The Student Room Group

Struggling to settle in at uni? Info post and megathread

At this time of year, we see a lot of people who find that uni isn’t quite what they’d hoped, or that they’re struggling to adapt, and invariably the same advice is given out over and over again, so…

I feel like I haven’t made any [good] friends yet
Making friends always takes time, and it does require work. Flatmates are always the first people that you meet, but they don’t have to be your best friends at all there are plenty of other people to make friends with at uni.

But everyone else around me looks like they’ve already made fantastic friends!
It’s largely showmanship / being an extrovert. Very often those who look happy are simply covering up homesickness because they aren’t keen on expressing their emotions. I can assure you that 95% of them aren’t feeling at home yet either :wink:

So where can I make friends?
Most people find that there are three main sources of friends
- Halls not just your own flat, but surrounding ones too. For instance, if your flatmates aren’t being very sociable, then you can always knock on the door of a neighbouring flat and say “Hi my name is X, my flatmates don’t want to go out tonight, so I wondered if I could join you guys tonight?”. Most people just want to make more friends, and it really does operate on a ‘more the merrier’ principle, especially at the beginning of the year.
- Course make sure you talk to people, invite them to house parties and so on. Quite apart from the social aspect, it will reap dividends later on when you need to copy up lecture notes, or get a group together for group work.
- Societies it’s much easier to make friends with people who share an interest with you.
- Work - many businesses near to unis (and indeed, unis themselves) will employ significant numbers of students. You'll find that you have to talk to your colleagues, and have the shared subject of work / annoying customers / dreadful boss etc. to moan about. Workplaces have socials too, and having a job also enhances your employability later on (and you'll have money now!)
- And as time goes on, you invariably find that you make friends with friends of friends indeed, that’s how I met most of my friends.

Any particular tips for making friends?
- Talk to people! Sitting in your room alone, moping, won’t make you friends
- Never pass up a social invitation after a while, people stop asking
- Join a society, so that you can meet like-minded people
- Remember that everyone is just as nervous as you are, and they're probably hoping that you'll strike up conversation

My flatmates are truly, unliveably dreadful
This can happen sometimes when you put together eight or so randomers, sometimes there are just incompatible people. Do remember that very few flats all get along like a house on fire, so if you’ve got one or two good friends in halls, then that’s fairly average.

However, if your flatmates are collectively making you miserable, then you can speak to your uni about swapping halls. This is usually possible, as spaces do open up, but there’s often a cooling off period (e.g. my uni makes you wait two weeks from moving in, to give you time to settle in).

It’s too noisy in halls
This is the noisiest it will ever be. Over time, people find that bank accounts dwindle and the novelty of drinking starts to wear off.

In the meantime, many people find that earplugs are a good option, but if people are being truly objectionable (e.g. banging on doors, as opposed to just holding pre-drinks and chattering loudly near your bedroom) then do speak to them and ask if they can avoid doing it in future.

Everyone keeps going on nights out, but I don’t drink
There’s a massive difference between people who don’t drink, and people who refuse to be around others who are drinking. I have a lot of friends who don’t drink, but have a full and active social life, because they still come out with the rest of us, but just drink coke / lemonade / something soft. No one cares that they aren’t drinking not us, not the bar staff, not the bouncers. You don’t have to be drunk to go to a pub / bar / club. However, drinking is the mainstay of British student’s social life, so you are making your own life harder if you refuse to go into social situations that involve others drinking alcohol.

Societies vary in the extent to which they revolve around alcohol. Clearly the Beer Society has a significant drinking element, and sports socs do tend to have quite a lot of alcohol fuelled socials (though note the point above about going but not drinking). On the other hand, you get other societies where alcohol is only a very peripheral part of the experience often volunteering / fundraising socs, but plenty of others too, so there are still options available to you.

Am I the only one who feels homesick?
Definitely not. Around 70% of students experience it in the early days, though many do their best not to show it outwardly.

Speak to the other people around you there’s a good chance that they’re feeling homesick (and even if they aren’t, they’re likely to be sympathetic).

What’s the best way of combatting homesickness?
Keep busy! Make sure that you find lots of things to do at uni nights out, societies, part time work, degree work, volunteering etc. Anything that will keep you busy, keep your mind off things and help you to find things and people at uni that you enjoy will help.

Try to find at least one fun thing to do every week that you couldn't have / wouldn't have done at home. This can be anything from going to a public lecture / talk (you'd be surprised who will turn up to talk to relatively small groups of students) to exploring a new bit of the city centre to trying a society thing out on a one-off basis (why not go skydiving?) to something really simple like feeding the ducks at the park.

The worst thing to do is to sit and mope in your room it’s never helpful, ever.

How about going home every weekend?
It’s fine to visit your family, but try not to go home every weekend. I know people who have gone home every weekend, and they tend to find that they never quite make the close friendships that they’d hoped, because they’re never there on the weekend when a lot of the fun stuff happens.

Try to last until reading week before you go home, but if you’re really struggling, then try going home every fortnight, then every three weeks, then every four weeks and so on, until you’re only going home once or twice a semester, plus holidays. Intersperse that with phone calls, Skype and emails to help you get through.

Can my university offer me any support?
Yes! Many universities have a Nightline, which is a service that allows you to talk over the phone to another, trained, student. They’ve been through it themselves, and they’ve spoken to plenty of other people just like you, so do give them a call if you think it might help.

Many universities also have a counselling service, which is provided free and with much shorter waiting times than NHS services.

You can also talk to your pastoral tutor in halls, or your academic advisor. They’ve seen it all before, and know exactly how your uni can help :wink:

I’m not sure I like my course
Firstly, it’s important to think about what has changed since you applied for / firmed this course. You liked it then, so what’s changed? Sometimes people can get various feelings of ‘I don’t feel comfortable at uni’ confused with feelings of ‘I don’t like my course’, so try to separate out the two feelings in your head.

Very often universities will allow you to switch courses early on in the year, or (if they are closely related, and you have done all the compulsory modules for the new degree) at the end of first year. Do consider if this is something that would help. If you’re thinking of switching courses, then speak to your personal tutor / academic advisor.

Finally, it gets better. I’ve seen multiple people so homesick that they’ve been on the verge of dropping out and going home again. Without exception, a few months later they have settled in, found friends and are generally enjoying themselves. Indeed, one friend in particular came within an inch of dropping out on more times than I care to remember, but now tell s me how much he misses uni every time he goes home for the holidays, and has been known to return to uni early from the holidays :wink:

Has anyone else got any tips for dealing with moving to uni and settling in?
(edited 10 years ago)

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It's my third day and I want to drop out of uni. I hate it so much, the environment, the people, everything. The thought of going back tomorrow is... awful. I have no energy to do it. I have no friends there, my social anxiety is pretty bad and I just feel so depressed about the whole thing. Dropping out just seems the only way I'll be able to breathe again.

What do you think? Is it too early?
Reply 2
Speak with Welfare. Or take a look at the situation yourself. Is it because it's new and because you've had months off but now you're back in education you don't want to do it.

No it is not too early to drop out. But it will cost you £3,000.
Reply 3
Original post by Maid Marian
It's my third day and I want to drop out of uni. I hate it so much, the environment, the people, everything. The thought of going back tomorrow is... awful. I have no energy to do it. I have no friends there, my social anxiety is pretty bad and I just feel so depressed about the whole thing. Dropping out just seems the only way I'll be able to breathe again.

What do you think? Is it too early?


Which university is this? Could tell us all about the kind of environment you're in.
Reply 4
Original post by Maid Marian
It's my third day and I want to drop out of uni. I hate it so much, the environment, the people, everything. The thought of going back tomorrow is... awful. I have no energy to do it. I have no friends there, my social anxiety is pretty bad and I just feel so depressed about the whole thing. Dropping out just seems the only way I'll be able to breathe again.

What do you think? Is it too early?


I think you should give it more time have you attended your lectures?
I hated school and if there was an option to drop out at 14 i would but i stuck it out till i was 18 and i think you should persevere as things will improve.
Your at uni to complete a degree to help you get further in the career you want to go keep that in mind.
Reply 5
Don't give up. Have strength and push yourself to go, because you're better than you think you are - you're perfectly able to do the course if you want to; despite the environment and people around you, YOU decide how you deal with outside problems. Don't let them become inside problems.
Original post by Mattheatre
Speak with Welfare. Or take a look at the situation yourself. Is it because it's new and because you've had months off but now you're back in education you don't want to do it.

No it is not too early to drop out. But it will cost you £3,000.



Kind of. I just hate it, hate being around so many people.
If I drop out now, I don't think I'll lose any money because my ID card hasn't registered properly, I'm not "officially" at the uni yet, by their books, even though I am!

Original post by T_x
Which university is this? Could tell us all about the kind of environment you're in.


I don't really wanna say in case I'm recognised, but I'd have the same problem wherever I was, I think. :frown: I hate being with people my own age, there's so much peer pressure. Everyone's made little groups already and I'm all on my own! :sad: Then there's the course, the independent study. I can't do it, I'm so unmotivated.

Original post by chikane
I think you should give it more time have you attended your lectures?
I hated school and if there was an option to drop out at 14 i would but i stuck it out till i was 18 and i think you should persevere as things will improve.
Your at uni to complete a degree to help you get further in the career you want to go keep that in mind.


I attended most of them but missed two. I missed one today because I felt like I was about to throw up so I came home.
I wish I could persevere, but the option of dropping out is just too tempting. If I go back tomorrow, I think I will be sick. I've been literally holding back the tears in all of my lectures and walking around campus. I'm so unhappy there.
I'm not bothered about having a great career, I don't even know what I'd do with my degree once I got it. :frown:
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by sa00109102
Don't give up. Have strength and push yourself to go, because you're better than you think you are - you're perfectly able to do the course if you want to; despite the environment and people around you, YOU decide how you deal with outside problems. Don't let them become inside problems.


I'm doing Maths, though. :frown: I can't do it without help, I always had help at school :frown: I hate how things are so independent at uni. I'm struggling already, how on earth could I cope over three years :frown:
If you're gonna run away from every problem in life, you won't go far-that's what my head teacher always used to say in assembly but it's true.

