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Falling in love with your best friend at uni

I'm bi. My best mate is a guy, and he's the best best friend I've ever had. I introduced him to his now-girlfriend, conspired to push them together. Everything's good.

Unfortunately me being the **** that I am have totally fallen in love with him. I've never felt like this about any other person before, ever. I am though a realist, knowing he's straight, and so I've silently been trying to get over it. When we'd go out on nights out my emotions would start to leak, I'd cry a good few times but could never tell him what it was really about. He understood and was there for me.

Second year of uni comes around and it's taking a very dark turn. I'm not exactly sure when it started, but I began drunk calling/texting him and being a massive ********. "I hate you", "you spend all your time with your girlfriend and never me", "I don't want to talk to you again", etc. This really upset him, and frustrated me - I didn't really feel these things and I wasn't sure why I was lashing out at him so horribly.

Then last night it takes the worst turn. I get home from a night out, drunk off my tits, and smash my room up. I reduce my bedside mirror into tiny shards of glass. My housemate says she doesn't feel safe. I decide to take myself off home for 2 weeks to figure out what the **** is happening to me.

I'm so frustrated with myself at how jealous I'm getting, and I'm making myself completely unlikeable to my friends. I live with his girlfriend, and it's uncomfortable. Last year I had the time of my life at uni, we had fun and a laugh and everything was perfect. This year, for whatever reason, I've just become a dark cloud.

What's even more frustrating is that I've met a girl I really like, and I'm gonna ask her to be my girlfriend... but I fear that the best friend thing is just going to end up making me feel guilty. I actually don't know if I could love anyone else. Which is futile and endlessly depressing.

What can I do? Is there anything I can do? I signed up for the uni's counselling but they can't fit me in for a while. Last night's development has taken this too far now. I don't know how I can carry on living in this state.

Reply 1

SK3PTIK4L

You will be ok.

Jealousy is a manageable issue, but living with your best mates gf is never really a good thing. Distraction is good, so really workin on your studies and the other girl you like is fine. Do not feel guilt for how you feel :smile: