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Failed medical school, need advice from others who have been through it

Hi, i recently failed on a graduate medical programme. I had to retake the first year, passed and then narrowly failed the second year. It was fairly recent, I was doing much better academically and I felt that I was too stressed and unlucky on the day and now all that work counts for nothing. I cannot appeal my mark and I cannot retake another year. I found the medical school very unfriendly and badly organised when I was there but it was not their fault I failed. They just told me I couldn't continue and that was it really, I know it wasn't their fault but it didn't help that they didn't even give a **** how I was.
after I found out I was out of medicine, I attempted suicide, it wasn't an attempt I really followed through on as a passer by interrupted. I've been on antidepressants since then, haven't felt suicidal again but have felt very low indeed. I'm nearly 30 and feel like I wasted my life on something that I couldn't succeed at and have nothing to show for my efforts, along with the knowledge that I'll never be doctor.
I'm asking if anyone else has had to leave medical school and had to change direction like me and how they managed it?
even if its just other people's experiences and what alternative careers they found as I'm looking for advice. Like I said I can't appeal and its over for me so I can't go back in to med school, I'm just interested in hearing how people like me have adapted and what kind of things they went into that didn't feel like a huge step down from medicine.
any help would be appreciated?

Reply 1

Missymoo84

Original post by Beavis46

Hi

I'm not a failed medical student but felt very saddened by your story. Like you I'm nearly 30, but with 2 kids and applying for the second time to gain entry into medicine. There are some days when I think I will never get in and even if I do, then I'm not sure how I would cope juggling a medical degree and 2 kids. Ive seen plenty of friends gain entry into medicine over the years and felt very frustrated with myself. Did the medical school not take into account your circumstances? I'm sure ive read on TSR that some other students who were kicked out re-appealed again or something and did manage to get back on the course. Would you consider going abroad? Or may be if, as you say, you want a career which isn't a huge step down, then consider taking a phd in a subject that interests you? Ive considered this and may fall down this route if I can't gain entry.

For me, reaching 30 is a big turning point and I had always assumed that by my age I would have had some high flying career, but it never really happened. I think its important to always try and pick yourself up and learn from your experiences (easier said than done of course) and look at it as a new start to something even better, which may or may not be medicine.

Reply 2

Beavis46

Thanks, no I can't appeal this case and studying abroad would cost more money than I can afford to borrow. I wouldn't worry about having children, a lot of people seem to manage it but it could be hard on a 4 yr course. Thanks for your advice, deep down I think if I ever got on to another course that I wouldn't be able to handle it anyway as I e failed already

Reply 3

AJ Smiley

Original post by Beavis46

Have you thought about nursing? I know it might feel like a step down from medicine, but you might enjoy it. There are also lots of opportunities to specialise plus opportunities for work abroad in the developing world, as there are with medicine. Nurses are also getting increasing amounts of clinical responsibility so again more aspects of the job you might enjoy. The toughest thing would be working alongside doctors, if you weren't completely over the hurt of failing yet. I didn't get as far as you. My failures came in my last few years at school. I know the feeling, stay strong.

Reply 4

username1236842

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/1297718-Failed-1st-year-medicine
link to thread in mumsnet that may be helpful. I suspect the medicine forum on TSR doesn't contain many people who failed/ dropped out of medicine as they probably stay away from other medics.
The thread started a couple of years ago but there are more recent updates.
I think some people become too fixated on being a doctor as an aim in life and when it doesn't work out can feeel as though all is lost. There are loads of other careers that will be just as interesting and fulfilling. You need to step away from medicine for a while. I wouldn't encourage you to be a nurse as I think that will just foster "wish I was a doctor" tendencies, plus higher ranks of nurses end up as administrators. One of the good things about the medical career ladder is that we don't end up as pen pushers at the top.
What was your first degree? Why were you not happy with that? Could you re-enter that field? Drug company stuff and research? teaching? Bid manager? Engineering?

