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Fresher's Mom

my daughter has just started uni, she unfortunately did not get accommodation in halls and is in a privately rented house with 5 other students, whom she didnt know prior to moving in. She is extremely unhappy and feels that she cant make friends and embrace the whole uni experience because she is not in halls.

she is seriously considering quitting the course and coming home as she is so unhappy.

ive tried all the usual 'mum' type solutions/advice..... can anyone help at all??

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She really needs to contact the uni and sort this out. She shouldn't have to sacrifice her education and future for this, and shouldn't let it get to her. I hope you sort this out soon :smile:
Reply 2
I think she needs to mature a little bit. University is about getting a degree, not about partying and drinking.
Besides there's no reason why she can't take part just because she isn't in halls.


Slightly ridiculous IMO.
Original post by freshersmom
my daughter has just started uni, she unfortunately did not get accommodation in halls and is in a privately rented house with 5 other students, whom she didnt know prior to moving in. She is extremely unhappy and feels that she cant make friends and embrace the whole uni experience because she is not in halls.

she is seriously considering quitting the course and coming home as she is so unhappy.

ive tried all the usual 'mum' type solutions/advice..... can anyone help at all??


Agree with bubble 999

DOes she just not like the people in the house - because they are in the same boat - ie not in halls. Being at uni is not all about being in halls though - it is about joining in the activities. I would suggest that she speak to the accommodation office - there will be students who leave in the first few weeks and there will be places coming free.

I do feel for you though - it is rotten when they feel down and you want to just give them a big hug and make it feel better
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by CM19
I think she needs to mature a little bit. University is about getting a degree, not about partying and drinking.
Besides there's no reason why she can't take part just because she isn't in halls.


Slightly ridiculous IMO.


I agree, but it's scientifically proven you generally do better and succeed when you are happy. I'm not saying partying all the time, but having people around you can talk to and trust etc.

Yes, she should be making the effort to bond with these people - but if she can't then the best thing to do is sort it out now, rather than when it's too late :smile:
Reply 5
im in the exact same situation as she is. Only im thinking the opposite. Sure halls are fun , you are embedded into the university life and campus. BUT thats not to say living privately changes that. I live in accomodation about 15 minutes away from the uni , i have no problem in joining freshers events and whatnot. The main issue i have though is university is not one big party. It is a serious step forward developing as an educated forwardthinker. She needs to be told that she isnt paying 9000 for partying , she is there for a degree.

Strongly urge her to join societies. Itll seriously give her something to look forward to. Also , when exam times come , and she needs to be studying in a quieter place , living privately suddenly isnt looking too bad :wink:
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by freshersmom
my daughter has just started uni, she unfortunately did not get accommodation in halls and is in a privately rented house with 5 other students, whom she didnt know prior to moving in. She is extremely unhappy and feels that she cant make friends and embrace the whole uni experience because she is not in halls.

she is seriously considering quitting the course and coming home as she is so unhappy.

ive tried all the usual 'mum' type solutions/advice..... can anyone help at all??


I partly understand what your daughter is saying regarding not living on campus. I lived at home whilst at my last University, and felt like I couldn't socialise as much, but I lived an hour and a half away from the University.

She needs to put herself out there. If she isn't making an effort to meet people and make friends, then she won't make any friends at all. She can't sit in her room, wondering why she has no friends, if she isn't doing anything to make friends. The further she gets in to her course, the harder it'll be to make friends.

She should join some societies at her university, perhaps a course related one and then something she is interested in. She should go to events and such as well. She needs to put herself out there.

The issue here is that she would have signed an agreement to be in her student house for a period of time, for which she is liable for the rent. She would have to pay this rent, whether she quits or stays.

Personally, I think she should stick it out. It's only been a handful of weeks. She needs to get involved. Spend more time at the university, rather than going home straight away after lectures etc. Once she makes friends, if they live in halls she could stop over in their room for the night, meaning she won't miss out on socialising.

An important thing to note here, however, is that whilst university may be about the experience and so forth, it is more about education and getting a degree. If she was to drop out of her course, she would only have enough funding left for a degree... no more false starts or re-sit years or anything.

