sexuality issues :/ any advice welcome.

Hi, my name is Amber. I'm 15 years old, single and to be honest I don't know what my sexuality is. I've been with guys and done stuff I probably shouldn't, I've also done some stuff with one girl who took advantage of me when I was 13 :/ I am still a virgin though. I've never been properly involved with a female because there aren't any bisexual or lesbians I know of in my area but I think that I could be bisexual. I've thought about being will girls and I find girls physically attractive. I need suggestions as to how I can find out if i'm gay, straight or bi. :confused:

thanks
x

Reply 1

Treeroy

Do you fantasise about guys as well or is it only girls? Do you masturbate over just girls?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

yeah about both but I watch lesbian videos to masturbate because I don't like that the videos are only about guys cumming.

Reply 3

Treeroy

Fair enough (though guys cumming is HOT lol :smile:

).

If you fantasise about both then there's a good chance you are bi. Though I thought I was bi, then realised I'm gay.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it :smile:

I've been through this so know what it's like.

Reply 4

Tortious

Original post by Anonymous

thanks
x

Hey Amber,

I really wouldn't worry about labelling yourself as anything in particular. I can appreciate that it's difficult to work out who you are, and you feel like having this label will solve your problems, but at the end of the day it's just a word. What's far more important is that you do what feels right to you, regardless of what you think other people might say - and that's a philosophy you should follow generally.

Being a teenager is a pretty confusing time for most people, given that your hormones are all over the place, so I wouldn't let your feelings of "confusion" trouble you. Also, you can't read into your porn habits too much because porn is notoriously artificial - as you say, quite often it centres around the guy, so it's not really representative of "sex" between people. (Some porn also suggests that the only "proper" way to have sex is with penetration - which LGBT people everywhere will tell you is not the case!)

The best thing you can do is give yourself time to reflect and adjust to the idea that you might not be entirely straight. If you're bisexual or gay, that's great, but so is being straight - and just being bi-curious is absolutely fine too. Something I found quite helpful when working out my sexuality was thinking about who my crushes were on when I was growing up, and also who I seemed to "notice" in the street as attractive. (Don't get me wrong - I can identify guys who people would find attractive, but I found myself looking at girls a lot more often.)

Anyway, like Treeroy, feel free to drop me a private message if you fancy a chat. It should go without saying, but I won't disclose your identity. :nah:

It does get easier though, I promise. :hugs:

Reply 5

Treeroy

Original post by Tortious

I really wouldn't worry about labelling yourself as anything in particular. I can appreciate that it's difficult to work out who you are, and you feel like having this label will solve your problems, but at the end of the day it's just a word. What's far more important is that you do what feels right to you, regardless of what you think other people might say - and that's a philosophy you should follow generally.

Hmm, I disagree with this whole "it's just a label" thing. The word has meaning, too - finding yourself isn't about wanting to stick a label on yourself, it's about determining who you're attracted to; no, it shouldn't matter, but it does, and people want to know who they really are. It's a pretty big part of your identity so I get why people want to know whether they're gay/bi/straight. It's a lot more than just a word.

Reply 6

Tortious

Original post by Treeroy

Yes, I appreciate that words are important, but I think you're at risk of getting bogged down in semantics. It's more important to say "I'm attracted to men and women" than "I'm bisexual" - does that mean you're not attracted to genderfluid people? If you are, shouldn't you be calling yourself "pansexual"?

Given that LGBT+ society is generally pretty inclusive, I'd argue that OP should walk before she tries to run, is all.

Reply 7

Treeroy

Original post by Tortious

Those phrases mean the same thing :/ it's just easier to use the latter since it's shorter. You're looking too far into it :smile:

and "genderfluid" people are virtually non-existent anyway so that doesn't really matter.

I would agree that you should go at whatever pace suits you, but that doesn't have much to do with this imo. She's trying to figure out who she is, that's all :/ it's a fairly important thing to a lot of people in case you hadn't noticed.

Reply 8

Tortious

Original post by Treeroy

Those phrases mean the same thing :/ it's just easier to use the latter since it's shorter. You're looking too far into it :smile:

This will be my last post so that I don't derail the thread.

1) Bisexuality and pansexuality aren't the same thing. Also, your assertion that " 'genderfluid' people are virtually non-existent anyway so that doesn't really matter" doesn't excuse not taking them into account - that essentially amounts to erasure. By the same token, why should we care about trans* people, or other minorities?

2) I'm not saying she shouldn't figure out who she is, so there's no need to be patronising. I'm saying that she should do what feels right and not pin her hopes on a constraining label being some kind of silver bullet.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 9

superwolf

Original post by Tortious

This will be my last post so that I don't derail the thread.

1) Bisexuality and pansexuality aren't the same thing. Also, your assertion that 'genderfluid' people are virtually non-existent anyway so that doesn't really matter" doesn't excuse not taking them into account - that essentially amounts to erasure. By the same token, why should we care about trans* people, or other minorities?

2) I'm not saying she shouldn't figure out who she is, so there's no need to be patronising. I'm saying that she should do what feels right and not pin her hopes on a constraining label being some kind of silver bullet.

As a pansexual person I approve of this post! :awesome:

OP remember that you don't have to make some big ultimate decision about being straight/gay/whatever floats your boat - it's perfectly fine for you to currently consider yourself one thing (or not be sure for now), then further down the line find that you identify more with another group of people. I'm 26 and my sexuality's been all over the place, it's only over the past two or three years that I've really 'settled into' a sexual identity. I didn't/don't see this as a problem, the important thing to me is just to be comfortable with who you are. :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

but I think I would like to try a relationship with a girl but its hard for my age because of homophobia and pretty much no openly gay/bi/pan people :/

Reply 11

ParadoxSocks

Original post by Anonymous

but I think I would like to try a relationship with a girl but its hard for my age because of homophobia and pretty much no openly gay/bi/pan people :/

Go to the places that are openly gay. There are loads of LGBTQ youth groups that are awesome for getting to know other teens. Definitely worth checking out if you fancy that.

Otherwise it's literally just a case of not pushing anything and waiting to see what happens. Opportunities will arise and you can deal with them as they come. You don't need to go chasing them. You'll learn the little signs and signals that people who are attracted to you give out so just wait and see what happens.

Reply 12

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

thanks
x

Hi Amber, I'm 18 and also a virgin and I also am clueless about my sexuality. As it stands at the moment I'm bi-curious. So I'm in the same boat and have been for longer.
My advice for you, don't rush anything, keep an open mind about your sexuality. If the opportunity comes along for you to experiment with a girl in a situation where you are more comfortable, then take it providing it is what you want! Don't engage with someone who you don't feel comfortable with.
Finally, don't worry just because you don't know exactly what you are yet, you have your life to find out and what ever you become, you won't be judged by the general populous. I hope I have helped. If you want someone to talk to then reply to me and we'll sort something out!

Good luck :smile:

Reply 13

und3niable_

Original post by Anonymous

but I think I would like to try a relationship with a girl but its hard for my age because of homophobia and pretty much no openly gay/bi/pan people :/

Try join a group nearby or something of LGBTQI. Lol I'm 18 and still don't know if I'm gay or bi (if we're putting labels on it)

Reply 14

und3niable_

Original post by Anonymous

This.

Yes you're bi.

Original post by Anonymous

thanks
x

I wouldnt worry too much about trying to fit yourself under a label as such - especially at 15. You have a lot of time to explore your sexuality (such as when you're actually legal) without rushing to lump yourself into a group that you may feel differently about or regret in a few years. Not only that but a lot of people will want to do their own labeling of you - my advice would be not to come out at school as a lot of people can be very abusive towards non-straights - and even some gay people can be very abusive to bisexuals. Just sleep with who you want when you want and you will come to learn what you enjoy. If you want to label yourself later in life then go for it but right now just enjoy being 15 and stop worrying so much!

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

thank you all for the comments they have made me re-evaluate the pressures of 'labelling' and it means so much that you took the time to comment. thank you all :heart: