you probably have a melancholic personality type. It's not an illness, you just have different needs to other people. Do some research on personality types and you'll see that you don't have an illness, you just have a particular personality that needs nurturing in a different way to more social people. You likely excel in creative areas so focus on those areas and pursuits which make you feel fulfilled. Plenty of people feel the same way.

Reply 10

placenta medicae talpae

I'm similar too :smile:

Well, I can pull off most social situations (except when I really can't be bothered) but get extremely tired of all the effort it takes after short periods of time.
Have you ever looked into your MBTI personality type? -- you might find some benefit from looking at how others with a similar personality type approach these things :smile:

Reply 11

Copperknickers

Original post by Anonymous

I am female 20 please tell me this is normal and I don't have some weird disorder

First of all, the fact you find it 'weird' to have a disorder proves you are not totally comfortable with your introvertedness, and its possible you do have social anxiety disorder or something similar. There are many people who are introverts, but you seem to be quite an extreme case: most introverts don't find it disgusting when people watch them eat, and its not 'normal' to not talk to people for an entire day because you're tired.

But nobody is entirely normal. You're probably normal in many respects, just not socially. And although you're not normal, neither are you alone: there are plenty of other people like you, just not perhaps a majority of people.

Reply 12

mxcs

It's good that you do have friends and spend time with them, it's absolutely normal to not want to be around people all the time. I think everyone finds it difficult talking to new people to a certain extent, since you can't always be comfortable around them like you might be able to do with your friends. Of course, it definitely becomes easier once you get over the initial awkwardness of first talking to someone.

I completely understand the grossness of eating around others - I can't stand the sound of other people chewing and swallowing food (slurping is the worst!).

Reply 13

Freier._.lance

Original post by Anonymous

I am female 20 please tell me this is normal and I don't have some weird disorder

While some people say the reason behind you feeling this way in social situation is because you are introverted, the actual reason is far simpler. You are trying so hard to control everything about the way people perceive you in these situations that you are not really enjoying yourself in such situations, at least not in a way you should be.

I used to be exactly the same, get tired after long periods of any social encounter, conversation, extremely mentally exhausted, finding it difficult to concentrate. It's because you are concentrating on the wrong aspects of the situation. Next time you are in such a situation, try and simply let go. Try and create a scenario where you can laugh uncontrollably, it will refresh you, trust me on this. Just enjoy yourself. Socials are meant to be somewhere you can be selfish (despite the irony in that) and enjoy yourself in the company of other people. If you're not enjoying yourself, how can you expect other around you enjoy themselves?

Reply 14

rickfloss

Original post by Anonymous

I am female 20 please tell me this is normal and I don't have some weird disorder

have you tried nardil?

its meant to be a miracle drug, unfortunatley gp's in uk would rather prescribe a drug that would give you an increased suicide rate(SSRI) than a drug that would make you slightly hypertensive if you ate blue cheese

Push for nardil, and dont ask for anything else