Housemate has started cutting herself....
THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ONE GUYS. I APPRECIATE IF YOU READ IT ALL.
Just a background, I'm in a house with 2 dudes and another chick. 2nd year of uni.
Towards the end of uni year last time the girl I'm living with now attempted to commit suicide twice in the space of 5 days. The first time she OD on asprin and immediately told one of my other housemates about it (I wasn't living with them at the time, I was just close friends with all of them.)
Due to the fact she immediately told my housemate we took this as a cry for attention and tried to act accordingly. We called an ambulance, got her into hospital where she had an overnight stay, almost had her kidneys fail on her and was very lucky.
The second time was within 3 days again ODing on asprin, however this time it was incredibly more difficult in getting her to the hospital and we had to get halls management involved.
She once again went to hospital at which point she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, she was assesd by various physchartrists and we convinced her to go counselling.
Now to the present day, she has started cutting herself with a blade. The other night she comes crying into my room asking if I can put a DVD on for her as one of my housemates won't do it for her (backstory would be too long to go into) so I get up and do so only to turn around and find her crying with several cuts on her arm.
Needless to say this was very distressing for me to see and she was obviously very distressed. I took the intiative and tried to stop the bleeding and did all I could for her that night. She further tells me she has yet again tried to OD on asprin.
Next day I get us all together and have her try and talk to us about why she felt she had to do it, to see if we were doing something wrong or what we could do to help. She seemed to enjoy the attention from it and was very flippant which was incredibly frustrating even to go so far as to suggest I try to self-harm myself so as to better understand what she feels!!!!
From all of this we're now taking her to get counselling tomorrow and she has given me the blade she was using, however we cannot babysit her.
It sounds incredibly selfish of me but I cannot understand why someone would do this?? The fact she has done this and always drawn attention to it just means it's a cry for help in my eyes and yet when try to do that and help her she doesn't want to know and rather just appreciates the attention it gets her.
It's beyond frustrating!!! Plus we're at a serious time at university studies and the last thing I want to worry about is whether I'm going to come back to my housemate and she's hurt herself again. So that is selfish on my part i guess but only natural.
I don't want this. I don't want to give her the attention she craves. I want to help her, but at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this!
What to do TSR? :/
Tl:dr - Housemate has tried to OD and has started cutting herself after previous attempts. Unsure what to do, she seems to enjoy the attention. How to help without giving it to her, and yet remain sane throughout?
Just a background, I'm in a house with 2 dudes and another chick. 2nd year of uni.
Towards the end of uni year last time the girl I'm living with now attempted to commit suicide twice in the space of 5 days. The first time she OD on asprin and immediately told one of my other housemates about it (I wasn't living with them at the time, I was just close friends with all of them.)
Due to the fact she immediately told my housemate we took this as a cry for attention and tried to act accordingly. We called an ambulance, got her into hospital where she had an overnight stay, almost had her kidneys fail on her and was very lucky.
The second time was within 3 days again ODing on asprin, however this time it was incredibly more difficult in getting her to the hospital and we had to get halls management involved.
She once again went to hospital at which point she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, she was assesd by various physchartrists and we convinced her to go counselling.
Now to the present day, she has started cutting herself with a blade. The other night she comes crying into my room asking if I can put a DVD on for her as one of my housemates won't do it for her (backstory would be too long to go into) so I get up and do so only to turn around and find her crying with several cuts on her arm.
Needless to say this was very distressing for me to see and she was obviously very distressed. I took the intiative and tried to stop the bleeding and did all I could for her that night. She further tells me she has yet again tried to OD on asprin.
Next day I get us all together and have her try and talk to us about why she felt she had to do it, to see if we were doing something wrong or what we could do to help. She seemed to enjoy the attention from it and was very flippant which was incredibly frustrating even to go so far as to suggest I try to self-harm myself so as to better understand what she feels!!!!
From all of this we're now taking her to get counselling tomorrow and she has given me the blade she was using, however we cannot babysit her.
It sounds incredibly selfish of me but I cannot understand why someone would do this?? The fact she has done this and always drawn attention to it just means it's a cry for help in my eyes and yet when try to do that and help her she doesn't want to know and rather just appreciates the attention it gets her.
