FWB Confusion

Well I don't really think you've done anything wrong as you were in a friends with benefits relationship, but he doesn't sound very nice. Threatening you and calling you a whore, aren't nice traits in people, are they?


Are you still continuing this friends with benefits relationship with him?

Who started the relationship?

Basically I have lived with an ex partner since 2010 and we stopped having a physical relationship after about a year and have lived as friends/companions ever since as we get on very well.
At the end of 2011 I put an ad on a dating site and met the person who became the fwb - we agreed at the start that it would be just a friendship with chatting and sex. I got very attached though and as he wasn't as interested in me I got very hurt by how he acted towards me and w e had loads of rows in which I'd stop speaking and try to break off from him but end up resuming things again as I'd miss him. I gave him money as he was always in debt and also lent him £100 on one occasion which he never gave me back so this affected things a lot and made me start withdrawing more. It's like we have some kind of dysfunctional connection though because no matter how often we break up we end up resuming communication after so long and it continues. Other people I have seen just don't do it for me like he does and this is what scares me as it means I often cave in after so long and contact him again or he contacts me and I don't reject him. It makes no sense as imo we don't really respect each other as there's been too much rowing but we seem to be endlessly drawn back together. I am seeing other people in an effort to get him out of my system, but it's very hard when you feel there's a strong connection with the person. It's not logical at all as he's very selfish and probably a narcissist. Sexual attraction is no basis for a relationship is all I can surmise from it all.

Okay, so I'm assuming you want more from the relationship? Maybe I'm reading wrong. Have you both spoken about becoming partners?

I think you might need to talk to him about this thing you both have going on, but I stand with my opinion that he doesn't sound very nice. You've given him money and he hasn't paid you back. This relationship sounds too dramatic.

I think for now you should just take a break from this friends with benefits relationship. It doesn't sound healthy.

I had given up on wanting anything more as I could see he wasn't able to provide the support I needed; he was far too selfish. We had said we would just do the sex and chatting most days. He just isn't a caring or kind person and I can't accept that, hence me talking to other people online and arranging to meet someone today. I think it's over between us now anyway and you are right about it being unhealthy - it's the unhealthiest relationship I've ever been in!

I'm glad you recognise it's unhealthy! I definitely think you need a break from him, the relationship sounds quite toxic or like it could lead to something more toxic.

When meeting people online your playing a game of rolling dice, it's dangerous- be careful!

With having Aspergers though I don't go out socialising so it's harder to meet people. I have met most of my previous boyfriends online and most have been ok.

Do whatever it takes to cut this guy out of your life. I know nothing about Aspergers but surely being alone is preferable to this man's emotional abuse? Since you have known he's bad news for a while, I'm not sure what else to suggest but don't give up trying to send him packing for good. You don't deserve to be treated like this.