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Please give me a mark for this essay(total 20)

This essay is provided by my economics teacher to determine my predict grade, he said this essay only worth not over 10 marks. His request:1. at least 500 words. 2. link to global poverty.

Can the world afford to feed a population that is 7 billion and growing?

Essay Plan: 1. Brief information about current growing global population 2. Explain causes of growing population: -benefits of modern technology (hospitals) which help increasing survival rate of newborn -higher standard of living due to economic growth, more resources to bring up children (housing, education, food etc) 3. Problems of growing population: -scarcity, less resources available per capita, and it increases the threat of running out of non-renewable resources, environmental costs -poverty, after the financial crisis of 2008, many people struggle in housing problems and finding jobs. Living standard has fallen and inequality is rising between rich and poor. Increase in relative poverty, encourages more crime which means more people live in unsafe areas. 4. Solutions: -promote sustainable use of natural resources by education and government campaign (however, it is a long term strategy) -increase government aids on bottom class people, developed countries give international aids to poorer countries (poor countries are too reliant on aids, not working for themselves) -better measure on the economic status for people to foresee their future, making better decisions on having children or not. 5. Conclusion: what do you think eventually.
Last year, the world hit a milestone, which is the world’s population growing to 7 billion, that’s nearly twice the global population in 1970, and it’s growing faster and faster. According to research, the figure will hit 10 billion in 2050. Due to the medical technology has been improved, the death rate of newborn has lowered, high living standard encourage people have one or more child. In some developing countries, such as China and India government encourages people to have more babies in order increase their production. In addition, lack of preventive action lead to an increase in population of Africa. These are the factors of faster growing population. Most people worry the world doesn't have enough food resources to content all the people. It is a true that lots of people starve to death, there is a data indicates 22,000 children that die each day due to starvation. But, the world hunger is extensive in spite of sufficient global food resources, therefore increase food production is useless. The real problem is many people are too poor to buy foods, therefore how to solve poverty problem is the only solution to solve world hunger. There is a figure illustrates the total number of people live on less than $2.50 a day is 3 billion, which nearly half of the whole world population. The case of Somali pirates is an exactly consequence of poverty. Somalia is one of the poorest countries in the world, agriculture is their main source of income, and over 80 per cent of people cannot afford foods and water, so that they start robbing. Lots of other countries in Africa they have the same situations. People have realized that the world can actually feed the substantial quantity of people, but the resources may not be able to fairly distribute to everyone, therefore, while the population growing, the amount of poor people may increase as well. We have established a number of solutions to cut poverty: creating good jobs, raising wages, training the next generation of workers, investing in children, strengthening farmers and offer aid to poor countries. Raising wages is a good solution to prevent poverty, increase people’s living standards, they are able to buy more food, feed their children in a better way, in some countries they don’t have enough capital to carry out this policy, in this case, developed countries will fund them, give them a better life. In order to prevent poor countries rely on the aid, developed countries encourage them used to improve education, and some volunteers also come to their countries for teaching, imparting the knowledge of family planning. The most helpful strategy is investing in children, leading to outcomes such as better high school graduation rates, higher worker productivity and lower rate of violent crime. Can the world afford to feed population that is 7 billion and is growing, the answer is definitely yes. People will be hungry because they cannot afford food, not because the population is growing so fast that food becomes scarce. Hence, solve the poverty can clean up all the hungered problems.
Reply 1
You need to go thru it and check the grammar, improve the English and re-punctuate it. I can't comment on the content but our English teacher would give you 1/10 for SPaG (spelling and grammar)but only if she was having a good day.
Reply 2
I'm sorry but I have to say this, the information is good but your English is just so badly structured. I don't even take English but I strongly believe I can write a lot better than this. Just rephrase and stop using so many commas, I guess I would give it an 11?
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 3
I stopped when you said that Chinese and Indian governments encourage people to have more kids, because that's wrong.
Reply 4
This is hell to read without paragraphs.
Reply 5
The writing is poor - you've just thrown in random commas whenever you feel like it and the sentences are way too short with no development to your points. Also, the Chinese government is trying to control their population by introducing the 1 child policy, not trying to increase their population.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 6
Original post by zhouqijun
This essay is provided by my economics teacher to determine my predict grade, he said this essay only worth not over 10 marks. His request:1. at least 500 words. 2. link to global poverty.

Can the world afford to feed a population that is 7 billion and growing?

Essay Plan: 1. Brief information about current growing global population 2. Explain causes of growing population: -benefits of modern technology (hospitals) which help increasing survival rate of newborn -higher standard of living due to economic growth, more resources to bring up children (housing, education, food etc) 3. Problems of growing population: -scarcity, less resources available per capita, and it increases the threat of running out of non-renewable resources, environmental costs -poverty, after the financial crisis of 2008, many people struggle in housing problems and finding jobs. Living standard has fallen and inequality is rising between rich and poor. Increase in relative poverty, encourages more crime which means more people live in unsafe areas. 4. Solutions: -promote sustainable use of natural resources by education and government campaign (however, it is a long term strategy) -increase government aids on bottom class people, developed countries give international aids to poorer countries (poor countries are too reliant on aids, not working for themselves) -better measure on the economic status for people to foresee their future, making better decisions on having children or not. 5. Conclusion: what do you think eventually.
Last year the world hit a population milestone of 7 billion. That is nearly twice the global population of 1970 and it continues to grow at the increasing rate. According to research, the figure will hit 10 billion in 2050. As the medical technology improved, the death rate of newborns decreased. High living standards encourage people to have more children. In some developing countries, such as China and India, the government encourages people to have more babies in order to increase their production(production of what?). In addition, lack of preventive action (be more specific) led to an increase of African population. These are the factors (what factors? this conclusion is not justified by previous statements) of faster growing population. Most people worry that the countries do not have enough food resources to satisfy all the people. It is a true that a lot of people starve to death. There is data that indicates 22,000 children die each day due to starvation. However, the world hunger is extensive(can you think of a better word to replace extensive) in spite of sufficient global food resources. Therefore, the strategy that involves an increase in food production would be useless in this situation. The real problem is the fact that many people are too poor to afford food supplies. Therefore, in order to end the world hunger, it is essential to manage the problem of poverty. Three billion people live on less than $2.50 a day, which is nearly the half of the whole world population!(reference the figure at the end)The case of Somali pirates is an exactly consequence of poverty(needs rephrasing and source). Somalia is one of the poorest countries in the world. Agriculture is their main source of income and over 80 per cent of people cannot afford basic necesseties, such as food and water. This leads to crimes, such as robbery and piracy. Many other countries in Africa are in the same situation as Somalia. People have realized that the world can actually feed the substantial fraction of people, but the resources are not evenly distributed to everyone.Thus, as the population continues to grow...(don't think this statement is necessary as it is obvious) Several solutions worth considering in order to cut poverty include the creation of good jobs, raising wages, training the next generation of workers, investing in children, strengthening farmers and offering aid to poor countries. Raising wages is a good solution to prevent poverty, as the increase in people’s living standards leads to the opportunity to buy more food and feed their children in a better way(could you rephrase this?). In some countries, they don’t have enough capital to carry out this policy. In this case, developed countries will fund them and give them a better life(dont be carried away with these predictions) In order to prevent poor countries relying on the foreign aid, developed countries can improve the education in poor countries by sending volunteers to teach and impartthe knowledge of family planning. The most helpful strategy is investment in educaion of children. This will lead to outcomes, such as better high-school graduation rates, higher job productivity and lower rate of violent crime. Can the world afford to feed population that is 7 billion and is growing? The answer is definitely yes. People are hungry, because they do not have the means to afford food. Hunger is not due to the growth of population and lack of food supply/scarcity of resources. Hence, cleaning up the hunger problems will end the poverty.
You need to rephrase and clarify a few things. Also, reference your sources.
(edited 10 years ago)

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