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Am I In Love Or Simply Infatuated?

I am nineteen going on twenty. The person who I “love” is two months my junior. We met (a term I use loosely as I do not think we have actually spoken) when we were both twelve through school as most people that age do. I remember thinking then that he was handsome, that he seemed nice and wondering what he would be like as a boyfriend. It was understated at first, butterflies, nervousness, daydreaming; simple things associated with the sort of calf-love that most young teenagers feel at that age. It went on as such until I left school at sixteen, then I began to dream of him. Nothing salacious, sometimes I would just see him in the background, or he would hold my hand, touch my face.

Now that we no longer attend school, I seldom see him – usually once a month if I am lucky – normally waiting for or exiting a bus or walking to and from work. I never say anything to him; I do not think I have even offered him a smile before. But recently, this once innocent feeling has intensified. I swoon and sigh. I feel one moment delirious and complete and the next wistful and hollow. I think constantly of ways I could engage him in conversation but dismiss them as impossible – he is beautiful and I am plain, I would frighten him of if I just approached after so much time, practically a stranger, and if we wanted an interaction would he himself not have begun it after eight years?

Yet, I am also happy with just the thought of him, with my musings and longings but, at the same time, I wish him to remain in a state of constant singledom, which of course, is simply horrible. I cannot hope for him to remain single to pacify my wild delusions nor do I want to have that “If I can’t have you then no one can” sort of mentality. And yet, how do I know if I really love him? I think that I do. I am positive, I feel that it is unmistakable, but how can I be certain? I am really in love with him as a person, this man who I barely know and have never spoken to? Or I am just in love with the idea of him, with my own mind’s image of him? Will this feeling fade? And what is the difference between pure love and infatuation?

Reply 1

SamEngman

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." Marcus Aurelius

Your eloquent and articulate post suggest you are a gentle soul, but don't berate yourself. You may think yourself plain but others may see you as beautiful in their eyes. How do you know your advance will be snubbed if you don't try. A brief encounter may be the catalyst to something better. Have you thought maybe eight years ago the object of your affection was not ready for a relationship. For many, studies can take precedence during adolescence. Now that he is older he may be receptive and willing if only you'd try.

You can yearn and long for him all you want but without courage and the acceptance that your feelings may not be reciprocated it will all just be a dream. To feel such intensity towards someone and not do anything about it will only cause regret. For now you are clearly infatuated with this person since your feelings are one-sided. Until he forms an emotional attachment with you will that infatuation turn to love.

I wish you all the best.

Reply 2

justmyself

How can you love someone you've never spoken to?
I think you're infatuated with the idea of him, because you don't really know him as a person so you cannot love him, imo.
There's this image of him that you have in your mind but really, if you speak to him, there might be a chance for that idea to shatter.
You should just speak to him, it'd be brilliant if he was a great person and you never know what you might get out of it!