Uni may seem daunting at first with the changes, but stick at it! Remember the reasons you came to uni. You have a lot of opportunities , so go and grab it. Everyone is in the same boat.
Original post by Maid Marian
It's my third day and I want to drop out of uni. I hate it so much, the environment, the people, everything. The thought of going back tomorrow is... awful. I have no energy to do it. I have no friends there, my social anxiety is pretty bad and I just feel so depressed about the whole thing. Dropping out just seems the only way I'll be able to breathe again.

What do you think? Is it too early?


Dude if youre going to drop out do it now save the yourself the fee. If you're on their books then I feel for you because then you'd feel obliged to stay to get your moneys worth.
Original post by Maid Marian
I'm doing Maths, though. :frown: I can't do it without help, I always had help at school :frown: I hate how things are so independent at uni. I'm struggling already, how on earth could I cope over three years :frown:

Give it more time, it's way too early to even think about dropping out, how can you possibly know whether you'll cope over three years when you've only spend three days there? Calm down, you need time to adjust to things, that's understandable. I felt almost the same way when I first went to boarding school, I felt home sick all the time, nothing would've made me happier than just going back. Give it more time, you will get more used to it.

You are going to need to start becoming more independent, in your studies and in your life in general, you won't get nearly as much spoon-feeding that you did at school.
Reply 11
Original post by Maid Marian
I'm doing Maths, though. :frown: I can't do it without help, I always had help at school :frown: I hate how things are so independent at uni. I'm struggling already, how on earth could I cope over three years :frown:


Is maths what you want to be doing? If the course is an issue in addition to the environment, then perhaps you could consider asking to switch to a different course? If you want to do the course and are finding the environment difficult to deal with, it may be an idea to stick it out. Perhaps you dislike the environment because it's new and so far removed from what you're used to? Over time, you may find that you settle into the environment and begin to enjoy yourself.

If your social anxiety is the main issue, you could consider counselling/therapy. Your university (or at least the local area) is likely to have a GP you can visit in order to discuss the problems you're experiencing and hopefully get a referral to a psychiatrist/clinical psychologist/counsellor.

If all else fails, you could consider completing an Open University degree from home. I'd strongly advise speaking to someone at your university (personal tutor, welfare officer, etc.) before dropping out though - it would be awful if you dropped out and ended up regretting it. All the best; I hope you manage to sort everything out! :smile:

EDIT: Why the neg?
(edited 10 years ago)
Drop out and take a year to do something that'll help you with your anxiety/independence issues. Btw, just because you don't have a student card doesn't mean you're not enrolled in the university.
Reply 13
Original post by Maid Marian
I'm doing Maths, though. :frown: I can't do it without help, I always had help at school :frown: I hate how things are so independent at uni. I'm struggling already, how on earth could I cope over three years :frown:


Khan academy and You Tube in general are pretty good for maths. There are loads of examples for pretty much all undergrad courses. You're bound to come across some of them that explain the concepts in a way that you can understand them.

Maths is a great degree to have unless you aren't interested in it, so if it is just a case of the social anxiety then you'll have to deal with this sooner or later, why not sooner?
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 14
I garuentee a week won't go by in your life, if you drop out, which you won't regret , walking out , letting your anxiety get the best of you.

Get some help, therapy.

You need to tackle this HEAD ON.
Are you going to uni for people and the environment or to study? Sort out your priorities mate.
Reply 16
Original post by Maid Marian
I'm doing Maths, though. :frown: I can't do it without help, I always had help at school :frown: I hate how things are so independent at uni. I'm struggling already, how on earth could I cope over three years :frown:


Hmm. But hey, the University clearly thought you were capable of it. Who's opinion would you lend more credence to? :tongue:

Besides, just to echo the advice out here, you should be fine, don't worry. University is inevitably a lot more variegated and diverse than school. If you hold on for just a little while, it is incontrovertible that you'll find people you enjoy being with.

Plus, I think that the above is merely the anxiety talking. You know you will be great. And if you don't, you should.

What problems are you having, specifically?
Original post by Maid Marian
It's my third day and I want to drop out of uni. I hate it so much, the environment, the people, everything. The thought of going back tomorrow is... awful. I have no energy to do it. I have no friends there, my social anxiety is pretty bad and I just feel so depressed about the whole thing. Dropping out just seems the only way I'll be able to breathe again.

What do you think? Is it too early?


Dude, don't drop out this early. You'll regret it and you know you will! If you hate the atmosphere, change the atmosphere, look into getting an accommodation change. Same goes for the people, get out more, go to societies and at the most, get an accommodation change.

Is it worth 9k (plus 3.5k or whatever for your maintenance) for 3 days of Uni? No. Have a perspective of money, have a perspective of long term effects. Don't be a fool
Reply 19
Don't drop out! I've just joined Uni as well, feeling a bit iffy about it, but I'm just going to hang in there and let the partying die down and then hopefully I'll settle in.

Think really carefully if you want a year out - because you're going to have to sort your problems out in that time otherwise the same thing will just happen again next year.

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