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What to get someone who is depressed for Christmas?

I know the title sounds bad and you shouldn't label someone as "depressed".

My older sister is struggling with depression, just dropped out of uni. I kind of want to get her something significant, or something that will help. She's on anti depressants which is tackling the biological side of the illness, but there must be something I can get her to give her a brighter outlook on life?

I was tempted by "The art of happiness" by the Dalai Lama, which I read bits of at a friend's house. But is that really insensitive? It's almost saying, here, have a book that might make you happy.

This sounds bad too but you know all those internet blogs that say "10 things you should never say/do to someone with depression". My automatic instinct is to do all those things. I want to show her how fantastic life is but everyone says that's unsympathetic and you don't understaaand.

So yeah, since a fair few of you in this forum probably have experienced depressed at some stage, what should I get her? She's talking about getting back into knitting so I was tempted by a big bumper bible book of knitting.

Any ideas at all would be fab. I just want to help her.
Original post by Anonymous
I know the title sounds bad and you shouldn't label someone as "depressed".

My older sister is struggling with depression, just dropped out of uni. I kind of want to get her something significant, or something that will help. She's on anti depressants which is tackling the biological side of the illness, but there must be something I can get her to give her a brighter outlook on life?

I was tempted by "The art of happiness" by the Dalai Lama, which I read bits of at a friend's house. But is that really insensitive? It's almost saying, here, have a book that might make you happy.

This sounds bad too but you know all those internet blogs that say "10 things you should never say/do to someone with depression". My automatic instinct is to do all those things. I want to show her how fantastic life is but everyone says that's unsympathetic and you don't understaaand.

So yeah, since a fair few of you in this forum probably have experienced depressed at some stage, what should I get her? She's talking about getting back into knitting so I was tempted by a big bumper bible book of knitting.

Any ideas at all would be fab. I just want to help her.


Honestly?
Forget about the fact she has depression when it comes to buying her something.
Get her something you know she really loves or has a great interest in. So the knitting book sounds like a great idea. Also if you handmade her something that would be really nice - shows you put thought in to it. Which is a really big thing for me, knowing that people have put thought in to it, I suffer from depression myself.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I know the title sounds bad and you shouldn't label someone as "depressed".

My older sister is struggling with depression, just dropped out of uni. I kind of want to get her something significant, or something that will help. She's on anti depressants which is tackling the biological side of the illness, but there must be something I can get her to give her a brighter outlook on life?

I was tempted by "The art of happiness" by the Dalai Lama, which I read bits of at a friend's house. But is that really insensitive? It's almost saying, here, have a book that might make you happy.

This sounds bad too but you know all those internet blogs that say "10 things you should never say/do to someone with depression". My automatic instinct is to do all those things. I want to show her how fantastic life is but everyone says that's unsympathetic and you don't understaaand.

So yeah, since a fair few of you in this forum probably have experienced depressed at some stage, what should I get her? She's talking about getting back into knitting so I was tempted by a big bumper bible book of knitting.

Any ideas at all would be fab. I just want to help her.


Is there anything that she used to like (or obsessed with) when she was younger? Such as a certain type of animal that always seemed to make her happier or something. If so, you could get her a plush toy. It may sound stupid and childish, but if she thinks about how happy she was in the past, and how much you care now, she may feel a little bit better.
Reply 3
It would be helpful if you tell us more about what your sister is interested in.

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Just get her something that links to her as a person, and not her as someone who suffers from depression, because she's still your sister.
I understand that you want to help, but in all truth, highlighting her depression isn't something she wants to focus on Christmas day...
I'd definitely avoid getting some present that makes reference to her depression. When you're depressed it's not something you can just snap out of by 'cheering up' or whatever so if she is in a depressive mood over Christmas it will do nothing to help, and if she's not she probably won't appreciate the reminder that she's having difficulty. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but trying to give her a 'brighter outlook on life', as you put it, will at best not make any difference and at worst will make her feel worse for the way her depression is clearly influencing the other people in her life (I say this as a depression sufferer myself - whenever people try to 'cheer me up' I tend to get grumpy or guilty that they've gone to the special effort). It might be OK to spend a bit more than usual on her to acknowledge that she's had a bad time of late, but I would definitely avoid trying to 'help' her in any way through your choice of present - as I say the last thing a depression sufferer wants is to be reminded of their illness.
The best thing you can give her is your time and support, and it sounds like you're already doing that. But I'm afraid that no matter how much you love her and want to 'give her a brighter outlook on life', nothing you can give her will cure her depression. Giving a self-help book would be like giving a book on physiotherapy exercises to someone with a broken leg - the last thing you'd want to find under the Christmas tree! So just get whatever you think she would normally enjoy (the knitting book/kit sounds great and shows you have been listening - or anything else based on her other interests .) She is still the same person inside. I would also add that she should not give up on the idea of uni. Many people have to take a break from their studies at some point (family problems, bereavement, physical/mental illness) and go on to successfully complete their degree.
Reply 7
It's really sweet of you to want to get her something that will help her, but honestly it's very unlikely you'll find an item that will be able to cure her depression. Think more about a thoughtful gift, something that will make her happy not because of the item but because of the thought you've put into it.

For example, get some family photos and start a small scrapbook of happy memories for her to continue with as a little extra thoughtful gift she will be able to look back at.

I agree with HairyCanary, don't think about her depression while you're buying her a gift, she'll appreciate thoughtful but nobody wants to be reminded of their sad times while they're happy on Christmas day!
Reply 8
Knitting books!!!

I've had depression for years, and doing hobbies like knitting has really helped keep up my spirits. :smile:

My favourite knitting books/ones I'd want as presents:
- Around the World in Knitted Socks (absolute favourite best book ever :tongue:)
- Op Art Socks (haven't got yet, but same author so bound to be good)
- Knitted Dinosaurs (it tells you how to knit dinosaurs. What's not to love?!)
- Folk Socks
- Folk Mittens
- Folk Knitting in Estonia
- 55 Christmas Balls to Knit (lets you make all the Christmas presents ever!)
- Latvian Mittens (very pretty, but patterns hard to follow)
- Norwegian Mittens and Gloves (haven't read but looks good)
- Mostly Mittens (haven't read but looks good too)
- Beyond the Square Crochet Motifs (a good intro to crochet if she's interested in trying that out :smile:)
Reply 9
There's a book called 'The Book of Awesome' by Neil Pasricha. It has great reviews and it's a collection of random awesome every day things in our lives. It might be a nice pick me up book for your sister.
The knitting book sounds like a lovely gift though!
How about tickets to something that you'd both enjoy, that you could go out and do together?
Reply 11
I'd forget about her depression and just buy her what you would otherwise. She'd probably hate to be treated differently because of her mental illness. If she wants to get back into knitting, get her some stuff to do with that, like a book or some patterns, or some wool and some knitting needles. That would also have the added benefit of giving her something to do, which could help her mood.
Reply 12
Alcohol.




Seriously though, I don't know.
(edited 10 years ago)
Reply 13
Don't make her feel like a victim - get her something normal. Getting her a book about happiness is just going to make her feel awkward, and probably worse, she can find stuff out like that by herself. Just get what you would for her any other year, if she can tell you've put effort into it she will like it - a gift from you is in no way going to 'cure' her or anything so just be thoughtful. She would appreciate maybe something she spoke about wanting a while ago over a book about happiness - she'd notice that you'd put a lot of thought into it, and realise that its significant as she asked for it a while ago and you remembered. If you can't remember anything just buy her an outfit or something, seriously don't go over the top - there is NO specific gift suitable for somebody that is depressed. This is in many ways not comparable and sounds a harsh way to end this post (and I'm not trying to argue that depression is as bad as cancer, I'm just trying to express that no specific gift is needed for this) but would you buy somebody with cancer a book about being healthy and free of disease? Hope this helped :smile:


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Reply 14
Depending on how bad the depression is, the best thing to have is something that is distracting but not too intensive.

So for example, a book or a film that was easy going rather than a weighty tome or a complicated thriller.

Just anything you don't have to concentrate too hard on and probably not a trip out (again depending on how bad the depression is and whether it is restricting her getting out much)
the book is a really nice idea but perhaps better suited to a general pick-me-up present rather than christmas as it will remind her that she is depressed

the book you said is really good, whereever you go there you are by jon kabat zinn is good too :smile:

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