I love my girlfriend but don't find her sexually attractive

A year and a half with someone you've never found physically attractive - what's wrong with you?

Break up with her man.

Or disregard your morals and get another chick on the side.

Mate its 3am what's wrong with you

have you all ever thought that the OP might be too ugly/socially inept to get a better looking girlfriend, so he is forced to settle for an ugly girl who he doesn't find physically attractive? just a thought.

I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 21 and we have been together for one and a half years now. We love each other and get on very well together, but there is also a big problem.

I was always taught that when it comes to a relationship looks don't matter, that's it's all about the personality. I then wen't for a girl who is an awesome person but who I don't really find sexually attractive.

We've been together for long and now this has really started causing problems to our relationship. I get quite uncomfortable when we get intimate and have sex as I'm not really sexually attracted to her. She has also always been very insecure about her looks and has been telling me that I'm out of her league etc, which itself is quite a turnoff. I sometimes think about other fantasies when we have sex which makes it a little easier for me but I realise this is very wrong.

I love her regardless and we do have a good time together in general and both love eachother.

Can a realtionship work just based on being attracted to someone's personality? I am now a shallow person but I'm starting to learn that maybe you need to have that lust and passion to keep a relationship going.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Please don't just reply "Break up with her" etc, I would much rather hear a bit more if you think it can work or not or if you have experienced something like this yourself.

It's possible.

I'm not physically attracted to my boyfriend, but emotionally, we're very close and I like feeling desired sexually. The sex is passionate and about how we make eachother feel, not what's being looked at. It's taken a long time though... Honestly we had issues with him not initiating out of insecurity and drinking too much but we're getting better and better.

She needs to grow more confident in herself and perhaps if you are both more in the moment rather than focusing on things that displease you aesthetically it can work. How actively engaged is she in sex? If she doesn't have the confidence to be more forward and attempt to seduce you or take a bigger role there lies the problem. Again I don't find my BF the prettiest but when he looks at me like he wants me it's a turn on.When he is confident enough to explore my body and take charge it's a turn on.

Maybe some sexy lingerie or dress up would be nicer for you to look at and empowering for her?

have you all ever thought that the OP might be too ugly/socially inept to get a better looking girlfriend, so he is forced to settle for an ugly girl who he doesn't find physically attractive? just a thought.

If you find yourself feeling false, acting up, growing distant, treating her badly because you're lacking peace of mind then you need to back up and take some perspective. It's about a mutual respect, and a balance. These doubts you have now aren't going to get any better with time... Better you face up to them now, rather than when you have responsibilities and a ring on the finger.

Although ultimately the issues you have are superficial, they obviously matter. If they don't go away how can you possibly remain comfortable in the relationship in the long term. Its not fair on you or her.

You can't pretend to feel what she feels. You may even end up resenting her for having what you don't have in the relationship. Rather you go on a break and then realise what you're missing and commit to her, than carry on and walk into something more serious that you regret. If it's not meant to be after a break, then best for both of you surely?

It's possible.

I'm not physically attracted to my boyfriend, but emotionally, we're very close and I like feeling desired sexually. The sex is passionate and about how we make eachother feel, not what's being looked at. It's taken a long time though... Honestly we had issues with him not initiating out of insecurity and drinking too much but we're getting better and better.

She needs to grow more confident in herself and perhaps if you are both more in the moment rather than focusing on things that displease you aesthetically it can work. How actively engaged is she in sex? If she doesn't have the confidence to be more forward and attempt to seduce you or take a bigger role there lies the problem. Again I don't find my BF the prettiest but when he looks at me like he wants me it's a turn on.When he is confident enough to explore my body and take charge it's a turn on.

Maybe some sexy lingerie or dress up would be nicer for you to look at and empowering for her?

I think people expect too much from relationships sometimes. If everything is perfect but there's a little lack of sexual attraction then on average you probably have it better than a lot of couples. Think seriously about this before spoiling something you might not find again...as an aside, being uncomfortable during sex can be caused by other things, are you sure it's about attraction?


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Not possible man. Physical attraction is extremely important in a relationship. Just as a healthy sex life can make everything in a relationship better, a bad sex life can make everything worse.

It may be hard, but break up with her!

Sounds like you do like her, might as well stay with her. You guys will eventually break up, but stay if you wanna stay for the now.

I think it can work, but only to the degree that it has 'worked' so far for you two, i.e., you have somehow managed to overlook your lack of attarction and still have sex and so on.

I suppose the underlying question here is: Is your love for her enough that you are willing and able to be passionate and intimate with her regardless of not finding her sexually attractive? If it is, then do it and have no regrets, but if it isn't then I think you should try to look for a better match.

Best of luck with it.

Why the **** did you get in a relationship with her, then?

Leave her so she can be with someone who actually properly finds her attractive. Looks are important in a non-platonic relationship for the vast majority of people, don't tie someone up in one if you don't think they're attractive enough

I'm sorry but I don't think you can be truly in love someone you don't find physically attractive. You may care about them a lot and get on with them as friends but there is more to a relationship than that just as there is more to a relationship than sex. It's a mixture of all of these factors which is why it's not easy to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Surely you can never even tell her she looks beautiful/sexy or if you do, you must be lying?