If there's no sex, are you really in a relationship?

Depends on the circumstances. Some of the time yes, some of the time you're friendzoned but it's classed as dating :smile:

Reply 21

Forumfinder

If you're both above 16 and it's been longer than 4 months, then no

Reply 22

Ameliapond

Original post by james1211

Why do you act different online?

Posted from TSR Mobile

can kinda sympathise with the poor guy

I'm way more forward on TSR than I am in real life. Probably because I'm behind a screen and this is the only place I'll initiate anything

Reply 23

username47781

20

Keep it sensible please, any unhelpful or spam posts will be removed, thanks.

Reply 24

ilex_noemi

11

I was in a relationship for 4 years in which time we didn't have sex. Mainly because I was a scared virgin and he was too understanding that I got myself into a comfort zone where I didn't have to so I didn't lol we did do other things.
Perhaps if there was no kissing I would think of it as a friendship instead.

Reply 25

Ben Kenobi

Original post by Riku

Me and my So are in love. However as part of that, I respect her religious belief in the sanctity of marriage, which means lots of kisses and cuddles, but no sex (unless we got married of course). [Naive vanilla virgin boy checking in etc. etc.]
Somebody on the forum insinuated to me that without sex it's not a 'real' relationship and we're just friends. Is this true? I would have thought being in love would qualify for the criteria of a romantic relationship? :P

And you're naive enough to believe that and question it?

Reply 26

emilysarah

3

I was in a relationship for about 2 and a half years without ever having sex. Definitely possible, though sometimes difficult lol :tongue:

Reply 27

Riku

OP

2

Original post by Ben Kenobi

And you're naive enough to believe that and question it?

consider it a relationship, but what would the outside world of 20-something year olds consider it is my question? At this age so much of the relationship seems to be based on sex, it makes me wonder whether it's deemed a prerequisite for a 'super-platonic' relationship i.e. above platonic intimacy

Reply 28

Riku

OP

2

Original post by canadamoose

It's a real relationship so long as you and your girlfriend agree that you are in a committed relationship. It can be as serious as a relationship where sex is involved. I think it's harder to be in a relationship without sex, as sex is a great way to express your love for your partner - then again, I don't think God has any business in my bedroom.

If relationships only exist through sex, then isn't it the same thing to say that any two people who have sex are in a relationship?

It must have been committed for nearly seven months now. She didn't even consider going out with someone until I asked, she was just waiting for arranged marriage and pretty depressed by it

I agree sex is a good way to express love, which is why I ask: are you really a couple, if there's no sex and never has been? What makes this different from a close friendship, or even family?
It's not quite the same thing to say if any two people have sex they're in a relationship, but I wonder whether a relationship is not considered 'complete' or 'real' until the committed couple have had sex. Basically is there some emotional (romantic/social) and physical (sexual/intimate) standard that has to be achieved before reaching the status of relationship?

Reply 29

Bonmot

8

Original post by Riku

Me and my So are in love. However as part of that, I respect her religious belief in the sanctity of marriage, which means lots of kisses and cuddles, but no sex (unless we got married of course). [Naive vanilla virgin boy checking in etc. etc.]
Somebody on the forum insinuated to me that without sex it's not a 'real' relationship and we're just friends. Is this true? I would have thought being in love would qualify for the criteria of a romantic relationship? :P

Well well well..I thought all this .."no sex business"..happened AFTER few years of marriage .....!!!! ha ha

Reply 30

Riku

OP

2

Original post by Mankytoes

This is the girl you're scared will leave you? She's probably more worried you'll leave her to have sex, a lot of guys would.

Yeah, if you're committed and exclusive. Though are you really happy baseing your life around someone else's religious beliefs? Your posts don't sound very happy.

This is true. She's maybe lucky I'm a little scared to have sex and would generally have intimacy/trust issues :smile:

anyway I wouldn't dream of leaving her, if we break up we're going to do it as friends by the looks of it, but that probably won't happen for any reason other than her family getting n the way

My posts aren't always very happy but before her there were some which were positively morbid. It's not her that's the problem, it's my borderline-paranoid anxiety. (Fortunately she can live with that and helps me through :smile:

)
I can actually relate a little to the no sex before marriage concept, having been brought up a Christian. I wouldn't take it to that extreme, but for both spiritual reasons and the personal reasons I've touched on, I wouldn't be willing to give up my virginity to any random person who chatted me up.

Reply 31

xoxAngel_Kxox

21

I understand that some people want to make sure that the other person is committed to them before they have sex, but that doesn't stop me believing that the whole "no sex before marriage" thing is seriously outdated. Of course, it's up to her, and you shouldn't pressure her.

Do you FEEL as though you're in a relationship? If you do, then I don't see the problem. Nobody else can tell you what to think or feel. I have friends, but I wouldn't cuddle up to them or kiss them, or walk round holding hands and go out on dates with just the two of us. If you're doing all of this, and sleeping in the same bed but just not having sex, then I'd say your relationship was fine, as long as you're both happy with it.