Reply 5

Nuttyneuron

I don't want to start off by saying I know how bad you're feeling right now, I can only imagine how terrible your situation feels. I just want to tell you that just because you didn't make it through medical school, it doesn't mean you can't live a happy and successful life. There are so many routes out there that you can take, so many places that you can travel to, and so much you can learn and explore, it really is limitless. Medicine meant a lot for you as it means a lot to the majority of the individuals doing the course, but medicine isn't everything. Honestly, I used to think medicine was everything, it was my world, if I didn't have it I would have nothing - that's exactly how I used to think. However, after seeing so many people suffering with terminal illnesses with symptoms that confine them to the house and sometimes to the bed, and watching them live through it with positive attitudes changed my mind. This isn't meant to be a feel good sort of post, I just want to tell you that not all is lost. You have health, hope, and your life ahead of you. Take this opportunity to pick yourself up, and firstly go and have some fun. Secondly, go and do something amazing :-)

Reply 6

Beavis46

Thank you and thanks for your advice. I've been very low but I really regret my suicide attempt, I hate that I tried so hard and lost such a good opportunity and I'm really really worried that I won't ever find a career that I can actually do and that fills the void. I didn't have other prospects and I put so much money into this course, it's very hard to cope at the moment

Reply 7

sa00109102

Original post by Beavis46

I can only imagine how you feel. But don't allow yourself to think that you're the sum total of your efforts. You're not a failure for failing, and you haven't wasted your time, as you gallantly pursued something you wanted to achieve. The only day you're unable to be happy, look forward and change your life, is the day after you cease to live. I wish you all the best and can only try -my- best to make you feel even 0.1% happier... Please remain in the moment and keep your mind clear of regret and reflection - use what you now know and move forward into a happy future. My -slight- experience comes from having a father who has been depressed about spending 30 years in a career he felt worthless and stuck in.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 8

Beavis46

Thank you, I just need to give it time to heal, I'm worried I'll never find anything that makes up for medicine and I will always regret it, I don't know what to do. I keep breaking down into tears at this temp job I have. It's a job I could have done when I was 17 and it's so humiliating but I can't find any other work.
Some days I don't feel like living, I don't think I was bad enough to not be a doctor but the medical school obviously disagreed. I know it's not their job to help me now but they didn't even check how I was

Reply 9

Complex Simplicity

Original post by Beavis46

You should take AJ Smiles advice and do nursing. Your knowledge won't be wasted, its fully funded so the cost won't be an issue and the pay progression is very generous compared with a lot of other professions. Moreover if you are lucky enough to one day be a nursing consultant your pay would be very high (60k plus)

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Reply 10

brightcitylights

Which uni are you at?

Reply 11

Beavis46

Original post by brightcitylights

Which uni are you at?

I'd rather not say as I'd rather be anonymous and it'd be very easy to work out if I name the uni, I'm not sure why it matters where I studied though.
I attempted suicide two days ago, I've no history of depression. I'm in a psych ward now but I'm actually ok, I felt like the past few
years were all fake and didn't mean anything despite getting into medical school, my friends from the course didn't bother checking in to say hello because I guess they never really liked me that much anyway. I'm glad I didn't die, I wish I wasn't 30 in a few days though and with no career direction.
im feeling ok, it's weird how I've got more compassion from an anonymous message board than I have from the staff and students of a place I studied at for 3 years

Reply 12

lawpiglet

Hi there,

I've not been in your exact situation, but I know you must be feeling dreadful beyond words.

I gave up a high status career some years ago to downsize and live in a lovely place. It then took me three years to get a job, and all I could get was cleaning and bar-staff jobs as potential employers assumed I was over-qualified/wouldn't be able to talk to 'ordinary' people/must be a mad axe murderer or embezzler to have given up my career for a better lifestyle. I then did very low status minimum wage jobs for 2 years until finally I was able to get the kind of thing I was after: a job with a living wage in a lovely place that enables me to live where I want to live and not to be a slave to my career.

Those 5 years were very difficult, but I took the view that I just had to keep on trying. When you're feeling better I'm sure you'll come round and take the same view. You'd not have been able to get into graduate medicine in the first place if you were not a very determined and focussed person, and you are still that determined, focussed, intelligent person. You've had a real kick in the teeth, but you will come back. It will probably take a while, but I am sure it will happen if you stick with things. I'm older than you, and so I can look back and see how significantly things can change.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've had no help from your fellow students. It's possible that they don't care, but I think more likely they don't know what to say/how to react. I hope that one or two will be able to get past that point and approach you in friendship with support.

