The Student Room Group

Do you actively avoid relationships because you're not 'good enough'?

For a while now I've tended to avoid relationships with the opposite sex because I have this nagging doubt that I'm not good enough and I'm a bit of a 'short straw'.

This position isn't exactly difficult to maintain as the offers are hardly flying in, but it's got to the point where a relationship is virtually inconceivable because it's become so far removed from my day to day life.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything as I'm entirely comfortable with my position. But I just wondered if it's normal to actively avoid relationships through fear of inadequacy? Funnily enough I rarely speak about it to anyone in my real life!
I'm in an extremely similar situation.

I got out of Uni 18 months ago and still have yet to find a 'proper' job. As such I'm 23, living at home with parents, and currently I'm afraid to say, am suffering a very boring life as a result with no disposable income etc.etc.

As such a relationship is just utterly impossible at this particular stage in my life. I do remember having a very decent prospect for one with a girl at work but decided to kind of blow her off just because I know full well I'm not leading a lifestyle that would be able to sustain it. Its horrible but I'd just be a complete let-down.

That isn't a low self-esteem issue or anything, but its just the reality that I'm living at home with parents and have very little money for that not to be a major issue. I'm afraid thats a deal breaker for most girls.
Yes I even actively discourage attention by literally scowling at men. There's even someone I'm in love with and who claims he loves me but I just can't handle the certainty that I'll let him down. I'd also feel guilty for getting in the way of him finding someone 'proper'.
I've never been in a relationship because that's exactly what I feel. That I'm not good enough. I like this guy at the moment and he's kind of a friend but I'm too scared to say or do anything because I just know that it's not going anywhere. Most of the time I feel as though no one will like me for who I am and I'll be alone forever so there is no point in even trying.
I hate when people say "just be yourself" because if I did it would repel people.
no i never avoid relationships with someone i like, only asking them out
Yeah, I think I'm attractive/interesting on the surface in terms of looks, personality, humour etc but there's nothing underneath. I think my interests and experiences are dull to others so I end up being secretive always turning the subject round to the other person, this either makes people more intrigued to uncover the 'mystery' or makes them resent me for not sharing everything with them.
Kind of, but I have this ambition of improving myself so when I go to Uni, I wont feel unworthy.
Reply 8
yes :frown:

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