Meeting up with ex-girlfriend

I think a simple drink will suffice for the meet up, but may I add however, that she doesn't sound very nice. Even if she Was over your relationship, she could ask you how you are or make the effort to initiate communication.

I'm assuming she broke up with you? Did you ever hurt her feelings?


When you meet up with her, tell her how you feel.
If not then you might need to start getting out and enjoying yourself socially.

You've got to delete her off Facebook, that's what I did straight away because I knew I would torture myself seeing what they were up to, wondering who they were going out with, if they were seeing anyone knew. It also helps you stop obsessing about them, poring over their pictures etc.

I wouldn't recommend dinner, that's a bit date-ish. If you think things might get a bit emotional, I wouldn't recommend a pub...

Do you reckon she is trying to save herself from further pain by not contacting me and also not to give me false hope?

Yes I do. Also, if she's having low-points it wouldn't exactly be dignified to post a selfie on Facebook of her wearing an old pair of pyjamas weeping into a tub of Ben & Jerry's.

I don't think you're going to take the advice I'm about to give. But please think about it since it's based purely on a bad decision I made a few years ago. Don't meet her. You are not ready to talk about why this relationship ended with anything like objectivity. There are any number of things about this meeting that could cause you untold pain and make moving on harder. Apologise to her, say that you are having trouble getting over her, and that you feel like you need to leave things for a while. I'm sure she will understand.

If you really must get in touch with her to talk things over, for God's sake do it over the phone. Do you really want to have the neighbouring office Christmas party at Pizza Express stifle giggles whilst you break down in tears over crap brushcetta?

In your short message you accuse her of emotional detachment, disrespectful behaviour, and you imply heavily you want her back. I honestly believe if you keep this dinner date you'll end up making a fool of yourself. We don't let people drive when they're drunk because their judgement is impaired. Your judgement is impaired here. Talking things over can sometimes work (although I think you're better off making a clean break), but don't do it when your heart is still broken. This all feels very raw and it would be a kindness to yourself to instead go out with a friend or spend some time with your family. Right now, you're not ready for this.

I'm sorry to be blunt because I do feel for you, but I think you need some no-nonsense advice on this one.

I can probably put across a side that might be similar to your ex: I broke up with my bf about 6 weeks ago and while my fb looks like I'm having an amazing time and really busy its because I have to keep myself busy else I'd be moping around and crying It probably looks to the outside world like I've completely moved on and while I am in the process of it, it still affects more than I'd care to admit .

I also don't reply to his texts really, I don't have anything to say to him, and I don't want to give him false hope (he'd get back with me if he could, he's made it very clear) and I also don't want to make it harder on myself.

Thanks for your reply. I would imagine this is exactly how she is feeling. She's a very social person so she will have plenty of friends to see and talk to.

Can you say for absolute certainty you would never get back with your ex?
Did you talk about your break up with him afterwards or meet up?

Hi, desperately need some advice on a couple of different things. Grateful to anyone who can help. Sorry about this long post.

So a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I split up and of course I desperately want her back. I have tried my best not to contact her, but being the weak minded person I am I have lapsed a few times and send her a few texts. Also, I continuously hurt myself by looking at what she's getting up to on Facebook.

Now I haven't seen any incriminating evidence on there to suggest she's over me, but in her photos she seems to be having a good time, perhaps even enjoying her life without the stresses of our relationship. There isn't much to base this assumption off though. I might just be paranoid/being irrational.

In the texts that I have sent, I haven't mentioned anything about our relationship and she has responded every time (eventually). She hasn't however, in the three weeks we've been broken up, initiated a single text. Not even to ask how I am. Which I find quite emotionally detached, even shows a lack of respect. Particularly as our relationship lasted for almost three years.

Do you reckon she is trying to save herself from further pain by not contacting me and also not to give me false hope?

Last week we agreed to meet up and talk about everything. It was me who initiated this and suggested the date and time. This is happening very soon and I'm nervous about it.

Do you think just a simple drink in a pub would suffice? Or should I take her out to dinner as it will be after work?

Thanks again to anyone who responds.

Assuming she is the one who ended it then her mind should be set-nobody ends a relationship of that length without having thought it through properly. Feelings from your end are still raw and if you meet her you're going to end up analysing everything she says.


It's a horrible feeling after a break up but what you don't need is to prolong it by chatting to her and looking at what she's up to. Delete her off your phone, FB, the lot-in time it does feel better but that time will arrive sooner by cutting contact.


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Technically it was her yes, although we have mentioned breaking up a few times in the past. Our love for each other always kept us going and we both tried to overcome our problems.

Your right, I'm pretty sure her mind will be set, however, I still want to talk to her and actually see what's going on in that head of hers. There's a slim chance that she just needs space and time to be alone, to focus on just herself.

There's no way she won't still love me and miss me, but she has convinced herself that we can't be together in the long term due to all of our problems and differences. So she's doing whatever she can to move on. As soon as I've met up with her and discussed everything, I'll be doing what you have recommended - deleting her phone number and Facebook. Then getting on with my crappy life.