I'll certainly be thinking of you, and wishing the best for you. Chin up: things will improve.

PP x

Reply 13

vortex_199

Original post by Beavis46

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm glad that you are here though and talking it through.

With regards to other career options, what was it you liked and disliked about medicine? If it is the aspect of being a caregiver that you enjoyed, then I echo the suggestion that you try another healthcare degree, such as nursing, midwifery, occupational therapy, physiotherapy, medical physiology, radiology, dietetics and so on. If you are tired of the medical scene but want a similar path, there is social work too.

If you were more drawn to the science side of things then maybe a degree in biomedical sciences, biomedical engineering or pharmacy?

I think that drawing up a pros and cons list of your experience studying medicine will help you get a clear picture of your strengths and weaknesses, which might come in handy with figuring out the next chapter of your life.

You can make a huge difference to people's lives without being a doctor. I'm a HCA during the holidays and despite this job requiring no qualifications, I see how grateful patients are and how I can positively impact their lives.

Whatever you decide, there are a whole lot of people who will benefit and be grateful for you. Even if it doesn't seem like that right now.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 14

tangled23

Hi I just wanted to see how you are doing? x

Reply 15

Bekkk

Hello, I'm just wondering how you are doing now that several years have passed? I hope that you have recovered from all the trauma and I am so, so sorry to hear how low you felt. I just wanted to say that I have also been in the same situation- I was on a graduate program which was unsupportive and would even say 'brutal' in their handling of my failure, however likewise I am still ultimately the one to blame. I suffered regular anxiety attacks and by the end of the year I stopped going in to lectures but continued to walk around with a smile on my face and never told a soul about how behind I had become, and I only have myself to blame for my lack of insight.

I spent 7 years wanting to be a doctor, since the age of 15. I put aside any other career goals, endless summers revising for GAMSATs and working as a healthcare assistant, and after I had to leave medical school I found myself at square one. It's been almost a year since I found out I failed and I still become emotional occasionally about the whole future I lost and how much I invested in it. There is something very unique about the all-encompassing and almost sacrificial nature of becoming a doctor that leads people to invest so much in it that the loss is really very painful. The other thing about doing medicine and even before that, having medicine as your goal, is that it becomes so embedded in your identity. After medical school, I genuinely had no idea how to identify myself, which was something I could never have imagined would be a problem. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I even somewhat based my measure of my intelligence on it- it was finally some proof that I may have been cleverer than I thought I was. It doesn't help that there is a terrible shame around failing, and there are so few support networks for people who understand.

However, things are getting easier. I went in to work for a charity, although I found this difficult after the fast-paced nature of the course and I have often felt quite stifled with nowhere to place my ambition and desire to help people. However, my mental health has improved massively from taking some time out to focus on the things I enjoy. It's also liberating, for the first time in my life I had freedom to pick whichever job I feel like, in whichever location without being tied to years of studying and without having a terrible fear that if I didn't fail now then I'd only fail later. Future-wise, I have been considering a career as a Physician's Associate in a few years' time when I'm ready to approach university again, but I'm wary in case working with doctors makes me bitter and although I know that this will be an equally valuable job, I want to whole-heartedly enjoy it without comparing it to what could have been.

I'm just wondering how you have got on? I would love to hear some encouragement that things do continue to get better. Really hoping you got back on your feet and found enough love and encouragement to remind you that you are worth something even though this experience made you feel this way. All the best x

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

So sorry to hear - any update?

Reply 17

asif007

OP, I was in exactly your position a few years ago. What you've written is pretty much identical to what I would have written back then. It took me a long time but I've come out stronger on the other side and turned a horrible traumatic experience into something hopeful. The grief never leaves you, but it gets easier as time goes on. I feel I can offer you some advice - I see that you haven't been active in a while, but if you happen to read this then please PM. You probably need someone who will listen.

Same applies for anyone else in a similar position, come and have a chat with me about bouncing back from failure. :smile: