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Death of my true love, and my dilemma.

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This is the saddest thing I have read for a long long time.

Whatever decision you decide to make, I am sure things will turn out ok in the end, it will get better in time. I'm sure that your parents will support you whatever you decide to do.

Reply 41

Purple

If theres a uni in your town/city I am sure that if you went there his parents would look after the baby during the day.

Reply 42

Anonymous #1

There is a uni in my city, but it's not a good one.
I told my parents this morning, they think me keeping it would be a bad idea. They have such big plans for me, they want me to retake my exams then reapply next year. I guess i've never been that close to my parents, theyre both doctors which means theyre hardly ever home, and i've never found i can really talk to either of them. If i have the baby, they would have little time to help me look after it.
My boyfriends parents on the other hand - amazing. There's no doubt that i'm closer to them than i am to my actual parents and i would never not tell them about this, i'm going to do it this afternoon.
I have to think about money too, babies are expensive, my parents would be able to support me financially if i went to uni and kept the baby but then they don't want me to have it. Whereas my boyfriends parents scrape by with little money, so i'd probably have to work and not go to uni.. god soo much to think about, sorry if i'm going on a bit.

Reply 43

Glory

Im sure your boyfriends parents would be willing to look after it. Or even keep it, if you cant cope and raise it for you. It wont replace their son, but it might fill the void left by him.

Reply 44

HereFishyFishy

Jesus, that is so horrible.
I can't imagine how you must feel - I really can't. I'm so sorry.
However, I do think that you should seriously consider keeping the baby. You've had to cope with a terrible loss and I think losing the baby (albeit voluntarily) could make things worse.
It sounds like, if you choose to keep it, you have some things going for you. I take it your parents have been rather understanding, despite their views. So, should you decide to keep it, they would probably be happy to support you financially.
Your boyfriends parents sound like they would be more than willing to help you care for the baby.
That's two of the big issues that can come round in your favour.
You can afford (and deserve!) to take a year off uni (perhaps even two? - I was forced to do this due to illness), which is another thing you can work with.

I just think, from the sounds of things, that you do want to keep it. I also think that anybody you meet in the future (workwise or lovewise) will be understanding - at least they will if they're half decent people.

Whatever you decide, good luck. Remember, it's entirely up to you - the above is purely my take on things. xxx

Reply 45

Jums

You're right to want to keep the baby, but in order to do so you need the support of your parents. You said A-levels went badly; go to college and re-take them, then go to university. You don't want to be an unqualified single mother, so concentrate on finishing your education and let the child's grandparents (both sets) look after the baby - you're only 18 so they won't be too old.

I know you don't believe it now, but you will find another man eventually. You're still so very young, and in university, or at work afterwards, you will find a really good man who will understand everything, including the baby. Good luck.

Reply 46

Philosophia

My deepest deepest deepest condolences. That's a truly awful story, but that doesn't necessarily imply it will have an awful ending. xxxxxxx

Reply 47

BlackHawk

Some universities have child help availble or even day cares. Might be worth looking into.

I know you feel like you're closer to your boyfriends parents, but your parents are the ones who will be with you for life. They're the ones who raised you are are ultimatly your parents. Your boyfriends parents you may drift away from over time.

Reply 48

BlackHawk

Jums

you will find a really good man who will understand everything, including the baby. Good luck.

To be honest, it is a lot to ask of someone to get involved with someone with a child. A lot of people, especially young people do not want such a burden. (especially when it isn't their child) It's nice to think that people will be understanding, but more often than not people won't get involved in a relationship where a child is involved.

Reply 49

blissy

BlackHawk

I know you feel like you're closer to your boyfriends parents, but your parents are the ones who will be with you for life. They're the ones who raised you are are ultimatly your parents. Your boyfriends parents you may drift away from over time.

And she's likely to drift away from her bf's parents when she eventually gets into a new serious relationship.

Reply 50

BlackHawk

blissy

And she's likely to drift away from her bf's parents when she eventually gets into a new serious relationship.

