Don't click with flatmates
As the title says, I don't really click with my flatmates. I can talk to them but it's mainly small talk. They seem to get on much better with each other with their own private jokes which leave me feeling like an outsider. This is also causing me to feel more and more homesick and is kind of ruining my uni experience. My expectations were I was going to make some awesome mates on my floor who I'd spend most of the time chilling with, but I just don't enjoy hanging out with them for the reasons above. I'm not sure what to do really...
Honestly I don't think that this need be a bad thing, as long as relations are cordial.
What you're seeing at the moment (and I take it you're a fresher) is a kind of lifeboats circumstance with people clinging on to who they can get. It was never at all likely that the 5 best friendships you could forge at university would be with people assigned you by the accommodations computer and the fact that you're ready to say "they're not my thing" is perhaps evidence of a confidence in you.
It can get a bit much to be living with the people with whom you're to be doing all your socialising, and still moreso when these were not chosen. Strains show themselves when you're sharing a fridge and a bathroom or dependent on someone else's good graces for a decent sleep before a test.
This can be difficult to see in the first few weeks and at 18, yes. But when I did my MA, I was put into a shared flat with three others and thought "they're nice enough people but we're too different that we'll really be best buds", I recognised that as ideal.
What you're seeing at the moment (and I take it you're a fresher) is a kind of lifeboats circumstance with people clinging on to who they can get. It was never at all likely that the 5 best friendships you could forge at university would be with people assigned you by the accommodations computer and the fact that you're ready to say "they're not my thing" is perhaps evidence of a confidence in you.
It can get a bit much to be living with the people with whom you're to be doing all your socialising, and still moreso when these were not chosen. Strains show themselves when you're sharing a fridge and a bathroom or dependent on someone else's good graces for a decent sleep before a test.
This can be difficult to see in the first few weeks and at 18, yes. But when I did my MA, I was put into a shared flat with three others and thought "they're nice enough people but we're too different that we'll really be best buds", I recognised that as ideal.
find some new friends. honestly university has thousands of people. i am sure you can find friends among them if you join societies, sports team, people from your course and maybe even your tutor group.
I think the fact that I can't really have proper conversations with them as they're always just talking about gossip. So I just don't feel as if I fit in with them at all which is causing me to feel lonely, as sad as it is to admit. I understand that the chances of being put into a flat with my ideal flatmates is very slim. I just feel outcasted and I don't enjoy spending time with them in the kitchen at all.
My first year at uni I was miserable with my two flatmates, they quickly became best friends and were very clique-ish and snobby to me. 2nd year I moved house in with another girl who is very nice and we move in different friend circles but get on well and can have a decent conversation about issues without them blowing up into personality clashes.
I wouldn't rely on being best mates with flatmates -- I prefer not having to live with my best friends! -- but if yours are making you feel bad, making you not want to go downstairs or even come home, it is worth trying to shift. I'd give it a month or so and see.
I wouldn't rely on being best mates with flatmates -- I prefer not having to live with my best friends! -- but if yours are making you feel bad, making you not want to go downstairs or even come home, it is worth trying to shift. I'd give it a month or so and see.
Original post by CoffeeTable
I think the fact that I can't really have proper conversations with them as they're always just talking about gossip. So I just don't feel as if I fit in with them at all which is causing me to feel lonely, as sad as it is to admit. I understand that the chances of being put into a flat with my ideal flatmates is very slim. I just feel outcasted and I don't enjoy spending time with them in the kitchen at all.
By gossip do you mean gossiping about other people, or tabloid/pop culture sort of gossip?
Original post by CoffeeTable
I think the fact that I can't really have proper conversations with them as they're always just talking about gossip. So I just don't feel as if I fit in with them at all which is causing me to feel lonely, as sad as it is to admit. I understand that the chances of being put into a flat with my ideal flatmates is very slim. I just feel outcasted and I don't enjoy spending time with them in the kitchen at all.
Which college are you in?
You don't expect to immediately be bestfriends with your flatmates. It may take time or you may just end up being civil. As you as you don't rub each other up the wrong way it'll be fine. You'll meet loads of people in your course and in societies. You just need to make an effort to leave the flat. Last year I liked my flatmates well enough but my friends come from different places now.
I'm in my third year in student accommodation and I only ever 'clicked' with the people I was in the first time. I barely exchanged a word with my flatmates last year.
To be honest, I prefer to have a slight distance between myself and my flatmates. The closer you get to your flatmates, the more at risk you are from having your living environment becoming terribly awkward because you fell out.
If they're tidy and quiet, that's plenty for me. I'll exchange pleasantries with them on my way out to meet the friends I've made elsewhere in the university.
To be honest, I prefer to have a slight distance between myself and my flatmates. The closer you get to your flatmates, the more at risk you are from having your living environment becoming terribly awkward because you fell out.
If they're tidy and quiet, that's plenty for me. I'll exchange pleasantries with them on my way out to meet the friends I've made elsewhere in the university.
Original post by CoffeeTable
As the title says, I don't really click with my flatmates. I can talk to them but it's mainly small talk. They seem to get on much better with each other with their own private jokes which leave me feeling like an outsider. This is also causing me to feel more and more homesick and is kind of ruining my uni experience. My expectations were I was going to make some awesome mates on my floor who I'd spend most of the time chilling with, but I just don't enjoy hanging out with them for the reasons above. I'm not sure what to do really...
I actually went through this on my first year of uni. It was awful and on top of that they were the worst flatmates - they were messy, loud and inconsiderate.
My advice to you is to just make other friends, don't force it. As someone said, if the relationship is cordial then don't bother.
Original post by tabbycatt
My first year at uni I was miserable with my two flatmates, they quickly became best friends and were very clique-ish and snobby to me. 2nd year I moved house in with another girl who is very nice and we move in different friend circles but get on well and can have a decent conversation about issues without them blowing up into personality clashes.
I wouldn't rely on being best mates with flatmates -- I prefer not having to live with my best friends! -- but if yours are making you feel bad, making you not want to go downstairs or even come home, it is worth trying to shift. I'd give it a month or so and see.
I wouldn't rely on being best mates with flatmates -- I prefer not having to live with my best friends! -- but if yours are making you feel bad, making you not want to go downstairs or even come home, it is worth trying to shift. I'd give it a month or so and see.
Same. I don't live with friends because I'm a very considerate person and the only way I'm going go get the best out of my flatmates is if they're not so close to me. If that makes sense.
Original post by katyness
I actually went through this on my first year of uni. It was awful and on top of that they were the worst flatmates - they were messy, loud and inconsiderate.
My advice to you is to just make other friends, don't force it. As someone said, if the relationship is cordial then don't bother.
My advice to you is to just make other friends, don't force it. As someone said, if the relationship is cordial then don't bother.
What did you do to deal with the messiness and loudness? I have the exact same problem.
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Original post by Envelopes
What did you do to deal with the messiness and loudness? I have the exact same problem.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I reported to the accommodation people many times before and they didn't do anything so I started to fight fire with fire. Granted that didn't change anything but at least I didn't feel like they were walking all over me.
Original post by katyness
I reported to the accommodation people many times before and they didn't do anything so I started to fight fire with fire. Granted that didn't change anything but at least I didn't feel like they were walking all over me.
haha, that is fair enough. I wonder if all accommodation managers are the same and just dont bother.
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