It's beyond frustrating!!! Plus we're at a serious time at university studies and the last thing I want to worry about is whether I'm going to come back to my housemate and she's hurt herself again. So that is selfish on my part i guess but only natural.
I don't want this. I don't want to give her the attention she craves. I want to help her, but at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this!
What to do TSR? :/
Tl:dr - Housemate has tried to OD and has started cutting herself after previous attempts. Unsure what to do, she seems to enjoy the attention. How to help without giving it to her, and yet remain sane throughout?
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by moonkatt
Bump, as this has been sat in the mod queue for a few hours.
Appreciate it moonkatt
That's a horrible situation to be in. You are not selfish - you have gone out of your way to help her, and it's not your job. I know it sounds harsh, but it sounds like she should not be at university, at least not without proper support, if the only way she can cope is by putting pressure on other students.
I think you should talk to your personal tutor (most universities give you one, even if you never see them). You can help to a certain extent, and you have done, but there is clearly a deep underlying problem here that will not go away, and needs the attention of her family and professionals, not the sacrifice of your degree.
It sounds like you have done exactly the right thing, and now you should see your tutor / welfare people for advice. They will have seen it before, and can give better advice than I can.
I think you should talk to your personal tutor (most universities give you one, even if you never see them). You can help to a certain extent, and you have done, but there is clearly a deep underlying problem here that will not go away, and needs the attention of her family and professionals, not the sacrifice of your degree.
It sounds like you have done exactly the right thing, and now you should see your tutor / welfare people for advice. They will have seen it before, and can give better advice than I can.
Original post by dandaman0808
THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ONE GUYS. I APPRECIATE IF YOU READ IT ALL.
Just a background, I'm in a house with 2 dudes and another chick. 2nd year of uni.
Towards the end of uni year last time the girl I'm living with now attempted to commit suicide twice in the space of 5 days. The first time she OD on asprin and immediately told one of my other housemates about it (I wasn't living with them at the time, I was just close friends with all of them.)
Due to the fact she immediately told my housemate we took this as a cry for attention and tried to act accordingly. We called an ambulance, got her into hospital where she had an overnight stay, almost had her kidneys fail on her and was very lucky.
The second time was within 3 days again ODing on asprin, however this time it was incredibly more difficult in getting her to the hospital and we had to get halls management involved.
She once again went to hospital at which point she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, she was assesd by various physchartrists and we convinced her to go counselling.
Now to the present day, she has started cutting herself with a blade. The other night she comes crying into my room asking if I can put a DVD on for her as one of my housemates won't do it for her (backstory would be too long to go into) so I get up and do so only to turn around and find her crying with several cuts on her arm.
Needless to say this was very distressing for me to see and she was obviously very distressed. I took the intiative and tried to stop the bleeding and did all I could for her that night. She further tells me she has yet again tried to OD on asprin.
Next day I get us all together and have her try and talk to us about why she felt she had to do it, to see if we were doing something wrong or what we could do to help. She seemed to enjoy the attention from it and was very flippant which was incredibly frustrating even to go so far as to suggest I try to self-harm myself so as to better understand what she feels!!!!
From all of this we're now taking her to get counselling tomorrow and she has given me the blade she was using, however we cannot babysit her.
It sounds incredibly selfish of me but I cannot understand why someone would do this?? The fact she has done this and always drawn attention to it just means it's a cry for help in my eyes and yet when try to do that and help her she doesn't want to know and rather just appreciates the attention it gets her.
It's beyond frustrating!!! Plus we're at a serious time at university studies and the last thing I want to worry about is whether I'm going to come back to my housemate and she's hurt herself again. So that is selfish on my part i guess but only natural.
I don't want this. I don't want to give her the attention she craves. I want to help her, but at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this!
What to do TSR? :/
Tl:dr - Housemate has tried to OD and has started cutting herself after previous attempts. Unsure what to do, she seems to enjoy the attention. How to help without giving it to her, and yet remain sane throughout?
Just a background, I'm in a house with 2 dudes and another chick. 2nd year of uni.