Definitely. She would be tied to them with the child, but I would think that as she grows and matures and makes her own way in the world such a connection would be more of a burden.

Reply 51

no1mohsin

I feel so, so bad for you hun :frown:

. Personally, I say keep the baby. You will regret it beyond belief if you get rid, and 5, 10 maybe even 20 years down the line you'll think of this bloke and you won't have anything to remember him by. I'm a believer in fate and stuff - and this is the kind of thing why. Serious respect to you babe, and whatever happens you'll be a stronger person for it. Adulation is all very well in times of grief, but I genuinely respect you loads.

Reply 52

BlackHawk

To be honest, not many people in their 20s and 30s think of their boyfriend or girlfriend from when they were 18. It sounds harsh, but it is the truth. It is a horrible situation to be in, no one in denying that, but I don't think heart should rule the mind in this instance.

Reply 53

sahsum

You must have a gut feeling about this, I think if I was in your situation my gut feeling would be to keep the baby. Eventually your parents will become supportive of the idea, and if you have the full support of your BFs parents then things should work out ok. Ultimately remember its your decision, don't do anything you'll regret.

Reply 54

Redefined

What a touching post.

I tried to write some advice but it wasn't coming out right, so all I can say is please pm me if you want to talk about this :smile:

Reply 55

xChellex

My heartfelt sympathies to you for your loss.
Personally, I would keep the baby, to remind me of the guy I loved and because it's the last part of him alive beyond what was in my heart and memory. Also, you can still learn and get qualifications once you've had the baby, that is a future potential always available wheras the baby is a one chance opportunity, which if you give up now you can't return to at a later stage.

Reply 56

sidi

I've been thinking about you a lot. In my last post I was careful to be supportive but not suggest what you should do (other than talk things through with a third party) However the balance of opinion on here seems to suggest keeping the baby. Pregnancy itself is a time of emotional stress, you'll feel sick, your hormones will be all over the place, you'll wonder what the hell you've done - and this is for a planned pregnancy.Worst case scenario baby may have problems, you may have postnatal depression.Having a baby is not the rosy answer to make it all better.I'm sorry if this is depressing you (although right now I don't expect anything can make you feel worse than you already do) You need to be emotionally strong to have a baby. I think you need this time to grieve properly without complicating things. You did say that if your bf was alive there would have been no question of you having the baby so don't feel guilty.
Feel free to pm me.

Reply 57

Redefined

Anonymous

I told my parents this morning, they think me keeping it would be a bad idea.

My boyfriends parents on the other hand - amazing. There's no doubt that i'm closer to them than i am to my actual parents and i would never not tell them about this, i'm going to do it this afternoon.

I'm suprised how easy it is for your parents as Doctors to recommend an abortion. However, on the other hand this afternoon I think you are going to bring smiles and tears to your boyfriends parents. I'd assume they would want you to keep the baby as it is part of their lost son.

Reply 58

Anonymous #1

I told my boyfriend's parents and it was the first time i'd seen them smile since the accident. They said the baby would always have a home with them if i couldn't look after it or wanted to go to uni, but then i would hate for my son or daughter to grow up thinking i didn't want to look after them or something. I've been to the doctors and then went to talk to a counsellor who asked me to think about whether or not i was emotionally stable enough to go through pregnancy and child birth. I haven't been eating properly or generally looking after myself since the accident, i tried to eat dinner last night but i just sat there staring at it and only managed a few mouthfulls. My mum kept going on about how stressful pregnancy can be, basically this isnt getting any easier :frown:

Reply 59

Glory

They wouldnt think that at all, you'd be suprised how common it is that babys are brought up by their grandparents, so there parents can have some form of a normal life. Or in your sitution get into a position that you can support and give that child everything it wants when its older.

Providing a child has love, which you could give it without being with it 24 7, it will know who its mum. It would be no different to a nanny looking after the child while the mother is at work.

If your serious about having this child you need to start looking after yourself, the baby needs the best possible start. Maybe you need to put your parents in a diffcult position, ask them what they would want you to do if their son had died and you was just his girlfriend. Im pretty sure they would change their tune.