This is the first time I've ever said anything like this on your threads, but you seriously need to get professional help for your issues and worries. Honestly, every day I see a new thread. This is no way to live your life. You have so much potential, and you deserve better than worrying about anything and everything all the time. A doctor could help you to straighten your head out a little bit, and then you'd be able to live your life without this constant worry. It must be absolutely exhausting!

Reply 32

Mankytoes

10

Original post by Riku

This is true. She's maybe lucky I'm a little scared to have sex and would generally have intimacy/trust issues :smile:

anyway I wouldn't dream of leaving her, if we break up we're going to do it as friends by the looks of it, but that probably won't happen for any reason other than her family getting n the way

My posts aren't always very happy but before her there were some which were positively morbid. It's not her that's the problem, it's my borderline-paranoid anxiety. (Fortunately she can live with that and helps me through :smile:

)
I can actually relate a little to the no sex before marriage concept, having been brought up a Christian. I wouldn't take it to that extreme, but for both spiritual reasons and the personal reasons I've touched on, I wouldn't be willing to give up my virginity to any random person who chatted me up.

That's nice, although "intimacy/trust issues" aren't a great reason for relationship choices. What if you get over these? Will you still be happy with waiting until marriage for this girl?

I guess that's impressive in a way. I was also raised Christian, and no way in hell I'm letting that nonsense rule my life. We aren't talking about losing it to someone random, we're talking about losing it to the woman you love...

Reply 33

Riku

OP

2

Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox

I understand that some people want to make sure that the other person is committed to them before they have sex, but that doesn't stop me believing that the whole "no sex before marriage" thing is seriously outdated. Of course, it's up to her, and you shouldn't pressure her.

Do you FEEL as though you're in a relationship? If you do, then I don't see the problem. Nobody else can tell you what to think or feel. I have friends, but I wouldn't cuddle up to them or kiss them, or walk round holding hands and go out on dates with just the two of us. If you're doing all of this, and sleeping in the same bed but just not having sex, then I'd say your relationship was fine, as long as you're both happy with it.

This is the first time I've ever said anything like this on your threads, but you seriously need to get professional help for your issues and worries. Honestly, every day I see a new thread. This is no way to live your life. You have so much potential, and you deserve better than worrying about anything and everything all the time. A doctor could help you to straighten your head out a little bit, and then you'd be able to live your life without this constant worry. It must be absolutely exhausting!

Thanks Angel :smile:

everything about that is true except the sleeping in the same bed part :P she's practically house-bound by her parents. The whole relationship is a secret kept from her family (but not from mine)

Ah, sorry! I'm still receiving support. Maybe I've overdone it on the threads of late. I'll check when my next apppointment is :smile:

Reply 34

Riku

OP

2

Original post by Mankytoes

That's nice, although "intimacy/trust issues" aren't a great reason for relationship choices. What if you get over these? Will you still be happy with waiting until marriage for this girl?

I guess that's impressive in a way. I was also raised Christian, and no way in hell I'm letting that nonsense rule my life. We aren't talking about losing it to someone random, we're talking about losing it to the woman you love...

This is a good point, but as she's my first serious relationship and the first woman I've ever felt seriously about, there's no way of knowing :smile:

without breaking up with her that is
and of course they're not the main reason I'm with her :P

I think it'll be quite a while until I 'get over it', as I say I'm fairly new to the dating scene, maybe this is naive young love, but it's still nice :smile:

Reply 35

Metalfros

16

Well, before the emancipation, feminism etc last century it was normal to wait after marriage.

Yup

Every sustained interaction you have with a human is a relationship.

It sounds like you're in an exclusive romantic relationship with the potential for marriage if it continues to develop.. but if you're unclear on the details, just ask her!

Reply 38

Holby_fanatic

16

Original post by james1211

Yeah of course it is. Though i am a bit skeptical of long distance relationships because i still think there needs to be some kind of physical bond, not necessarily sexual.

It's not like people in long distance relationships never see each other. They just go a few weeks apart from one another. At least they're not like some couples who see each other practically every day and then can't handle even a week apart. Plus, when people in LDRs actually see each other, there's LOADS of physical contact so it's fine. :tongue:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 39

455409

17

Original post by Holby_fanatic

It's not like people in long distance relationships never see each other. They just go a few weeks apart from one another. At least they're not like some couples who see each other practically every day and then can't handle even a week apart. Plus, when people in LDRs actually see each other, there's LOADS of physical contact so it's fine. :tongue:

Posted from TSR Mobile

I mean the ones where the other person is abroad or so far away where they never see each other more than a few times a year. To me that is pushing it a bit. I wouldn't call a few weeks apart "long distance" :tongue:

If there's no sex, are you really in a relationship?

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