My girlfriend has put on weight.

It didn't bother me at first, but now its getting to me. At the beginning of our relationship she would watch what she eats and was slim. I'm glad she feels comfortable in the relationship to eat what she wants now, but i feel she's getting too comfortable and is letting her weight go. I keep my body nice by going to the gym and playing football is it too much to ask for her to make her body slim again? She always mentions that she's put on weight but never does anything about it, maybe I've been wrong assuring her that as long as she feels comfortable.
We are different I love the gym she hates it but i know for a fact if we weren't together she'd be slimmer. Its got to the stage where I've noticed my eyes wonder when seeing slim looking girls.
Normally I'd say something but she used to make herself throw up when she was younger. I don't want her to end up doing something like that again because i called her fat.

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Reply 1

RightSaidJames

Bumped as this took a while to be approved.

OP, if her putting on weight bothers you then I think you need to have an honest discussion with your girlfriend about this. A possible way of dealing with the issue would be to focus the conversation on fitness/health rather than her weight or how she looks, and maybe you could suggest exercising together? You could even suggest doing stuff outside of the gym (e.g. walking, jogging) if she would prefer that.

Reply 2

Katie_p

Next time she says something about it, say that she could come to the gym with you, or you could both try to eat more healthily, if she wants to do something about it. If you wait for her to bring it up, it's not going to sound as mean, and by offering to help her, and do it with her, even if you don't think you need to, it is less judgemental.
You say she hates the gym, but is there anything else you could do together? Running, cycling, swimming etc. At the end of the day, if she doesn't want to change, you have to decide if you can put up with it, but if she wants to, then you just have to help her do it.

Reply 3

economist2

Hey man,if it makes you feel any better...I dont even have a fat girlfriend... :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

It's her body, she can do what she wants.
You could bring it up in a subtle way, but don't force her to lose weight.

This post misused the anon function. Before posting anonymously, please read the H&R guidelines - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/guidelines_for_health_and_relationships

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 5

RHCPfan

Could you not suggest running together? Get round it by saying you'd like someone to go with and it would be nice to spend the time together?

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

It's her body, she can do what she wants.
You could bring it up in a subtle way, but don't force her to lose weight.

It's his relationship. He can be unhappy with it if he wants.

This post misused the anon function. Before posting anonymously, please read the H&R guidelines - http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/guidelines_for_health_and_relationships

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 7

Anonymous #4

Have an honest conversation and tell her how you feel. You can't really do anything else. If she won't lose weight after that, then it's your choice after that to act accordingly. Don't try and skirt around the issue and go at it from a 'concerned about your health' angle for e.g- because you're not-at least not about the actual weight issue itself. She'll know you're lying if you bull****. Since you are concerned about her regressing back into an eating disorder- talk to her about this and think about how you can help her to not slip into this unhealthy mentality again.

Reply 8

ChocoCoatedLemons

I'm seconding everyone who's suggested asking to do stuff together. That's a much better way than just telling her she's fat and you don't like it.

Reply 9

katyness

Original post by ChocoCoatedLemons

I'm seconding everyone who's suggested asking to do stuff together. That's a much better way than just telling her she's fat and you don't like it.

This. I can totally relate to you because I usually watch my weight and stuff but lately I've been eating a lot much. I haven't been to the gym in a week which is weird because I used to go every day.

But good luck getting your girlfriend back to shape.

Reply 10

ChocoCoatedLemons

Original post by katyness

I've been losing weight this year (it's bloody difficult, ugh) - so gym tonight, gym nearly every night. :biggrin:

Good look OP - but be very careful with her former eating disorder. Keep an eye on it.

Reply 11

Anonymous #5

I'm in the same situation as you OP.

When I met my g/f she was just stunningly beautiful. She's put on a bit of weight, (nothing drastic) and some other stuff has happened like lots of acne. It's been small changes but she looks very different to when we got together.

I'm not really critical of her. I work out all the time, I look after what I eat. Ask her to join me but she's too lazy.

If I give her tips on how to look after skin or something she just says 'stop talking about it, you are making me concious'.

I'm trying not to be a prick. At home I always criticise my mum and my sister if they eat bad or something. Tough love. I don't feel comfortable doing that with my g/f.

We are definitely breaking it off in August 2014 (before we both go to Uni) but if she looked after her body I'd consider carrying it on.

I know I'm coming across as incredibly shallow. I'm not. I just think if I look after my self and keep myself in peak condition my partner should too. If I am going to be with a girl I want to know she won't balloon and that I won't lose interest/have an affair.

Reply 12

username1315644

Tbh, if you are trying to lose weight not putting the food in your mouth in the first place is generally a better tactic than trying to work it off in the gym, most people put on weight because they overeat not under exercise. General rule is 500 cals under per day will lose ~1lb a week in theory at least. 500 cals in the gym is no joke, 5 mins on the cross trainer then messing about with some other stuff won't cut it, and that is per day, assuming 7 days a week. Getting her to come to the gym with you once a week isn't going to do it.

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

It's his relationship. He can be unhappy with it if he wants.

True, but it's not his place to make someone lose weight.

This post misused the anon function. Before posting anonymously, please read the H&R guidelines -http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki..._relationships

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 14

superwolf

Ok, bear with me here but... pole dancing! I know tons of girls who have a great time doing pole dancing (and who wouldn't be seen dead at the gym), it gets you really fit, makes you feel sexy, :sexface:

and is almost definitely going to be an all-girl class if she's lacking in confidence about her body. Also you can suggest it to her in a way that suggests that you find her really attractive now, so think how gorgeous she'll look in hotpants up a pole. :drool:

Could even buy her some introductory lessons as a Christmas present. :smile:

Reply 15

DoctorInTraining

Original post by Anonymous

If she has history of a previous eating disorder you are on very very volatile ground!

You are not wrong reassuring her -but NEVER call her fat!

Roughly how much weight? Over what time frame?

Are there any activities she does enjoy? Hockey? Netball? Walking? Yoga?

You can try more subtle things like instead of going for an indian, going for a fish dinner.... skipping puddings and extras..... suggesting you walk to somewhere nearby rather than drive/bus........more sex? That burns calories!

If you are starting to find her less attractive (or looking elsewhere) then now is the time for subtle changes.

I would avoid flat out telling her at the moment because of the purging history.

Reply 16

SharminaSyeda

Don't directly announce you're getting fat, if someone said this to me I would take it to heart literally! Be subtle around the subject, be all let's go for a run together or buy low fat stuff and be like it still tastes the same

Reply 17

Table dust

talk her for walks more often

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 18

username1302246

Tell her what you honestly think.
Don't just bluntly call her fat and end it there. Have a small talk about it, and I'm sure she'll consider it.

Reply 19

Chihiro95

No matter how you put it she's going to take offence. This is a girl that's been insecure enough in the past to throw up. Those feelings don't go away that easily so any comments about her weight are going to make her feel like ****.