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Long distance relationship - like someone else

Hey everyone,

I know this topic has probably been covered loads already, but would really appreciate some advice and help

I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, he is my first proper bf and we met at uni and have been together since. 2months ago, we started working. I took a good job opportunity up north and he stayed south. As a result we are now 6 hours apart (slightly quicker by car). I really don't regret the decision to move as I got a research job in what I'm interested in and he wanted to be near to family, and it was very unlikely that we would have ended up in the same place anyways. However, our jobs r quite busy - some weekends are taken up by work etc and so roughly the plan is to see each other once a month, taking it in turns to travel

We speak on the phone most days which is fine, but I just feel that aside from when we will see each other, I just don't feel like I'm in a relationship at all.

The main issue is that I've started to have feelings for another guy at work. We work together and he is a couple of years more senior than me. He is really lovely and we get on really well - and he is also really attractive! I do feel bad that I'm having these feelings. I don't know if he likes me in that way, and I also don't know if its just a massive crush! He hasn't mentioned a girlfriend (and I've not asked him or broached the subject) and I've not mentioned my boyfriend, which I know is a bad sign

I don't know if he likes me or if he is just a really nice guy. As I was new to the area, he showed me round one afternoon a few weeks ago and had a coffee at his home. I also find we get on very well and often he'l accidently put his hand accross my back (this could just be his nature/ cultural thing though). He also brought me a coffee up to whereI was working the other day as I had quite a lot to do (i have quite a specific coffee which he remembered). I don't know if these are signs that he likes me or not? - but we haven;t broached the topic of bf/gfs and he hasn't asked me out or anything like that. Obviously we work together everyday pretty much

I feel bad that I'm having these feelings for him and I haven't told my bf. I don't know if its just a crush or something more serious, or if its indicating that I shouldn't be in a relationship with my current bf if I'm feeling this way about someone else! At the same time, I don't know if I would be prepared to break up with my bf of 3.5 years for someone who may not even like me or may not work out...

Please help..any advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation would really help!

Thank you for reading this xxx
Reply 1
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Anonymous #1
OP
Anyone?? Sorry its so long xxx
If he liked you, would you want something with him? If yes, definitely break up with your boyfriend?
That's a tough one really and I'm probably not the best person to answer you but i'll try.

I wouldn't panic into anything just yet, I'd see how things go over the next couple of weeks. What does your boyfriend think about
the distance? Obviously not seeing him is naturally causing you to drift apart, but if you've been together for 3.5 years you must
have quite a strong connection. I would speak to him about not seeing each other much and see what he says (I wouldn't mention the crush on the other guy)


Remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side - but at the same time, can you see the relationship working long term if you always live apart?
That's interesting.

I say go with it. If you're apart from your boyfriend and feel almost like you're not in a relationship anyway, then hey maybe your current relationship is starting to run its course.

I feel I have some backing to this, too. My girlfriend is South Korean, we've been together two years and I've seen her a lot of times. However I started university this week (25 years old though, not a young pup), and I have no idea how the hell I'm going to ever see her again in the next 4 years. And frankly I don't even care. My emotions have run their course, I loved her dearly but now it's kind of faded. She even tells me she knows I'll move on from her now that I'm at uni. And to make matters worse, I've met someone who I kind of like a little bit, and the main factor is that if she liked me too (maybe she does, I'm honestly not sure), I'd probably go with it, because my current relationship is in a bit of a predicament and I can't really hold onto it in the way it is anyway.

I think your relationship is currently similar to mine - a bit past its sell-by date and now the potential for something better has come along, you feel a lot more aware of how it may be time to move on.

Hmmmm. I say don't dive into anything. If you build up a relationship with this new co-worker, then clearly you should go with it. But let it happen slowly - maybe nothing will happen at all. If you're a little bit interested, then advance a little bit, spend time with him, I'm sure you'll both be aware if your friendship is becoming something a bit 'more'. But be open at some point. Tell him you have a boyfriend. If you're 'meant to be', then the issue of your current boyfriend would just be water under the bridge in the development of what's to come.

And I don't think it would be cheating, either. You're a human being with a new life. Love doesn't hold itself for any personal measure.
Reply 5
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Anonymous #1
OP
Thankyou for the replies

I do feel bad saying this...but I am really attracted to this guy from work, and if he did ask me out (which I don't think he will..as it could just be him being friendly and a nice guy), I would find it really difficult to say no! BUT I would have to be honest and tell him about my bf, and that its long distance etc

I have mentioned the distance to my boyfriend...at the moment our jobs will be the way they are for the next 2 years (we knew this before). I've told my boyfriend that in between us seeing each other - I don't feel that I'm in a relationship because I don't feel things are as spontaneous and we can't just see each other as and when we want to...My bf said that its something we will get used to and he is alot more positive about it all than I am. I've said that I worry I won't find it easier with time..but he just say that thats unlikely..

I haven't told him about the other guy

Xxxx

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