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I came out, and now my parents are pissed at me...

Not because I came out, but because it took me so long to do so, and because I told most of my friends before I told them.

Apparently they're upset because I "lied to [them] for so long", and I was "selfish and childish" for telling my friends before I told them. I've betrayed their trust by not telling them straight away, and I've been "arrogant and totally up [myself]" by thinking I could get away with not telling them for so long. Apparently, being scared to tell them was "totally irrational of [me]", and shows "a total lack of trust in [them]", which has apparently upset them deeply.

They don't seem to be accepting my point that I was too busy worrying they'd be upset by me telling them to consider that they might be upset if I didn't tell them...

So, apparently I've ****ed up big time, in the one way I had never anticipated. Any ideas on what I can do to calm them down? :s-smilie:

Reply 1

saraw26

I think they are in shock more than anything and feel like you don't trust them like they thought. It's okay, if they love you they'll accept it. Just reassure them and show them you trust them - that's all you can do really

Reply 2

Al-Mudaari

Somewhat understandable though, I mean, what you stated is very obvious (ie. scared to tell them for reasons that they might get upset, which I'm sure your parents realise), so maybe, the trust is potentially an excuse for how they might really feel. ie. thinking about things like no daughter in law, no grand children etc.

Anyways, they probably won't stay mad at you forever.

Reply 3

Theatre_student

They have no right to be pissed at you, coming out is a deeply personal and indvidual process and in doing so you have to think about what is right for YOU. That's what they need to understand. You told them when you were ready to, end of story. Coming out is hard- much harder than a lot of people think and it's not as simple as "I'll just tell them" Sometimes even if you know that they will be fine with it can take time for you to feel ready to tell them- it might be irrational but so what? It's a big thing fir some people and you have to work through it on your own time and your own terms.

They don't understand how it feels to come out, and nobody who doesn't have to do it ever will, so they probably can't understand why you waited to tell them, but don't worry they will get over it, just keep talking to them and try and get them to understand it was something you needed to do when you felt ready, that it was a big thing and you didn't have the time or energy to consider their feelings in this matter because ultimately the only person that matters in this scenario is you.

Hope everything calms down for you! And congratulations on coming out :smile:

Reply 4

kate3

tell them you were too worried to even think about that sort of thing AGAIN; you underestimated their capability to be cool and you were worried they would take it the wrong way, but now you realise they would never do that (slip a bit of a compliment in as they seem sad you could even think they would take it badly) say you're genuinely sorry. if you have to, if they're not listening, write it down. :smile:

(this is what I expect my parents to say when I tell them. my mum gets offended when I tell her I don't have a boyfriend cos she thinks I'm lying...)