How do introverts make friends?

Hello,

There are two types of social character - Extroverts and Introverts...and of course rarely anybody is 100% of either one. i.e an introvert can still be (or pretend to be) an extrovert if he/she tries hard enough...

In general, i think an introvert makes less friends than an extrovert because of their character, they don't like being in the spotlight or the center of the party too often. They are passive in social settings. Introverts prefer hanging out with a few friends whereas extroverts prefer hanging out with hundreds.

For a while, I felt being an introvert was wrong and pretend to be an extrovert by talking as much as possible, being super positive and trying very hard to connect with everybody...but I feel extremely tired and drain afterwards and just want to shut everyone off and be alone.

I had a few close friends in the past from school...but they are kind of out of touch. (I did try to stay in touch, but sometimes I think people just come and go in our life) I have been struggling to connect with friends at university....and even after the second year, I am still trying. (Making meaningless small talks...which I absolutely loathe)

However despite the fact that I am quite independent and needs a lot of alone time, it would be nice to have some close friends who you can open up to talk to without trying so hard. But being an introvert makes friendship-forming quite hard for me sometimes.

So for people who consider themselves introverts...how do you make close friends?

Reply 1

username607202

17

Have any hobbies? Join a few clubs that relate to your hobby. You'll meet people there who share the same interests. The rest should just come naturally. :smile:

Reply 2

Plantagenet Crown

20

As above, societies are always great places to make friends because you find people of similar interests.

Reply 3

Circles

1

Introvert here.

I just started University and so the most challenging thing for me was opening up to a new flatmate who had just moved in (four more are due). He's seems quite outgoing, confident and perhaps quite the party-goer, but I forced myself to talk to him and make the conversation - asking questions.

I don't plan on going out and drinking, and so I'm planning on going to some Film Screenings in hope that I'll find people like myself - as other users have stated, one of the best things you can do is attend events that you're interested in. In this scenario, it's notably societies and possibly clubs - meet new people, and in a way, you already sort of know them as you're there because you have something in common.

It does take some time to sort of "recharge" after extensive social activities, and unfortunately for us introverts, we're outnumbered by the extroverts :colondollar:

Best of luck to you.

Kind Regards,

Circles.

Reply 4

xMr_BrightSide

11

Something I've found quite useful is to not overthink what you want to say - just say it. Often I decided against adding to the conversation because I didn't think my comment was that interesting or funny, and so I just sat on the periphery. Once I realised I was overcomplicating things, conversation in a large group became much easier - suddenly I was in the middle of it, prompting answers and comments.

So don't worry about your contributions too much - just say anything remotely relevant and it'll work! And a surefire way of keeping a conversation flowing with someone you don't know well is to simply ask them a question on what they just said - people love to talk about themselves, and it makes you look friendly and interested by asking them.

Reply 5

MantaRey

8

I'm also an introvert who has to expend energy in social situations and I have a very small group of friends. I really don't know how I make friends to be honest. I just chat to people and act friendly. Usually we just get along, but rarely that spark comes and I know I have a friend.

I did my undegrad in a foreign country so I found it a bit hard to fit in with any group. I was randomly chatting with a guy in class and he asked "What do you do when you get home?" and when I said "I play this game called Pokemon Emerald" it turned out he was a fan as well and our friendship grew from there. I'll be going to another foreign country (the UK) next week for my masters, so I hope another random conversation will net me a friend there as well :P.

Reply 6

Cultural Marxist

Original post by Wick3d

Have any hobbies? Join a few clubs that relate to your hobby. You'll meet people there who share the same interests. The rest should just come naturally. :smile:

An introvert doesn't join societies.

How can an introvert find like minded people when they don't enjoy group company/social situations?

Reply 7

Watch Key Phone

15

Never underestimate the power of the internet. I have a great deal of my social interactions online - both with people I already know in real life (friends from college etc), but also people I have only ever known online. I think a lot of people find the idea of internet friendships somehow less real or meaningful than those in person. But especially for introverts, they can be really good. Communicating through text allows you to control the pace and method of interaction, and be able to come and go as you like without being pressured into interacting when you don't want to.

Edit: and if you want, to can try to form friendships online, and then progress to meeting people in person. For example, finding societies or groups online and then meeting up after you've got to know some people.

Reply 8

andyboy001

OP

Thanks guys for the suggestions...I did join societies and in fact I volunteered to be the 'secretary' of a society last year. Hoping that working closely with other members will allow me to talk to more people. But I still find it very hard....I rarely contribute in society meetings mostly because I don't have anything meaningful to contribute. My brain and mouth just freeze whenever I am in a group...and it always amaze me how some people can constantly have words coming out from their mouth.

I find my 'unable to speak in group' problem frustrating, and trying very hard to over come it. I do much better in one to one conversations...

Reply 9

andyboy001

OP

Original post by MantaRey

I did my undegrad in a foreign country so I found it a bit hard to fit in with any group. I was randomly chatting with a guy in class and he asked "What do you do when you get home?" and when I said "I play this game called Pokemon Emerald" it turned out he was a fan as well and our friendship grew from there. I'll be going to another foreign country (the UK) next week for my masters, so I hope another random conversation will net me a friend there as well :P.

This is actually how most of my friends were made before going to university :smile:

Original post by Watch Key Phone

if you want, to can try to form friendships online, and then progress to meeting people in person. For example, finding societies or groups online and then meeting up after you've got to know some people.

Thanks for the advice...I will give it a try!

Reply 10

urmalison

8

Original post by andyboy001

Hello,

There are two types of social character - Extroverts and Introverts...and of course rarely anybody is 100% of either one. i.e an introvert can still be (or pretend to be) an extrovert if he/she tries hard enough...

In general, i think an introvert makes less friends than an extrovert because of their character, they don't like being in the spotlight or the center of the party too often. They are passive in social settings. Introverts prefer hanging out with a few friends whereas extroverts prefer hanging out with hundreds.

For a while, I felt being an introvert was wrong and pretend to be an extrovert by talking as much as possible, being super positive and trying very hard to connect with everybody...but I feel extremely tired and drain afterwards and just want to shut everyone off and be alone.

I had a few close friends in the past from school...but they are kind of out of touch. (I did try to stay in touch, but sometimes I think people just come and go in our life) I have been struggling to connect with friends at university....and even after the second year, I am still trying. (Making meaningless small talks...which I absolutely loathe)

However despite the fact that I am quite independent and needs a lot of alone time, it would be nice to have some close friends who you can open up to talk to without trying so hard. But being an introvert makes friendship-forming quite hard for me sometimes.

So for people who consider themselves introverts...how do you make close friends?

**** knows how i have friends xD im comfortable at talking to people in one-on-one situations so mainly that way when i have to sit next to someone at college, or i meet people through current friends

Reply 11

urmalison

8

yeah talking/meeting people online is pretty easy too

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by andyboy001

This is actually how most of my friends were made before going to university :smile:

Thanks for the advice...I will give it a try!

How did things work out for you?

Reply 13

Hellz_Bellz!

2

It's been difficult for me to make friends, I really have to push myself out of my shell. I usually know when they'll make a good friend when the conversation flows easily. I'm someone that, if there's nothing in common or they intimidate me, I just can't make small talk and I just stay quiet. So if talking to them is effortless and I feel comfortable enough to be myself around them, then it's great. In some ways it's a good potential friend detector :awesome:

And at the same time, if we're able to be in silence together without it being awkward, it's also a good sign. Awkward silences are the worst!

I don't think this has really answered your question of how we make friends. I met my closest friend abroad, and we clicked automatically. And my other circle of friends I met at college through a mutual friend - she introduced me to the rest of her friends and they were all lovely so I stuck around!

I think my advice would be... don't force the whole friend-making process. You won't always like everyone and they won't always like you. And don't get discouraged! True friends are very hard to find :smile:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 14

LJStudent

15

We don't make friends, we hang out on TSR :colone:

(Of course not)

I would consider myself to be an introvert. I guess the way I make friends (or try to make friends) is just putting myself in situations I wouldn't usually put myself in. You know, pushing the boat out a bit, carpe diem!
As long as you can hold a basic conversation, anybody can be your friend :smile:

Reply 15

username1039383

21

They need to make an 'Introverts only' society at all unis. It will give a chance for introverts to open up and make friends similar to themselves