My boyfriend doesn't want me to go UNI

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Um, long distance relationship? Isn't your education just as important?

It really sounds as though he doesn't trust the OP. Couldn't be with someone who doesn't trust me in this way.

No, not to me personally

Reply 21

Pinkhead

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

What?

She'd be selfish to get a job that would require her to leave her bf at home.

Reply 22

MrSuavetopia

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

I agree he's being insecure but she's equally being selfish for wanting to move away. She's already comitted to him

I'd rather take the chance. Hapiness > Money

Selfish for electing to do what she likes even if her partner disagrees?

And sure happiness can be better than money to some. But I can guarantee there isn't gonna be much happiness should a break up occur and no uni place was secured.

Reply 23

Solemn Rain

Tell him to man up! Or dump him. He is an embarrassment to all the man out there.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 24

MelanieDickson

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

If you're in a relationship, that should be more important to you. My partner, friends and family are more important to me than anything else, and I would go to a lesser uni to be with them

I don't really get this 'should' thing. 'What's important to you' isn't detailed in some contract you sign at birth. Relationships aren't black and white. They're dynamic, subjective and particular to each individual. Your significant might be more important than your future to you, or they might not. That entirely depends on a range of things, from the person, to how long they've been with you, to what your history is, to how far you want to go, to how long you'll be gone, to how badly you need money, to how important your career is to your identity, etc etc etc etc... I don't see who you could ever simplify that to "If you're in a relationship, that's that."

Reply 25

CodeJack

How about talking to him about things. The girls in this thread commenting "Oh he's a dick" are no help. They probably haven't even been in that situation. It's not really insecure of him because it happens a lot and it happened to me. Being apart puts a strain on a relationship and there's a lot of drunk guys out there and you'll be constantly hit on. He doesn't like that thought. Try to see eye to say, instead of just making him see your way.

Obviously uni is very important and you'll be going, but try and find the best way to keep a relationship through that? Understand each other.

Reply 26

Octopus_Garden

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

I agree he's being insecure but she's equally being selfish for wanting to move away. She's already comitted to him

What contractual commitment has she made?

Is this the one where we expect women to sacrifice their futures for a bloke who can't be bothered to commit anything back? Yes, yes it is.

One adjusts one's university plans for things like spouses (although, you know, actual adults often realise that having money to live on requires that one isn't joined at the hip) and family responsibilities. That's dependents, such as children and people for whom you are a carer.

It's not your perfectly fit parents, and it's not a boyfriend of three years.

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

What?

If your family (read: parents) would let you place them above your future, then they are selfish. Quite common with daughters though.

Reply 27

Little Boots

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

No, not to me personally

Having read what you've said I actually agree with you to an extent. People are much more important than money, but I'm not sure they're more important than an education you love. It depends on the reason she's going to uni. That said, it's definitely true that happiness is the ultimate purpose and if they will be happy together than perhaps they should be staying together.

Reply 28

Octopus_Garden

Original post by CodeJack

Been in that situation. Spent lots on rail fares. Got married. Had children.

Because I'm not pathetic enough to ask someone I love to give up university... Funny that...

Reply 29

MelanieDickson

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

I'd rather take the chance. Hapiness > Money

•

Won't be happy if you can't afford to heat your home in winter

•

Who even says people go to uni for money? Most people I know didn't. :confused:

Reply 30

Changing Skies

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

I'm the odd one out here but I think you're being selfish for going away

Unlike many, I totally see where you're coming from! It must be so difficult to see your partner move away, my sister was in a similar position with her boyfriend "wanting to move as far away as possible for uni", as he put it. Personally I think that's very selfish and shows a lack of consideration for your partner's feelings.

Of course the OP needs to be happy, but there are many universities available for her to study at so it's not as if he was forbidding her from getting an education, he was thinking about their relationship! :redface:

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Reply 31

spocckka

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

Because I prefer people not things?

What things?

Reply 32

aims890

Why can't he move to uni with you? Then you could go to uni without him worrying, as you would be living together.

Reply 33

MrSuavetopia

Original post by Lucy96

Personally I think that's very selfish and shows a lack of consideration for your partner's feelings.

So exactly what he is doing to her?

Reply 34

alow

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

I'm the odd one out here but I think you're being selfish for going away

Original post by Tyrion_Lannister

If you're in a relationship, that should be more important to you. My partner, friends and family are more important to me than anything else, and I would go to a lesser uni to be with them

I'm not sure if this is a joke, I didn't realise someone could be this ignorant.

It's 3 or 4 years, not forever.

Reply 35

Changing Skies

Original post by DivinityA

So exactly what he is doing to her?

I just think it's a bit cruel for people to criticise him when he simply cares about his girlfriend and doesn't want her to move away. I'm not saying he's totally in the right, but I think his motives are fair.

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Reply 36

slothgenius

I an really sorry if you find this offensive but I am not sure whether this is a healthy relationshil if he does not seem to respect or accept your aspirations. Having all these goals in life is great and really mature, but you should try to live your own life, not his, but yours. Make choices for yourself, be happy and you'll see how much it will benefit you. Good luck! xx

Original post by Anonymous

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years.

Since we've been together I've always talked about my aspirations for my future including going to UNI. Although now that it is getting closer to that time, applying and the work to get me there he is constantly avoiding those types of conversations when they come up.

He has also said "I'd rather you go to UNI in London, because you wont be able to afford to go out" - which really hurt me as it came across as he doesn't care about my welfare or education, as long as I can't meet guy on nights out. No matter how much I tell him we'll be fine and that he has to trust me as much as I have to trust him when I'm away, he has said that he is happy that is what I want but he's "scared".

Please could I have some advice from someone that has been in the same or similar situation as I'm worried that this wont work if he will be constantly paranoid and on my back when I'm busy at UNI.
Much appreciated

Reply 37

CodeJack

Original post by Octopus_Garden

Been in that situation. Spent lots on rail fares. Got married. Had children.

Because I'm not pathetic enough to ask someone I love to give up university... Funny that...