She needs to think what is more important to her; a degree, or having some fun for a couple of years?
Reply 7
Being a mum of a fresher who is currently unhappy, I sympathise! But my daughter is in halls and feeling lonely. Her flatmates are partying and drinking heavily and smoking weed and keeping her awake at 4.00 in the morning. As she is fairly quiet in nature she is struggling. She has put in for a swop but who knows if she will be able to. So tell your daughter halls aren't the be all and end all and there is no reason why she can't have a great time with the other students in her house. Get her to join some societies, my daughter has done this to try and make friends. As for me, I am having sleepless nights as I can't bear to think of her feeling lonely! I do hope yr daughter settles soon.
Original post by freshersmom
my daughter has just started uni, she unfortunately did not get accommodation in halls and is in a privately rented house with 5 other students, whom she didnt know prior to moving in. She is extremely unhappy and feels that she cant make friends and embrace the whole uni experience because she is not in halls.

she is seriously considering quitting the course and coming home as she is so unhappy.

ive tried all the usual 'mum' type solutions/advice..... can anyone help at all??

There are people at my university whom are living off campus yet still come into flat parties in halls. There is nothing stopping your daughter as long as she is a member of the university. She sounds like she just needs to meet some nice people. I don't think going home because of this is necessary, there are plenty of ways around it :smile:
Reply 9
Hey! Just to say that I've moved your post to university life :smile:
I think you might need to look at this as simple homesickness rather than a 'not living in Halls' issue.

Lots of students have the idea that they will make wild and astonishing friendships as soon as they arrive at Uni or that its like living in a permanent Ibiza style party week where no-one ever feels lonely. Consequently when they get here, and face the reality of not having the social reassurance of familiar friends/Mum & Dad etc, they tend to blame 'something else' rather than the bigger issue of being homesick or even not 'grown-up enough for Uni yet'.

However concerned you may be about her (and that's natural) resist the temptation to 'make it all better' by encouraging her to come home or spending hours on the phone sympathizing with her. She needs to take control of this herself - and to go to the Accom Office or get involved in 'Uni stuff' a bit more herself. Friendships and feeling 'at home' takes a while - for some people right into their 2nd year - and constantly seeing home as a rescue centre wont help her make the adjustment.
Have you contacted the university to see if there have been any cancellations in the rooms or any spaces at all? Although I was already in halls, I couldn't make friends easily in my flat as I had nothing in common with them, they were all older than me (I was 17) and most of them were international students and everyone shut themselves in their rooms. So my mum phoned up the accommodation office/student help office and I requested a transfer and there was an open space! Now I am getting on so well, best of luck :smile:


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Original post by freshersmom
my daughter has just started uni, she unfortunately did not get accommodation in halls and is in a privately rented house with 5 other students, whom she didnt know prior to moving in. She is extremely unhappy and feels that she cant make friends and embrace the whole uni experience because she is not in halls.

she is seriously considering quitting the course and coming home as she is so unhappy.

ive tried all the usual 'mum' type solutions/advice..... can anyone help at all??



If I am honest I didn't make close friends with the people I lived in halls. In fact, I couldn't wait to leave halls and move to a house with people who didn't knock on my door at 4am when I had 9am lectures. Living in halls was not a magic experience and I was not automatically included if I didn't put the effort in myself. My flat mates had different interests, and although we got on well, we only rarely socialised with each other as we were quite different.

However, I joined Societies and met people on my course with whom I could walk to lectures. I also met people within my course through groupwork that we have done and going to social events that were organised by my uni. There are PLENTY of ways to get involved at university, living in halls is not the be all and end all. Like I said, my lasting friendships have mostly stemmed from outside of halls.


Original post by benfan
Being a mum of a fresher who is currently unhappy, I sympathise! But my daughter is in halls and feeling lonely. Her flatmates are partying and drinking heavily and smoking weed and keeping her awake at 4.00 in the morning. As she is fairly quiet in nature she is struggling. She has put in for a swop but who knows if she will be able to. So tell your daughter halls aren't the be all and end all and there is no reason why she can't have a great time with the other students in her house. Get her to join some societies, my daughter has done this to try and make friends. As for me, I am having sleepless nights as I can't bear to think of her feeling lonely! I do hope yr daughter settles soon.


