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Flatmate's Boyfriend staying in whilst she's out

Hey TSR, hope you can help...

My flatmate (J) has recently (last two weeks) started having this guy over, almost everyday. Haven't really had the chance to speak to him, nor have any of the other flatmates either.

We don't mind him being round, because we have no problem with J, or anyone having a relationship.

However J has been out on placement (She is a nurse, as is the rest of the flat) and whilst out she leaves him in the flat on his own. I don't mind this when either me or another flatmate is in. Just the other two flatmates and myself aren't comfortable about it when we are out, as none of our rooms have locks on them, so he can go in any of the rooms, without us knowing.

BTW it is not like for a few hours, it is like 07:00-21:00.

Also its getting to the stage where he's staying more than 4 times a week.

Should we say anything to J?

In the meantime, should I tell the boyfriend to leave, as Im going out to lectures, so don't want to leave him alone in the flat.??

Reply 1

manchesterunited15

What are you worried about? If it's theft then surely he won't steal anything as a) he'll be round there again so you'll see him and can confront him b) his girlfriend would know.

Anyway, can't you just buy a cheap lock and fit it to your door, assuming you're allowed.

Reply 2

Michaelj

Well, if he's not paying anything then that could be a reason to kick him out. I don't see why you're scared of him thieving though as he'll always be there and it's not like he can hide anything, you might as well suspect anyone of thieving if that's the case. Could be your best friend for all you know.

But yeah, if you're uncomfortable with him staying there then confront the girl. It should be upto her to sort it out.

Reply 3

doodle_333

having been in that position before and had my boyfriend be the one staying I think you're being a little harsh, if there isn't actually a reason to distrust him and he isn't causing problems then I wouldn't kick him out, if you pay bills and he is using lots of water/electricity it would be reasonable to ask for some extra money towards them but that's it really, get locks if you can and maybe ask your flatmate if oyu can all hang out together a few times so you can get to know him and feel more comfrtoable

Reply 4

superwolf

At the end of the day, you're paying rent, he isn't. To me that gives you the right to tell your flatmate you feel uncomfortable with him being round so much, especially when she isn't there. Doesn't particularly matter if it turns out he is trustworthy, right now you don't know and you shouldn't have to feel like you're running that risk.

I've been on both sides of the situation - made to feel like I couldn't walk around in my own home by the girlfriend of a housemate, and also accidentally pissing off my flatmates by having a friend round a lot more than they wanted (in my defence, they waited about three months before breathing a word to me about this, and then it was less a word and more a drunken screaming tirade... :tongue: