Nice way to tell someone to lose weight

The short answer would be I'd find her more physically attractive and think that would then be enough to make me want to be with her, if it was solely based on personality I'd be with her already.

I've already said that I know there's more to it than looks but how attractive someone looks still plays a part. It's not like she's let herself go, it's kind of developed from what I thought was a one night stand into something a bit more regular and we've gotten to know each other

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I was actually responding to grt with that post, not addressing your situation.

Reply 21

HarryJames

OP

11

Original post by Viva Emptiness

I was actually responding to grt with that post, not addressing your situation.

Sorry my mistake

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Reply 22

AntiMonarchist

17

Buy her Weightwatchers membership for Xmas.

Reply 23

askew116

17

As someone who is overweight (but working on it furiously), I reckon the girl most likely already knows she's overweight.

From my (overweight) perspective, the nicest way to address OP's situation is to bring it up, with no beating around the bush, but also stress how uncomfortable this conversation makes him feel. (I once had to address a subordinate colleague's BO problem in this way, and all was resolved amicably).

OP, to make it really easy for you, don't put it like this - 'I'd go out with you if you lost x lbs'
I would put it like this - 'I really like you, but I'm concerned that you may have a weight problem. I'd really like to support you - support us - through this, and although your weight makes no difference to how I admire and respect you as a person, I feel that in a relationship, a physical attraction is necessary, which I'm not currently feeling, but know that you 'got it', it's just that some excessive weight is hiding your innate beauty'.

I know I rambled on a bit, but you get the idea,

Reply 24

doobucks

16

I would say put laxatives in her ice cream. But in all seriousness, talk to her, hint it and see if she takes the hint, otherwise say it directly but not forcefully.

Reply 25

MJ1012

18

Have more energy consuming sex. Win for everyone.

Reply 26

It's****ingWOODY

20

Just loosen a chair leg before she sits on it. She'll be more conscious of her weight if a chair gives out after she parks her arse on it.

Reply 27

HarryJames

OP

11

Original post by askew116

As someone who is overweight (but working on it furiously), I reckon the girl most likely already knows she's overweight.

From my (overweight) perspective, the nicest way to address OP's situation is to bring it up, with no beating around the bush, but also stress how uncomfortable this conversation makes him feel. (I once had to address a subordinate colleague's BO problem in this way, and all was resolved amicably).

OP, to make it really easy for you, don't put it like this - 'I'd go out with you if you lost x lbs'
I would put it like this - 'I really like you, but I'm concerned that you may have a weight problem. I'd really like to support you - support us - through this, and although your weight makes no difference to how I admire and respect you as a person, I feel that in a relationship, a physical attraction is necessary, which I'm not currently feeling, but know that you 'got it', it's just that some excessive weight is hiding your innate beauty'.

I know I rambled on a bit, but you get the idea,

That doesn't good but I'm just so worried it'd upset her. Now you mention I think she does realise, she never really eats much in front of me but she's also comfortable enough to wear tight clothes

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Reply 28

askew116

17

Original post by HarryJames

That doesn't good but I'm just so worried it'd upset her. Now you mention I think she does realise, she never really eats much in front of me but she's also comfortable enough to wear tight clothes

Posted from TSR Mobile

That's a classic sign that she's aware of the issue.

Personally, when I'm with someone I like, I don't generally refuse to eat, or eat very little, but I will not eat anything that's classically 'unhealthy', such as fast food, crisps, chocolate etc.

Also, now I've committed to losing weight I very rarely eat those things anyway, but on the odd occasion I do, it would always be when I'm alone.

I suspect the wearing tight clothes thing would be to prove to herself that she's 'still got it'. I don't know how old you/she are, but being able to fit into something that's not the largest size available is a huge morale booster, even if it too tight.

Reply 29

summer26

11

Easy, get her a nice shirt for xmas or something, which is a few sizes smaller than her current size, then tell her that you think she'll look good in it and that you'd love to see her wear your present every once in a while. I think she'll try to lose weight then.

Reply 30

Profesh

20

Original post by HarryJames

I've being seeing a girl for a while now and I think she wants a bit more commitment which I think I would be happy for if it wasn't for the fact that I think she's a bit too overweight. It might sound a bit stupid but is there a nice way of me telling her to lose weight or implying she should? I know this is shallow but I can't really choose who I find physically attractive and I can't help thinking if I found her slightly more physically attractive there would be nothing in the way anymore

Posted from TSR Mobile

I felt similarly towards a woman I dated for several weeks last year: my solution was to break things off with her, though, because I'd never leverage the emotional investment of someone with inferior self-worth for marginal gain at their expense.

Still, if you do decide to embark on this fool's errand, don't forget to report back – I'll be interested to know whether the force of one person's foot colliding with another's groin can actually trigger seismographs in Hawaii.

Reply 31

silly rabbit

Original post by HarryJames

I've being seeing a girl for a while now and I think she wants a bit more commitment which I think I would be happy for if it wasn't for the fact that I think she's a bit too overweight. It might sound a bit stupid but is there a nice way of me telling her to lose weight or implying she should? I know this is shallow but I can't really choose who I find physically attractive and I can't help thinking if I found her slightly more physically attractive there would be nothing in the way anymore

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You clearly should have said: ''You're so fat when I come within 5 km of you I can feel your black hole pulling me in.''

Reply 32

LJStudent

15

Reading this, she deserves better; although good for you for actually considering her feelings.

Reply 33

catherinebelle

how overweight is she? you say "slightly" but few pounds rarely make that much difference on anyone... or if they do i doubt it'd be a dealbreaker if she's an awesome person? to the same token, it's not THAT easy to lose a significiant amount of weight in a short space of time, so you'd have to be worth it!

Reply 34

Lotus_Eater

7

Original post by HarryJames

I've being seeing a girl for a while now and I think she wants a bit more commitment which I think I would be happy for if it wasn't for the fact that I think she's a bit too overweight. It might sound a bit stupid but is there a nice way of me telling her to lose weight or implying she should? I know this is shallow but I can't really choose who I find physically attractive and I can't help thinking if I found her slightly more physically attractive there would be nothing in the way anymore

This is one of those situations where neither side is particularly in the wrong. I don't think you're in the wrong for being honest about what you think. She shouldn't have to change her weight for anyone if she's happy. If she's put on a lot of weight since you've been together that's one thing but if she's the same weight as when you got together it seems a bit unfair to object now. If you've never found her attractive then you shouldn't have dated in the first place.

You could do untold damage to her self-esteem by telling her. Or she might appreciate your honestly and lose the weight. She could kick you in the face. She could tell you about any shortcomings you might have... You just can't tell and I'd personally not risk it.

Reply 35

stargirl63

17

There's also a bit of a long way of talking about your self esteem? Say some bs about maybe not being as confident as you would like to be etc and watch her open up to you. She may say she doesn't like her weight, and then you can come in a hero and all supportive.

Reply 36

HarryJames

OP

11

Original post by stargirl63

There's also a bit of a long way of talking about your self esteem? Say some bs about maybe not being as confident as you would like to be etc and watch her open up to you. She may say she doesn't like her weight, and then you can come in a hero and all supportive.

The only problem is we don't have 'deep' conversations but yeah I could definitely try this

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Reply 37

ilex_noemi

11

... Find someone who is more on your lower, shallow level.

If you do not find her attractive, then find someone else. If you want a relationship with someone then you shouldn't be trying to change them.