Towards the end of uni year last time the girl I'm living with now attempted to commit suicide twice in the space of 5 days. The first time she OD on asprin and immediately told one of my other housemates about it (I wasn't living with them at the time, I was just close friends with all of them.)
Due to the fact she immediately told my housemate we took this as a cry for attention and tried to act accordingly. We called an ambulance, got her into hospital where she had an overnight stay, almost had her kidneys fail on her and was very lucky.
The second time was within 3 days again ODing on asprin, however this time it was incredibly more difficult in getting her to the hospital and we had to get halls management involved.
She once again went to hospital at which point she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, she was assesd by various physchartrists and we convinced her to go counselling.
Now to the present day, she has started cutting herself with a blade. The other night she comes crying into my room asking if I can put a DVD on for her as one of my housemates won't do it for her (backstory would be too long to go into) so I get up and do so only to turn around and find her crying with several cuts on her arm.
Needless to say this was very distressing for me to see and she was obviously very distressed. I took the intiative and tried to stop the bleeding and did all I could for her that night. She further tells me she has yet again tried to OD on asprin.
Next day I get us all together and have her try and talk to us about why she felt she had to do it, to see if we were doing something wrong or what we could do to help. She seemed to enjoy the attention from it and was very flippant which was incredibly frustrating even to go so far as to suggest I try to self-harm myself so as to better understand what she feels!!!!
From all of this we're now taking her to get counselling tomorrow and she has given me the blade she was using, however we cannot babysit her.
It sounds incredibly selfish of me but I cannot understand why someone would do this?? The fact she has done this and always drawn attention to it just means it's a cry for help in my eyes and yet when try to do that and help her she doesn't want to know and rather just appreciates the attention it gets her.
It's beyond frustrating!!! Plus we're at a serious time at university studies and the last thing I want to worry about is whether I'm going to come back to my housemate and she's hurt herself again. So that is selfish on my part i guess but only natural.
I don't want this. I don't want to give her the attention she craves. I want to help her, but at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this!
What to do TSR? :/
Tl:dr - Housemate has tried to OD and has started cutting herself after previous attempts. Unsure what to do, she seems to enjoy the attention. How to help without giving it to her, and yet remain sane throughout?
I'm not being funny but if she has tried to OD why is she still at university when she has all these problems? I haven't even been sectioned yet after I was assessed for it I had to have a certificate to say I was fit to attend university. I really struggle to see how she is managing at uni like this....
I agree with the other poster, bring it up with your personal tutor asap and get them to pass it on to the girl's own personal tutor.
I think to some extent, she has to learn to deal with this herself. You're not going to be there all the time.
This is what my friend told me when I was having problems - I have to learn to deal with my issues without him.
As for not understanding - I honestly think that unless you've been there and done that, you can't possibly understand what's going on. It's not selfish.
Is there a way of contacting her parents / do they know? My friends' response was to contact my parents. He then claimed that I'd left him with no choice and that his actions were because of the way I was acting towards him. I will admit that I hated him for this. It meant that I was forced into telling them what happened. That being said, I can understand why he did it.
I wonder if you can get some counselling / help for yourself?
As others have said, you should talk to your tutor.
This is what my friend told me when I was having problems - I have to learn to deal with my issues without him.
As for not understanding - I honestly think that unless you've been there and done that, you can't possibly understand what's going on. It's not selfish.
Is there a way of contacting her parents / do they know? My friends' response was to contact my parents. He then claimed that I'd left him with no choice and that his actions were because of the way I was acting towards him. I will admit that I hated him for this. It meant that I was forced into telling them what happened. That being said, I can understand why he did it.
I wonder if you can get some counselling / help for yourself?
As others have said, you should talk to your tutor.
first of all, if it IS for attention, that doesn't mean it should be dismissed or isn't valid, she may just feel she has no other way to get help/communicate how she's feeling, and the flippancy might be a sort of warped response because she's struggling with the serious conversations...
as for yourself, you sound lovely but you need to look after you as well, it is not your responsibility to stop her and you wont be able to unless she chooses to, draw your own boundaries and don't feel guilty for it, your degree will affect the rest of your life and it is important, if that means telling her you don't want to see fresh cuts or give first aid, that's okay, if you don't mind talking about actually what's upsetting her but not self harm that's okay
as for why, people will give a million and one reasons why they self harm, I think even for those experiencing it's hard to explain properly, it does have physiological effects (i.e. if you're bleeding your blood pressure falls and attention becomes concentrated on your injury so it both distracts and reduces high emotional states) and people use it as a tool for a variety of reasons, what it comes down to at the end of the day is forcing yourself to stop and eventually you will find a new way to acheive whatever you need to
as for yourself, you sound lovely but you need to look after you as well, it is not your responsibility to stop her and you wont be able to unless she chooses to, draw your own boundaries and don't feel guilty for it, your degree will affect the rest of your life and it is important, if that means telling her you don't want to see fresh cuts or give first aid, that's okay, if you don't mind talking about actually what's upsetting her but not self harm that's okay
as for why, people will give a million and one reasons why they self harm, I think even for those experiencing it's hard to explain properly, it does have physiological effects (i.e. if you're bleeding your blood pressure falls and attention becomes concentrated on your injury so it both distracts and reduces high emotional states) and people use it as a tool for a variety of reasons, what it comes down to at the end of the day is forcing yourself to stop and eventually you will find a new way to acheive whatever you need to
I've had this problem with my friends and the best thing I did was to tell a teacher (tutor in your case) as they can deal with it professionally. Don't let you helping her make you neglect your studies, from what you've written, she isn't coping very well at uni and perhaps might need more support than you can offer.
You're good for trying though. Talk to someone at uni before it gets too out of hand.
You're good for trying though. Talk to someone at uni before it gets too out of hand.
Thanks everyone for the advice. I've spoken with my house and we've got her starting counselling asap. Hopefully she can resolve her issues, I can get back to my studies and we won't have a repeat of this because if we do she's going straight to hospital.
Original post by dandaman0808
THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG ONE GUYS. I APPRECIATE IF YOU READ IT ALL.
Just a background, I'm in a house with 2 dudes and another chick. 2nd year of uni.
Towards the end of uni year last time the girl I'm living with now attempted to commit suicide twice in the space of 5 days. The first time she OD on asprin and immediately told one of my other housemates about it (I wasn't living with them at the time, I was just close friends with all of them.)
Due to the fact she immediately told my housemate we took this as a cry for attention and tried to act accordingly. We called an ambulance, got her into hospital where she had an overnight stay, almost had her kidneys fail on her and was very lucky.
The second time was within 3 days again ODing on asprin, however this time it was incredibly more difficult in getting her to the hospital and we had to get halls management involved.
She once again went to hospital at which point she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, she was assesd by various physchartrists and we convinced her to go counselling.
Now to the present day, she has started cutting herself with a blade. The other night she comes crying into my room asking if I can put a DVD on for her as one of my housemates won't do it for her (backstory would be too long to go into) so I get up and do so only to turn around and find her crying with several cuts on her arm.
Needless to say this was very distressing for me to see and she was obviously very distressed. I took the intiative and tried to stop the bleeding and did all I could for her that night. She further tells me she has yet again tried to OD on asprin.
Next day I get us all together and have her try and talk to us about why she felt she had to do it, to see if we were doing something wrong or what we could do to help. She seemed to enjoy the attention from it and was very flippant which was incredibly frustrating even to go so far as to suggest I try to self-harm myself so as to better understand what she feels!!!!
From all of this we're now taking her to get counselling tomorrow and she has given me the blade she was using, however we cannot babysit her.
It sounds incredibly selfish of me but I cannot understand why someone would do this?? The fact she has done this and always drawn attention to it just means it's a cry for help in my eyes and yet when try to do that and help her she doesn't want to know and rather just appreciates the attention it gets her.
It's beyond frustrating!!! Plus we're at a serious time at university studies and the last thing I want to worry about is whether I'm going to come back to my housemate and she's hurt herself again. So that is selfish on my part i guess but only natural.
I don't want this. I don't want to give her the attention she craves. I want to help her, but at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this!