It may be possible to get your daughter moved to another block, if this becomes available. Speak to the accommodation office perhaps? That isn't to say that will be any better, it is the luck of the draw. Is there some sort of warden or other staff who works there at night? She could possibly complain about them, but I she might worry about that. I had a similar problem with people keeping me awake. I ended up asking them to be quieter so I could sleep, and they respected the fact I wasn't big on partying and was incredibly unhappy if they kept me awake all night! I would also wear ear plugs to drown out some of the sound. It usually calms down after a few weeks as the novelty (or finances) of partying every night tend to wear off for most people!

Uni is a brilliant experience, but unfortunately is never perfect!
My first year at uni was spent in a house with three strangers, who I am now still very good friends with nearly 5 years later. I had a wonderful time and didn't miss out at all by not being in halls. She can make friends with people off her course, who can then introduce her to people they live with and all sorts of friend making opportunities present. She will have a wonderful time!
Original post by freshersmom
my daughter has just started uni, she unfortunately did not get accommodation in halls and is in a privately rented house with 5 other students, whom she didnt know prior to moving in. She is extremely unhappy and feels that she cant make friends and embrace the whole uni experience because she is not in halls.

she is seriously considering quitting the course and coming home as she is so unhappy.

ive tried all the usual 'mum' type solutions/advice..... can anyone help at all??


Just as easy to end up in halls with the crowd from hell (in terms of your daughters perception) on the same landing or even the whole block. None of which the student will have met before moving in.







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Reply 15
Original post by SilverstarDJ
If I am honest I didn't make close friends with the people I lived in halls. In fact, I couldn't wait to leave halls and move to a house with people who didn't knock on my door at 4am when I had 9am lectures. Living in halls was not a magic experience and I was not automatically included if I didn't put the effort in myself. My flat mates had different interests, and although we got on well, we only rarely socialised with each other as we were quite different.

However, I joined Societies and met people on my course with whom I could walk to lectures. I also met people within my course through groupwork that we have done and going to social events that were organised by my uni. There are PLENTY of ways to get involved at university, living in halls is not the be all and end all. Like I said, my lasting friendships have mostly stemmed from outside of halls.




It may be possible to get your daughter moved to another block, if this becomes available. Speak to the accommodation office perhaps? That isn't to say that will be any better, it is the luck of the draw. Is there some sort of warden or other staff who works there at night? She could possibly complain about them, but I she might worry about that. I had a similar problem with people keeping me awake. I ended up asking them to be quieter so I could sleep, and they respected the fact I wasn't big on partying and was incredibly unhappy if they kept me awake all night! I would also wear ear plugs to drown out some of the sound. It usually calms down after a few weeks as the novelty (or finances) of partying every night tend to wear off for most people!

Uni is a brilliant experience, but unfortunately is never perfect!


Thank you for your reply! My daughter has put in for a swop and is talking to a few people re viewing their flats so with any luck she may change soon, fingers crossed it will be better for her.
Reply 16
Well little princess could adapt and make the most out of the situation...

You know, unless there is a serious problem with the house i.e infestation, messy flatmates
I hope your daughter is feeling a little happier now. As freshers comes to an end and lectures start students settle down a little and start to work. If she makes an effort to talk to people and invite them for coffee she will begin to make friends. She can apply for a swap and if the university are not helpful the students union will have lots of experience of this sort of thing.

Dont let her run home too often as the best time to socialise is often the weekend.
Reply 18
1/4 of first years at my uni don't get into halls. And from what I've heard from older students at various unis is that they prefer living out of halls. Is she with other first years ? what about the gender mix ?
Original post by CM19
I think she needs to mature a little bit. University is about getting a degree, not about partying and drinking.
Besides there's no reason why she can't take part just because she isn't in halls.


Slightly ridiculous IMO.


agreed - tell her to woman up and get a grip

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