Is this really fair or what? Just lost a friend because of some jelous person!
Ok so a guy who ive been chatting to online for like 8 years has just deleted me. Ive never met him in real life but I felt we have really supported each other through stuff we talked most nights. Ive never particularly wanted a relationship with him (though Ive never wanted a relationship with anyone yet lol) but he was always asking to meet up etc I just enjoyed the friendship. He was always saying how 'great' I was and that he enjoyed chatting. Even though Ive never met him I feel like Ive lost something important to me lol. He left a message and Im just like a bit shocked 
I feel like someone has just barged in and taken a friend away! I can understand not chatting but I feel its unfair that Ive just been deleted and then thats it I cant never talk to him again
Im not a flirter Ive no sex drive whatsoever compared to most (never even had a bf im not looking) it was him who was always wanted to meet up and was flirting etc. I didnt really acknowledge it much I just valued having someone to talk to since Ive hardly any friends in real life I felt I could tell him anything. Feel like Ive just been disposed of simply because of my gender. Contradicts everything he told me all these years that he valued our friendship etc. Just makes me think that friendship means nothing and that we are just alone really. He would have done this even if we had met. So its like friendships suddenly end when people find a mate?? I might sound cheesy saying ive never met him in real life but yea, just wanted opinions how would u feel :/
He just left this message on fb:
hey rach. My girlfriend feels a bit uncomfortable with me chatting to someone who i've flirted with and attempted relationships with in the past, and i can see her point, especially how I'm so used to doing it I don't even realise that I do it most times. But obviously I love her, and I have to do everything I can to make her happy and reassure her, please don't think this is anyway a problem with you, basically i can't risk ruining things with her, so i need to break off from our chats (never was getting either of us anywhere eh? Who'd have thought 10 miles or so would be such a long way to travel, still not managed it in 8 years!). I wish you all the best with work, and your running around in the gym, and life in general. Thankyou for the chats, was fun.
I feel like someone has just barged in and taken a friend away! I can understand not chatting but I feel its unfair that Ive just been deleted and then thats it I cant never talk to him again
Im not a flirter Ive no sex drive whatsoever compared to most (never even had a bf im not looking) it was him who was always wanted to meet up and was flirting etc. I didnt really acknowledge it much I just valued having someone to talk to since Ive hardly any friends in real life I felt I could tell him anything. Feel like Ive just been disposed of simply because of my gender. Contradicts everything he told me all these years that he valued our friendship etc. Just makes me think that friendship means nothing and that we are just alone really. He would have done this even if we had met. So its like friendships suddenly end when people find a mate?? I might sound cheesy saying ive never met him in real life but yea, just wanted opinions how would u feel :/He just left this message on fb:
hey rach. My girlfriend feels a bit uncomfortable with me chatting to someone who i've flirted with and attempted relationships with in the past, and i can see her point, especially how I'm so used to doing it I don't even realise that I do it most times. But obviously I love her, and I have to do everything I can to make her happy and reassure her, please don't think this is anyway a problem with you, basically i can't risk ruining things with her, so i need to break off from our chats (never was getting either of us anywhere eh? Who'd have thought 10 miles or so would be such a long way to travel, still not managed it in 8 years!). I wish you all the best with work, and your running around in the gym, and life in general. Thankyou for the chats, was fun.
(edited 10 years ago)
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How is that possible? Chatting online for 8 years without a single meet up....
Original post by djpailo
Firstly, remove the message, he can see it. Secondly, his reasons are clear. All you can do is try and talk to him and see if he can be less flirty with you during your chats. But it sounds like he has made his decision.
He cant see it he doesnt use this forum. He's deleted me from facebook so he doesnt want anymore chats. Whats the point in friendships though if they suddenly dont exist because of one person
It just seems childish to me if people cant chat just because someone has got close to someone else, Im only an online friend.
Original post by inthedark1
He cant see it he doesnt use this forum. He's deleted me from facebook so he doesnt want anymore chats. Whats the point in friendships though if they suddenly dont exist because of one person
It just seems childish to me if people cant chat just because someone has got close to someone else, Im only an online friend.
It just seems childish to me if people cant chat just because someone has got close to someone else, Im only an online friend.
It is quite clear that he was more interested in turning it into something else than you ever were, at various points throughout the eight years. He said as much in his message. Therefore you are not 'just' someone he has chatted to for eight years; you're a previous love interest/crush. While it does suck that various 'iffy' friendships get mercilessly cut when someone gets into a relationship, it's generally for the best for everyone involved if the potential complications for one or all of the people involved were so great that they prompted an end to the friendship.
Original post by inthedark1
He cant see it he doesnt use this forum. He's deleted me from facebook so he doesnt want anymore chats. Whats the point in friendships though if they suddenly dont exist because of one person
It just seems childish to me if people cant chat just because someone has got close to someone else, Im only an online friend.
It just seems childish to me if people cant chat just because someone has got close to someone else, Im only an online friend.
The thing is, it was an online chat, you never met up, so he has no obligation to really do anything else. Its like when you play a game with friends online who you never meet. You might become attached to them, but at the end of the day, its all online, it isn't your life.
He probably has been a little drastic in his decision and how he told you, but truthfully, his girlfriend has probably been nagging him a while about it (just guessing).
Original post by Ronove
It is quite clear that he was more interested in turning it into something else than you ever were, at various points throughout the eight years. He said as much in his message. Therefore you are not 'just' someone he has chatted to for eight years; you're a previous love interest/crush. While it does suck that various 'iffy' friendships get mercilessly cut when someone gets into a relationship, it's generally for the best for everyone involved if the potential complications for one or all of the people involved were so great that they prompted an end to the friendship.
Yea but Im only an online friend it just all seems a bit soft lol! I wanted to ask him how long is he breaking the friendship off for ..forever or just as long as the relationship lasts. I didnt say it tho.
Original post by inthedark1
Yea but Im only an online friend it just all seems a bit soft lol! I wanted to ask him how long is he breaking the friendship off for ..forever or just as long as the relationship lasts. I didnt say it tho.
Plenty of people have online relationships and/or get together after meeting online. It doesn't make you any less real a 'love interest'. Depending on how much you talked, it's going to take his girlfriend a fairly long time to get to know him as well as you do after eight years of chatting. Imagine how awkward that could make her feel.
I know exactly how this feels, especially with somebody who I was so close to for such a long time!
I have learnt to understand that, nothing ever lasts forever, and don't ever take anything for granted,
You can't trust anybody in this world, you can only trust yourself.
Be prepared to lose people, because that's what life is about, it's such a shame that this has happened, it seems as though you obviously really cared for this individual as a friend.
I do think you should take the message down, in case somehow he sees it, and then knows that you're actually bothered about it.
I have learnt to understand that, nothing ever lasts forever, and don't ever take anything for granted,
You can't trust anybody in this world, you can only trust yourself.
Be prepared to lose people, because that's what life is about, it's such a shame that this has happened, it seems as though you obviously really cared for this individual as a friend.
I do think you should take the message down, in case somehow he sees it, and then knows that you're actually bothered about it.
Original post by djpailo
The thing is, it was an online chat, you never met up, so he has no obligation to really do anything else. Its like when you play a game with friends online who you never meet. You might become attached to them, but at the end of the day, its all online, it isn't your life.
He probably has been a little drastic in his decision and how he told you, but truthfully, his girlfriend has probably been nagging him a while about it (just guessing).
He probably has been a little drastic in his decision and how he told you, but truthfully, his girlfriend has probably been nagging him a while about it (just guessing).
Not sure but I think they have only known each other for a few months. they had ended it once he was typing stuff like 'my head is a mess' 'what will be will be' on facebook not long ago lol.
Original post by inthedark1
Yea but Im only an online friend it just all seems a bit soft lol! I wanted to ask him how long is he breaking the friendship off for ..forever or just as long as the relationship lasts. I didnt say it tho.
What makes you think the relationship won't last for years to come?
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Original post by addylad
It might last for years, months or weeks who knows.
Anyway thats it! My dog is my best (and only) friend now. Not sure if he would be if he actually had the choice but yea he's here for me. Probably cause he's trapped in the house lol but still
If you never hit on him, or flirted with him, or never tried it on (and by your accounts it seems you never did this) i can see why from your point of view it is harsh and sudden and unfair on him to bail out on you.
However, you do need to try to understand it from his point of view. His gf is very real in his life, a constant whom obviously he wants. If the case is that she is not happy with his bf flirting, then you can understand why she doesnt want him talking with you. Granted, its not your fault per se, but still, you should be able to see and understand the reasons.
Maybe the gf will calm down after a while. Maybe they are going through a rocky patch.
However, you should never become over reliant on anyone, let alone an online person whom you have never met. Its not healthy.
However, you do need to try to understand it from his point of view. His gf is very real in his life, a constant whom obviously he wants. If the case is that she is not happy with his bf flirting, then you can understand why she doesnt want him talking with you. Granted, its not your fault per se, but still, you should be able to see and understand the reasons.
Maybe the gf will calm down after a while. Maybe they are going through a rocky patch.
However, you should never become over reliant on anyone, let alone an online person whom you have never met. Its not healthy.
Original post by Spongebob'sPants
If you never hit on him, or flirted with him, or never tried it on (and by your accounts it seems you never did this) i can see why from your point of view it is harsh and sudden and unfair on him to bail out on you.
However, you do need to try to understand it from his point of view. His gf is very real in his life, a constant whom obviously he wants. If the case is that she is not happy with his bf flirting, then you can understand why she doesnt want him talking with you. Granted, its not your fault per se, but still, you should be able to see and understand the reasons.
Maybe the gf will calm down after a while. Maybe they are going through a rocky patch.
However, you should never become over reliant on anyone, let alone an online person whom you have never met. Its not healthy.
However, you do need to try to understand it from his point of view. His gf is very real in his life, a constant whom obviously he wants. If the case is that she is not happy with his bf flirting, then you can understand why she doesnt want him talking with you. Granted, its not your fault per se, but still, you should be able to see and understand the reasons.
Maybe the gf will calm down after a while. Maybe they are going through a rocky patch.
However, you should never become over reliant on anyone, let alone an online person whom you have never met. Its not healthy.
He doesnt have to flirt tho
I don't flirt. It still seems childish almost like some school playground attitude where you are either friends with someone or not lol. Its like he was my friend for all this time then someone comes along and demands us to not speak anymore. I would feel guilty if I did this if I ever got a bf I wouldnt encourage him to break a friendship up. Id just think to myself stop being paranoid, if he has the character where he is going to flirt/cheat getting rid of me will not stop him from doing it with other females. Unless she has him in a cage lolOriginal post by Nerd2
Find a new pen pal, there must be a tonne of lonely people on TSR you could talk to.
blehh
Thanks for the replies btw, I just wanted to discuss this as Ive no close friends in real life (not being negative its a fact Ive always chose to be a loner). Hm actually I wouldnt talk about it anyway as people would be like 'get over it you never met him'. Id usually talk to him about stuff that bothered me but I'l just have to try and make some friends, maybe some real life ones who knows. : p
I don't think he's deleted you because of anything you did, or because he didn't value your friendship. It's just unfortunate that his new girlfriend felt threatened (presumably because he had flirted with you in the past and probably had unresolved feelings for you, which she sensed) and she asked him to choose.
It's a nice note to you, he's made a good effort to explain his decision. Try to be thankful that you had the friendship rather than sorry that he has now chosen real life.
It's a nice note to you, he's made a good effort to explain his decision. Try to be thankful that you had the friendship rather than sorry that he has now chosen real life.
Original post by Voltozonic
Sounds fair to me. It's kinda clear from what he's written that he was looking for more than just someone to talk to over the net and was quite interested in you. Almost sounds like he slightly resents you after 8 years of not getting anywhere. Did you ever tell him flat out that you weren't interested in anything that way ? Ignoring him doesn't count...
Anyway, now that he's gotten his girlfriend and he seems to like her, he's no longer interested.
Anyway, now that he's gotten his girlfriend and he seems to like her, he's no longer interested.
I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship but it seemed to me he just wanted sex more than anything he was very forward. He was one of those who didnt get any/have a gf for years and years and I think he was missing this. But I dont want sex unless i fancy someone and am in a relatonship. So he didnt value the friendship? More the benefits side of it?
I think he does resent me for not meeting has done for ages but Im a bit of a coward I was scared of what he would think and didnt want to get into something that was hard to get out of. Im not very blunt/assertive.
I dont know why he had to delete me, we could just have not chatted. A girl deleted me a few months ago who I studied with/thought was becomming a friend its annoying. Im gonna have no facebook friends lol, talk about damage to reputation!
(edited 10 years ago)
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