What to do TSR? :/
Tl:dr - Housemate has tried to OD and has started cutting herself after previous attempts. Unsure what to do, she seems to enjoy the attention. How to help without giving it to her, and yet remain sane throughout?
Just a background, I'm in a house with 2 dudes and another chick. 2nd year of uni.
Towards the end of uni year last time the girl I'm living with now attempted to commit suicide twice in the space of 5 days. The first time she OD on asprin and immediately told one of my other housemates about it (I wasn't living with them at the time, I was just close friends with all of them.)
Due to the fact she immediately told my housemate we took this as a cry for attention and tried to act accordingly. We called an ambulance, got her into hospital where she had an overnight stay, almost had her kidneys fail on her and was very lucky.
The second time was within 3 days again ODing on asprin, however this time it was incredibly more difficult in getting her to the hospital and we had to get halls management involved.
She once again went to hospital at which point she was sectioned under the Mental Health Act, she was assesd by various physchartrists and we convinced her to go counselling.
Now to the present day, she has started cutting herself with a blade. The other night she comes crying into my room asking if I can put a DVD on for her as one of my housemates won't do it for her (backstory would be too long to go into) so I get up and do so only to turn around and find her crying with several cuts on her arm.
Needless to say this was very distressing for me to see and she was obviously very distressed. I took the intiative and tried to stop the bleeding and did all I could for her that night. She further tells me she has yet again tried to OD on asprin.
Next day I get us all together and have her try and talk to us about why she felt she had to do it, to see if we were doing something wrong or what we could do to help. She seemed to enjoy the attention from it and was very flippant which was incredibly frustrating even to go so far as to suggest I try to self-harm myself so as to better understand what she feels!!!!
From all of this we're now taking her to get counselling tomorrow and she has given me the blade she was using, however we cannot babysit her.
It sounds incredibly selfish of me but I cannot understand why someone would do this?? The fact she has done this and always drawn attention to it just means it's a cry for help in my eyes and yet when try to do that and help her she doesn't want to know and rather just appreciates the attention it gets her.
It's beyond frustrating!!! Plus we're at a serious time at university studies and the last thing I want to worry about is whether I'm going to come back to my housemate and she's hurt herself again. So that is selfish on my part i guess but only natural.
I don't want this. I don't want to give her the attention she craves. I want to help her, but at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this!
What to do TSR? :/
Tl:dr - Housemate has tried to OD and has started cutting herself after previous attempts. Unsure what to do, she seems to enjoy the attention. How to help without giving it to her, and yet remain sane throughout?
She's been in the system before to deal with it and it seems to have helped to some extent although it hasn't lasted. I would discuss it with her and try to get her to go back to the counselling etc. Maybe t have a stay in a hospital so they can help her. It's a lot to ask of a friend to always be looking out for this sort of thing and although you want to help her it's got to be a pain sometimes. If she visits a hospital for a while they will be able to give her round the clock care so you guys won't need to worry about her hurting herself and can just be a friend again.
It'll involve a lot of discussion. You'll probably be best of visiting a gp or something with her to get better info on your/ her options and what she will be happy with. Your university will also be able to help with this so ask if she'll be happy getting them involved too. It may be that she would be best off taking a break from her course so she can focus on her well-being.
In short, go to a GP and get her professional help. Talk to her about what you're doing throughout and try to keep her as involved as possible. As you have done before, ensure she gets proper medical help when needed. If you have to visit A&E again before you visit a GP, you could take a nurse to the side and talk to them about what to do.
They may end up sectioning her again, but it's best to try to get her to do it voluntarily before this has to happen if you can so she can feel more in control.
Best wishes to all of you.
You're undoubtedly finding this very stressful. You may wish to contact Samaritans by phone or email to get some of that stress off your chest.
Original post by dandaman0808
Thanks everyone for the advice. I've spoken with my house and we've got her starting counselling asap. Hopefully she can resolve her issues, I can get back to my studies and we won't have a repeat of this because if we do she's going straight to hospital.
Well done. That's better than my housemates response - give me a lecture every time I walked into the kitchen. Either abou how little I was supposedly eating or how easy it apparently is to get help.
